BOOtiful Habit ¤ VERKWAN ✓

BH (83)

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"Hanggang kailan mo gustong maging miserable? Seungkwan?"

"Kailan mo maiisip na hindi na tama ang ginagawa mo?"

"Seungkwan, move on. Kahit ma hirap. Tanggapin, kahit masakit"

"Set yourself free from what's keeping you in pain"

Nakikinig lang si Seungkwan sa kaniyang noona Jinseol na nasa likuran ng pintuan ng kaniyang kwarto.

Tapos na ang summer.

Tapos na ang maliligayang araw niya.

Tapos na ang bakasyon.

Tapos na rin ang relasyon nilang dalawa.

Tapos na. Hindi na maibabalik ang dati pa.

"Noona" pagtawag ni Seungkwan sa kaniya. Malat na malat ang kaniyang boses, he's dehydrated. He can't even eat properly, nor sleep properly.

Ang laki ng ipinagbago ng kaniyang katawan. Just a few weeks after the sudden break up. Just a few weeks, his physical appearance have changed. He can't feel anything at the moment. He's numb.

"Ano yun?"

"Sayo, babalik pa ba ako ng seoul?" Tanong ni Seungkwan sa kaniya.

Ano pang babalikan niya doon? Yung taong hinihintay niya, mukhang hindi na babalik.

Yung taong ninanais niyang makitang muli, hindi na uuwi. Hindi na magpapakita.

"Nasasayo yan kwan, if you're ready to face the pain in going back to seoul then go back. If you're willing to heal yourself here before going back to the city where memories of him floats around, then do it."

Ang mga mapupungay at namumulang mga mata ni Seungkwan ay nakatingin na lang sa kawalan.

What his eldest sister had said makes him think more of his final decision. To go back or to heal.

He wanted to go back, for him to reach him out. To be clarified. Yet, the half of him doesn't want to go back. Kasi babalik ang nga memorya nilang dalawa.

But either of the two, the result is still him hurting, him being broken, and him loosing the person he cherished within a decade.

Nasa kamay na niya, nakawala pa. Mahigpit naman ang pagkakahawak niya, ngunit yung taong hinahawakan niya'y kusang gumawa ng paraan para makawala sa pagkakahawak niya.

"Kwan"

Babalik siya? O mananatili?

To go back or to heal?

"Noona"

"Hmm.."

Seungkwan thought of his final answer. He let's out a heavy sigh. He stood up from the floor and held the doorknob, twisting it to open the door.

His noona's eyes gloomed at the sight of his youner brother. She had to do what she had to.

Jinseol held seungkwan's hand and pulled him towards her body. She embraced him.

The warm body of his noon jinseol made seungkwan stiff for a bit. Sa mga araw na wala siyang katabi, napuno ng ginaw ang kaniyang katawan. The warm feelings of his body changed into a cold one. Naging malamig na ang kaniyang pang-araw araw matapos na mawala yung taong nagpapainit sa kaniyang puso.

"Kwan, stop na please. Awat na, heal yourself"

Narinig ni jinseol ang pagsinghot ng kaniyang kapatid. Naramdaman niya ang mahigpit na yakap nito sa kaniya.
Thus, she started to pat on his brother's back to comfort him.

"A decade.... noona, my heart's beating for him. A decade, he made me feel alot of feelings. A decade, even if I stare at him from afar, he makes my heart flutter..."

"And within the decade, he became mine."

"But before the year ends... I lost him at the same time"

Noona Jinseol soothed him even more. Nasasaktan siyang nakikitang nahihirapan ang kaniyang kapatid. Nagmahal lang naman siya, ba't niya pa kailangang masaktan?

Nagmahal lang naman tayo? Ba't kailangan pa nating masaktan?

Maybe because we chose the wrong person to love? Maybe because hindi talaga sila ang nakatadhana sa atin?

Or

Maybe because hindi ka niya talaga minahal sa simula pa lamang? Maybe because he/she's just doing it as a favor, or out of guilt.

Andami-daming sagot sa tanong na iyan. But at the end, isa lang ang makukuha natin. At iyon ay ang lessons.

"I shouldn't have loved him" bulong ni Seungkwan.

Bumuntong hininga si Noona jinseol at saka kumalas sa yakap. Hindi niya maaaring pabayaang si seungkwan na isipin ang ganiyan. Kasi mawawalan siya ng interes sa pag-ibig. She knew seungkwan, if he lost something, he'll never look for it again.

"I think loving him gave you the best lesson in your life. Whatever may that be, hold on to it. Until your heart opens... this time for the right person"

"Natatakot na ako noona"

"Walang tao sa mundong ito ang hindi nakarananas ng sakit, dulot ng pagmamahal. Walang tao sa mundong ito ang hindi nakaranas ng break up."

"You know what made them succeed and stronger?"

"How?"

"They hold onto the lesson they've learned from their break ups. The lesson which they kept intact with and in their heart. The pain did not made them any less, but it made them more stronger, more braver, more fiercer"

"......."

"And you... if you keep on holding the pain, then it'll bring you down. If you keep on being a loser, then it'll bring you no good at all"

"What are you saying?"

"Seungkwan... take this as an opportunity to make yourself a better person"

"The Boo Seungkwan, version 2.O! The bolder Seungkwan, the fiercer, the braver, the better you"

With that, the fire inside of seungkwan lit up.  Something was pushing him to stop being a loser, to stop being a dramatic person, to stop crying, to stop being a lousy person.

And change, for the better.

A better version of Seungkwan.

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