Keep Yourself Alive - Roger Taylor

100

(Ooh chapter 100 yay!)

"How was he?" Roger asked nervously as I slouched on to the sofa that he wasn't on.

I looked up at him with shocked eyes, anger bubbling through my veins.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I scoffed, getting up and shaking my head as I began walking away.

"Oi, what's that for?" He said, grabbing my wrist to stop me leaving.

I yanked it away harshly, giving him another cold glare.

"I had to sit there and make up a lie as to why you weren't there, Roger. He saw right through it though didn't he? You should have seen his face-" I said, more tears pricking at my eyes whilst I frantically tried to push them back.

"Well, I-" He interrupted, but I wasn't finished.

"No, let me finish first. Our friend is dying, your best friend" I said bluntly, his eyes wandering anywhere but mine to avoid direct contact.

"I know it's harsh but it's true. He looked ill, really fucking ill. I know its hard to see but you can't just hide from it. He's Freddie Mercury for God's sake, he's used to people surrounding him at every second of the day. But where is everyone now? Even his best mate doesn't visit him. It's ghastly, Roger" I shook my head.

"I don't want to see him like that though" He defended himself.

"I know you don't, it's really awful but do you think any of us wanted to see him like that either? We all fell in love with the energetic, quirky student that had funny teeth but was an amazing singer, didn't we? Well, none of us want to see him deteriorating like he is, Rog but we have to, or else he'll go insane" I raised my voice slightly, but not enough to wake Lizzie.

"I know... I know and I'm sorry. It's like I wanted to go but I just couldn't bring myself to it" He sighed.

"Well you better hurry up, because I'm telling you this right now... we don't have much time left" I copied his sigh and slumped upstairs.

I twisted the shower on, waiting until it got really hot before stripping off all of my clothes. Taking a look in the mirror, I suddenly noticed the drastic changes. I was much more petite than usual, probably from the lack of appetite. Also, my hips and ribs seemed to be slightly protruding, highlighting the extent of my weight loss. It wasn't until a hazy mist began to cover the mirror that I remembered the shower that was running behind me, heating up the whole room like a sauna.

I stepped in, letting the scorching water pour over my body, hoping it would wash off any negativity from the day. It was painful, yet strangely satisfying. Almost like it was compensating for the other shit, making me forget for a moment about the real problem at hand. However, that couldn't be forgotten. Just picturing Freddie's sickly features made tears pour down my eyes frantically, making my breaths shallow and my chest tighten. A pained cry left my lips as I crumbled into a ball at the bottom of the shower.

I couldn't tell if I was overreacting or if I was having a genuine panic attack. However, it feels just like the panic attack I had after being spiked in the bar. Only last time, Roger was there to help me. I'm pretty sure he couldn't think of anything worse than helping me after the shit that I just ripped into him.

Although maybe I was wrong, as I suddenly felt a strong pair of arms wrap around my crumpled frame. Somehow, despite the scorching temperature, my body was shivering and it took Rogers warm touch to calm me down.

"I'm s-sorry" I cried, my breathing still uncontrollable and frantic as I wept.

"Sh sh, don't talk, just relax" He said, reaching over to twist the tap off, stopping the boiling water from hitting both of us.

Even though I was soaking wet, he pulled me close to him and just held me in his arms like a child, rocking me backwards and forwards whilst I cried.

Once I'd calmed down, he helped me out of the shower and I wrapped a towel around my body.

He also took his T-shirt and shirts off due to their current drenched state, leaving him in his underwear.

"Do you want to talk?" He asked, guiding me into the bedroom.

I nodded with a gulp and followed him sheepishly.

"Everything is just happening too quickly, he should be fine for at least another year but he isn't going to be" I said, sitting down on the bed sadly.

"You don't know that" He sighed, rubbing my back soothingly.

"You didn't see him though, Roger. It was actually terrifying to see how quickly he has changed" I shook my head, which made him intertwine his fingers into mine.

He pulled our hands up to his lips and kissed the back of my hand, his touch calming me down almost instantly.

"Do you think you need to go to the doctors? Remember last time you had a panic attack and I said if this happens again then we're going to get help?" He said sternly, but only because he was worried.

"That was years ago, Rog. It's happened twice in the whole time I've know you! What's that, about twenty years more or less?" I pointed out.

"Wow, doesn't time fly... it's all gone so fast, I can't quite believe it. Okay, I suppose that balances out fine then, but seriously if it happens again we're going" He said, making me giggle lightly.

"It doesn't feel like two weeks ago that you were serenading me to a song about a car" I smiled, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"Oi, that is still and will forever be my proudest creation thank you very much" He defended.

"Better than Lizzie!?" I asked, pretending to be shocked.

"Only by a tiny bit" He joked, earning a slap around the shoulder from me.

"Oh Roger, you're such the romantic" I rolled my eyes, laughing at my husband.

This is why I fell in love with this man. He has the ability to change any shitty situation into a happy one. Who would have thought that twenty minutes ago, I was crumpled in a heap in the shower crying my eyes out?