Keep Yourself Alive - Roger Taylor

33

The next few days were an utter whirlwind. Of course, the tour continued and we were still travelling over England. However, the news of Roger and I's engagement travelled fast, and up until now we were still covering the front page of gossip newspapers.

Pictures of Roger down on one knee, or the lads and I sharing a group hug. It was beginning to become quite surreal, but I didn't realise that stardom would hit me so swiftly. I was known now, people knew me not only when I was with the band, but even just nipping to the shop in my pyjama bottoms wasn't possible anymore.

I never imagined how restricting and almost lonely their lives could get. Roger was getting rather worried about me, as I wouldn't leave the hotel without makeup anymore and I was always so worried about my appearance.

"Come on, love. You don't need any of this" He pleaded, trying to rush me from the hotel to get to the gig.

"Two seconds" I called from the other side of the bathroom door.

I applied some red lipstick, and then I was done, rushing out of the bathroom quickly.

"Sorry, I'm ready now" I nodded.

"What about your hat?" He asked, looking over at where my signature item was still stuffed in my suitcase.

"I- nobody wears those Roger. I look a bit stupid" I said, pursing my lips to the side.

"What? Stupid? Rose you look amazing in that hat, please wear it" he begged.

"It doesn't go with my outfit though"

He sighed in defeat and we left the room, hand in hand. Avoiding the paparazzi, he lowered his sunglasses and I looked down to put my hair over my face, which covered me from the pictures.

"How did you meet Roger Taylor?" One of them asked.

"Just ignore them, hun" Roger nodded at me.

"Roger? Was the engagement just a publicity stunt?" Another one shouted, and Roger looked up with a disgusted face.

"No, I love this girl. We met at Uni for your information, long before Queen were even recognised" He spat, before we jumped into the cab that already held the other band members.

I shook my head in annoyance, squishing up in between Brian and Roger in the back.

"You good?" Brian asked, looking at my makeup covered face worriedly.

I smiled up at him and nodded unconvincingly. He gave me a suspecting look but continued to gaze up at the stars from the car window.

When we arrived at the arena I decided to stay backstage for this show, as I was so tired and I didn't really dress for a concert.

"You not going out front? You made a right deal out of us keeping you in here last time" Roger asked, slumping down into the couch beside me.

"No, I'm quite tired" I said glumly, and he definitely noticed.

"Seriously, Rose. What's wrong?" He asked me, an extreme sense of worry over his features.

This is the time that I need to fully vent, and that's exactly what I did, pouring my heart out to the unsuspecting drummer.

"It will go away, I know it will. But since being recognised I have this constant feeling that I'm ugly or stupid. I've seen what they can find out about you and I don't want to be that girl that is unqualified and unemployed and disowned by her family, shagging a famous person-" I stopped and breathed in realisation.

That is me. I am that girl.

"No. No stop thinking like that Rose. This isn't you" he stressed, a serious tone in his words.

"It is- I've been so blind. I mean I love you Rog, you know that. They're going to think I'm a lazy fucking pig that shags you for money" A few tears were pouring from my eyes now.

Maybe I was being dramatic, but I can't help how I feel.

"Rose, stop this please. I don't mind, and we both know the circumstances, that's all that matters. Forget what they think. You saw how excited those fans were when I proposed to you, none of them said anything did they?" He asked, but I looked down sadly.

"Did they?" He repeated, lifting my chin with his fingertips.

"N-no" I said, my lip quivering as I desperately tried to hide my pathetic tears.

"This is all new to you. It's completely my fault for making it so public without warning you about the papers" He sighed, rubbing his face with his hand.

"No- it's not your fault. It's just my silly head getting the better of me" I said, shaking my head and tucking my hair behind my ears.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked.

"Two minutes, two minute call!" A man shouted down the hallway.

"Yeah. You go- you need to go on" I pushed him, kissing his cheek lightly before he kissed my lips back and left to go on stage.

As soon as he left I washed my face in the sink, wiping away all of the makeup and the mask that I had covered my real self with. I don't wear makeup? I always wear that stupid hat? Why did I think that other people should be able to have a verdict on how I live my life?

Sometimes I swear my feelings get the better of me, and I just feel bad for Roger yet again taking the blame for something that was so special.

Once I'd washed my skin, I looked up into the mirror and smiled at my reflection for the first time this week without wanting the change anything. Sighing, I twiddled the diamond ring on my finger and grinned down at it, thinking how lucky I was to even know these amazing men. Let alone be madly and deeply in love with their one and only blond drummer.

Yet again I had let my conscience get the best of me, and slipped into some strange void. It was similar to the one I was in shortly after the incident, and that ended in me leaving my family. Let's hope that this doesn't end anywhere near as terrible as that.