Keep Yourself Alive - Roger Taylor

49

The weeks turned into months, and the passing of my baby seemed like years ago. My heart still ached everyday, but the progress Roger and I had made in overcoming the depression was astounding. I think most of it got bottled up deep down, but I don't mind as long as it's gone.

We were now well into our wedding plans, and Roger has confirmed that we are getting married somewhere that we both love. However, he is refusing to tell me which is sending me around the bend.

After losing my baby I wanted to busy myself, so that's why we began planning the wedding so swiftly after. It wasn't because I didn't care, actually it was quite the opposite. It was because I cared so much that it was effecting my well-being, which was then sending Roger crazy too.

Luckily, the wedding is something that we can both agree on and that can keep us both busy at the same time. Whether it was planning the service or the constant bickering that we endured, it was all helping us cope.

"I like the white ones" I whined, pointing at the petals.

"Well I like the black ones" He argued, pointing at some midnight black rose petals.

"Why don't we get a mix then? Black and white petals?" I compromised and he nodded, writing it down.

It definitely was not going to be a traditional wedding, not by a long mile. For starters it wasn't at a church. Also, my father is not walking me down the aisle, no way. Finally, it was Roger and I, There is nothing normal about the pair of us weirdos.

Roger being Roger, had already planned the transport for the wedding and booze for the party, which meant that all we had to do now was choose a date and an outfit.

It was the job of Mary, Chrissie and Veronica to assist me with that, which was the task for today.

I was being dragged around by three pregnant ladies, which was making me excited yet obviously very saddened. Mary was pregnant with her boyfriend, and I was so happy for her. Veronica and Chrissie are so close to giving birth it's unreal, and here's me. The only one not pregnant. But hey, I'm also the only one getting married so that's a bonus.

I threw on various dresses, but the length of them was annoying me so much, so I asked for a shorter style. The woman's eyes widened, because this year the extremely long dresses were in fashion, with the puffy sleeves. All this is down to Lady Diana herself, who of course has the most iconic wedding dress to date.

"Of course, I'll look right away" she nodded.

Roger had rang in advance and booked the shop out, this is so we could all avoid press and fans gathering outside if they recognised us and wanted to ask us about the lads. I wasn't complaining though, as it gave me the whole shop to explore with the girls.

"Oh wow look at this" Mary pointed out a dress in a magazine, it was beautiful but wasn't really my style.

"I've just asked the woman for a shorter one" I said, flicking through another magazine.

"Really? Going non-traditional are we?" Veronica teased.

"Maybe, But roger and I don't really strike the eye as traditional now do we" I laughed.

"I suppose not, no" She replied, just as the woman returned with a plethora of dresses.

"I'll be out in a minute" I grinned, rushing into the dressing room excitedly.

The lady pulled out a lace back dress, that when worn would reach my knees. I instantly fell in love with it as soon as it hugged my body. I stared at myself in the mirror.

The sleeves draped over my shoulders perfectly, and the white silk buttons aligned down my back as though they were meant to fit exactly there. I twirled in the mirror to get a look from every angle, but I could spot one flaw.

The woman looked shocked, but I nodded at her and she guided me out of the room after passing me some white heels.

As soon as the three girls caught a glimpse of me, their facial expressions turned from neutral to ecstatic. The lady excused herself for a few seconds before coming back with a veil, it was short and the crown part was lined with small flowers.

"There, you have quite a hippy chic look, I adore it" She complimented.

"Thank you, I love it" I stared at myself in the mirror.

"Could I take some photographs? My husband is a photographer you see, would love for him to put these in our magazine" She asked.

"Yes of course" I nodded, and she put me in a few positions before I could have a proper conversation with my girls.

"This is definitely the one, you look so stunning Rose" Mary grinned, standing up and hugging me.

"Thank you, and there is no question, I am buying this one" I said excitedly, spinning around so the fabric swirled around me.

It was all starting to fall into place.

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"Roger!" I called up the stairs, hoping he would be there to answer.

"Yes, Love!?" He shouted back down and I rushed upstairs to greet him.

"I bought my dress" I sang, wiggling the bag around in front of his face.

"Ooh let me see!" He begged, grabbing my hand.

"Ah ah ah, a bride can never show her groom the dress before the wedding!" I joked, but still didn't show him the gown.

"Whatever" he shrugged, taking the bag from my hands and resting it down on the couch.

"You seem better today" He smiled, pulling my waist into him.

"I feel a lot more jolly, still coping, but it was nice to see the girls, even though they are all pregnant" I rolled my eyes laughing.

"Shit yeah, I didn't think of that love, are you okay?" He asked, cupping my chin with his fingertips.

"Yeah, it was lovely to see. As much as I would love to join them, we have time. But for now, we need to finish healing and get on with this wedding" I sighed, kissing him after.

Although things had been extremely hard recently, times like this really helped me pull through and realise that life wasn't just about loss. It was about learning from the loss, and evolving to what you have. I may have lost my child, but that doesn't mean that Roger means anything less, it actually makes me appreciate the blond drummer more and more every single day.