Sorry, I'm bad at this. (NSFW AND MATURE CONTENT WARNING) (Lapidot Human AU)

Chapter 68

I softly pushed open my bedroom door, peeking into the room through my fogged up glasses. I took them off, and wiped them roughly on my shirt as I lowly groaned. I then rubbed my swollen eyes, sniffling loudly. I kicked the door shut behind me, and slowly trudged to my bed. Pumpkin sat there waiting for me, and she tilted her head, visibly confused. I patted her small head, and sat beside her. She whimpered, and climbed onto my lap swiftly.

She placed her paws on my chest and reached her head up to lick my chin. I pulled back a little, attempting to hold her back as well. I placed my glasses down on my bed, and I continued to pet the small puppy. I sniffled again, feeling tired and emotionally drained. I stared down at the floor, trying to figure out where I went wrong. Where did I go wrong? Why the hell did this have to happen to me? Of all people...why me? I laid back on my bed, now staring up at the ceiling with furrowed eyebrows.

Lapis is so fucking selfish...why did she give up so easily? Did she just...lose feeling? What...the hell did I do? My mind kept racing with thoughts and questions. Questions I was desperate to find the answer to. I softly sighed, and closed my eyes for a long moment. I decided to bask in the sorrowful silence that filled my room. The only sound I could hear was my own heartbeat...so slow. I slowly inhaled, then carefully exhaled, attempting to fully calm myself down.

I was somewhat calm, but I couldn't get rid of this depressed feeling. I felt so defeated. Why did I even bother to try? I asked myself, trying to keep my eyes shut. Should I call her? This next question scared the shit out of me. My eyes shot back open, and I sat back up abruptly. Why the fuck are you asking that?! She just LEFT. Why the hell would you call her?! If anything, she should call you! I had an internal conflict that was eating away at me inside. My heartbeat started speeding up again.

I couldn't deny that I really really wanted Lapis to come back...but does that make me pathetic? Does that make me too needy? I didn't know what to think anymore. The door was suddenly pushed wide open, and my gaze switched up to the doorway. I spotted Squari standing there once again. I felt a pang of anger in my chest, but I felt too tired to yell at her at that point. My sister took a moment to look over at the empty space that was previously occupied by Lapis' bags.

"Awww...where's Lapis, Peridot? Hm?" Squari tilted her head, crossing her arms and staring at me. She had the ghost of a smirk lingering on her lips, and I cringed inside. Tears welled up in my eyes again, and I furrowed my eyebrows deeper. "Leave me alone, Squari." I murmured barely above a whisper. "Huh? What's that? I asked where the hell is Lapis? Did she finally leave? Find out how much of a pain you are?" she pestered me with these questions, and I gritted my teeth. She took a step forward, causing me to involuntarily flinch.

"I said leave me alone." I raised my voice a bit, but it cracked several times. "Hm. I guess she unpacked then? Where is she? The bags? Hm?" she asked again, and I abruptly stood up. "LEAVE ME ALONE!!" I screamed, balling my fists. "Wow. Feisty. Someone's on their period." Squari replied, raising her eyebrows. I then jolted forward, and reached my hands out. I tackled her, and pressed my hands against her neck violently. This was the second time I attacked her like this, but this time, there weren't any bleachers...or track runners to interrupt this. Just her and I.

"PE-ERIDOT!!" she half-screeched, half-coughed. She immediately grasped my wrists, desperately trying to pry my hands off. I put more weight down on her, then started shaking her violently. "WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! YOU WON! I'M IN PAIN ONCE AGAIN! IT'S WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, RIGHT?! RIGHT?!" I spat in her face, and she stared up at me with widened eyes. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! KILL MYSELF?! LAPIS IS GONE! SHE'S NOT COMING BACK! AND IT'S YOUR FAULT! YOU STARTED THIS!" I hollered.

Squari's face was now a bright shade of red, and she groaned and grunted loudly. "Y-YOU COUGH D-DUG YOUR OWN GRAVE!" she choked out. "She was one of the people I cared most about...and sh-she...she-she just left me. What do you come in and do? RUB IT IN MY FACE! PLAY DUMB! RUB IT IN MY FACE, LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO EVERYTHING ELSE!" my voice grew shakier, and my grip on her throat loosened. She finally ripped my hands off of her, and smacked me harshly across the face. I hissed in pain as I placed my hand on my now warm cheek.

Her body swiped from underneath me, and she swiftly backed up, still sitting on her bottom. I stood up, and charged her again. She backed faster, but I reached her first, and rammed my foot into her stomach. She groaned again, curling up and holding her stomach. I turned around, and crossed my arms, attempting to hide the fact I was close to bawling my eyes out. "Don't ever speak to me again, Squaridot. You're simply related to me, but you'll never be my sister." I stated coldly, closing my eyes.

There was a long silence in the room, except for the sounds of Squari's struggled breathing. "P...P-Peridot..." I heard her breathe. I didn't answer. "Peridot...I-I..." she stuttered, still panting. I was about to turn around and kick her again, but I figured I may as well hear what she had to say. "I-I...I-I'm s-sorry. I d-didn't think...you took it that personally..." she finished, and I was taken aback by this. I whipped around to stare at her again, and my mouth gaped open a little in disbelief. "You didn't think I took anything you ever said personally? All of your degrading words, insults, slurs...you thought I never took any of that shit into account?" I angrily asked.

Squari then looked away, most likely rethinking what she had just said. "I'm sorry, Peridot..." she muttered, clenching her fists, yet remaining on the floor. I closed my eyes and sighed, refusing to let any more tears be shed. "Just get out." I deadpanned. My eyelids only lifted slowly just so I could stare at the floor coldly. I spotted my sister climb back to her feet through my peripheral vision. She stood in front of me for a few more moments, but I refrained from giving her any more looks.

She eventually turned around, and slowly walked out my bedroom door. I looked back over at my bed, as Pumpkin remained sitting on it. She stared at me curiously, so I slowly approached her. I softly whispered,"Get ready for another car ride, girl. We're going back to the university."