Keep Yourself Alive - Roger Taylor

50

I decided that it would be nice to surprise Roger in rehearsal, so I got changed into my checked mini skirt, and black vest and my hat before pulling on my high black boots.

I stopped off at a cafe, to buy us some teas and biscuits before making my way to the studio. When I entered, I could hear the faint sound of laughter, which I instantly recognised as being Brian and John when I got closer.

Rushing in, I smiled at all of the lads who opened their arms when I entered.

"Rose! I didn't know you were coming, beautiful" Roger grinned, standing up and pulling me into an embrace.

"Well I thought I'd surprise you but it seems that someone has beaten me to it" I said sarcastically, eyeing up the two lads beside me.

"Aw Rose, the more the merrier. Come sit down next to uncle John" He said, which was supposed to be a joke but it just sounded really eerie.

"John? Please never call yourself 'uncle john' again. I love you, but that was creepy" I laughed, plonking in between the two guitar players.

"So how've you two been? With the wedding and stuff, all going to plan?" Deacy asked.

"Yes, little miss organised over here has already bought her dress. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I booked the 'special venue' for the 5th of September" He grinned over at me.

September? September is next month!

"No way" I bounced around in between the two lads, who held my down by my shoulders to keep me still.

"I know, it took some doing but I got it" He nodded.

"Please tell me" I pouted.

"I really can't, you'll be more happy when it's a surprise I promise you" he argued and I huffed in response.

"Fine, but does that mean we can have the round candle holders, because the square ones aren't as nice? Surely I can choose something" I begged.

"Love... I never had a say in the 'candle holders', that must have been an inner conflict that you're now taking out on me. I don't fucking care what shape the candles are, I just want to get married to my beautiful fiancée" He whined, pulling me to sit on his knee.

"Aww... so that means round ones yeah?" I asked.

He gave me a warning glare and I nodded quickly.

"Round ones it is" I smiled, kissing him lightly.

"Not in public please, my virgin eyes are killing me now" John groaned, covering his face with his hands.

"John, you literally have two kids. You are the literal embodiment of the exact opposite of a virgin" I laughed, shaking my head.

"Okay, little miss 'I know science' all I care about is the fact that you two are scarring my eyes, and I need those to play the bass so could you stop" he joked.

"Okay John. We'll stop being affectionate, if you stop changing your hairstyle every month" Roger chuckled.

"Oh, and stop doing the cute little dance moves you do on stage" I added, pointing my finger at him.

"Disco Deacy will never die" He jumped up in defence, wiggling his hips in a strange fashion.

"This is a site for sore eyes" Brian said sarcastically, watching his band mate dance around.

"Disco Deacy" I shook my head, facepalming at the nickname.

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Bereavement is one of the hardest situations in life. It takes time away from doing everyday activities. One example of this is today, where I couldn't even turn on the television without becoming emotional and shutting it off.

It was strange, as I have been so good for so many weeks. Maybe bottling it all up wasn't a good thing. It could have been seeing my friends, that made me happy and excitable, then made me feel guilty for being happy during such a heartbreaking time. I could never know, but now poor Roger doesn't know what to do with me.

"Come on, love" He begged.

"J-Just a few minutes" I croaked from the bathroom.

I held another stick in my hands. The denial was beginning to set in now, and I was taking test after test just hoping that they had got it wrong. However, every time the line showed up 'negative' I knew that my hopes were shattered. The feeling was almost like finding out I had lost her for the first time, even though deep down I knew she was really gone.

He opened the bathroom door, to find me staring intently at the small plastic test.

"Please stop this love, we can try again soon" He begged, kneeling down to my height.

"But I think they might have got it wrong. I had a few stomach cramps today, that could be her growing" I said hopefully, a broken smile forming on my face.

"She's not there anymore, beautiful, you know that" He soothed.

The fact that he could stay so calm throughout my neurotic state shows his love and adoration for me.

"I know but what if they got it wrong?" My lip quivered as I spoke.

"Babe, look at me" He ordered, but kept his relaxed tone.

My eyes locked with his as his fingertips lifted up my chin gently.

"Our little girl is gone. She won't be coming back, okay? We can try again straight after the wedding, and hopefully we can try and have another baby, yeah?" He nodded, his eyes glossing over.

"Yeah" I whispered, barely audible as he grabbed my hands in his.

"Come here, Love" He said, standing up and pulling me into his arms.

"I'm so sorry Roger. You're supposed to be at work and my pathetic arse is here getting all upset. I guess I just got so excited to have a baby and now I'm getting delirious" I sniffled, resting my head against his chest.

"I don't mind staying with you, Rose. You mean everything to me, albums can wait" He said, rubbing the back of my hair lovingly.