Keep Yourself Alive - Roger Taylor

102

Rogers parents offered to look after Elizabeth for a few days whilst we stayed with Freddie as it was getting harder for him to cope and we had to look after him more and more. He felt more comfortable with us around too, even if we didn't talk I think he just liked the moments that we spent together.

We hopped in the car and turned on the radio, blasting 'these are the days of our lives' as we drove over to Freddie's house.

"Sometimes I get to feelin'
I was back in the old days, long ago
When we were kids, when we were young
Things seemed so perfect, you know?
The days were endless, we were crazy, we were young
The sun was always shinin', we just lived for fun
Sometimes it seems like lately, I just don't know
The rest of my life's been, just a show"

We shouted the words, one of his hands gripping the wheel of his Mustang whilst the other held my hand in his larger one. His thumb rubbed over my skin and even to this day sent shivers through my body. Especially whilst listening to our wedding song, I felt so much love for this man that couldn't be contained. I brought our hands up to my lips and kissed the back of his, whilst he turned to me and smiled before we continued to sing.

"Those are the days of our lives
The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now but one thing is true
When I look and I find I still love you
You can't turn back the clock, you can't turn back the tide
Ain't that a shame?
Ooh, I'd like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride
When life was just a game
No use in sitting and thinkin' on what you did
When you can lay back and enjoy it through your kids
Sometimes it seems like lately, I just don't know
Better sit back and go, with the flow
These are the days of our-"

Before we could finish singing the line Rogers phone began to ring, making me almost jump out of my skin.

"Get that for me please, love" He asked, tapping my hand lightly.

"Oh shit, where is the bloody thing" I fretted, rustling around in the passenger seat compartment.

"Aha" I said, satisfied when I found the vibrating phone there.

"Who is it?" He asked, leaning over whilst keeping his eyes on the road.

"Peter" I read the small screen and pressed the answer key, holding the phone to my ear.

"God, I wonder what he wants" Rog rolled his eyes, making me slap his chest playfully.

"Hiya Peter, it's Rose" I said, my smile radiating through my words.

"Hi Rose, is Roger with you?" He asked, not mirroring my enthusiasm.

"Yeah, he's just driving that's all. Are you okay, should I take a message?" I asked, keeping my usual happy tone to try and bring up the morale.

"Yeah please, where are you going exactly?" He asked, confusing me with his random question but I answered anyway of course.

"Just dropping some shopping off at Freddie's, we're about 300 yards away now, why?" I asked.

Roger sent me a confused glance with furrowed brows and I just shrugged in return.

"Don't bother coming" He replied, sadness laced in every word.

This can't be happening.

"Why?"

I already knew the answer deep down.

"He's gone Rose, I'm so sorry"

The phone dropped from my hand, tears instantly joining them in my lap.

"Rose? What's wro-"

"Pull over" I cried, looking over at him.

He knew too.

He pulled over immediately, my sobs filling the car.

"He's gone isn't he?" Roger asked me, his eyes completely glazed over.

I didn't have to answer for him to know the truth.

I let out a pained cry, holding my chest as I left the car, instantly falling to my knees in despair. Roger was quick to join me as we cried in each other's arms for what felt like forever.

I'll never hear his laugh again.

I'll never see his smile again.

I'll never hear his voice again.

I'll never see his face again.

I'll never hear him sing again.

Nothing will ever be the same again, but there is nothing that anyone can do to change that.

How unfair is life? It takes away the best people in the most brutal ways. He didn't have to suffer like he did, it just is not fair. Freddie Mercury was my best friend, the light of my life. Now that light is gone and I'm scared of the dark he leaves behind. I know that he is going to be honoured in the best way possible, but he shouldn't have to be. He should be here right now, honoured when he died gracefully in his old age. This way is too brutal and painful to even comprehend.

I wish that I'd hugged him more tightly.

That I'd smiled at him more and laughed with him more.

I wish that we'd taken more pictures together, even though I have hundreds at home.

I regret everything about the things that I didn't do that I can't even think about the good things that we did do. When really, at times like this you need to remember the good to really mourn someone.

I will miss him for the rest of my days, we all will.

But Freddie Mercury will never be forgotten.

Freddie Mercury is a legend.

Freddie Mercury is a champion.

☆ Farrokh Bulsara ☆
5 September 1946 ~ 24 November 1991
♡