ONE SHOT STORIES

(104.2) I MET MY DYING GIRL

"Kasalanan mo lahat ng ito! Tapos ikaw pa may ganang magpakamatay? Take all this bullsh*t Mathew, don't try another trick on me!" sigaw ng Dad ko.

Tss... He don't know what I feel inside. Akala niya drama ko lang sa buhay ang paulit-ulit kong pagtatakang pagpapakamatay. You don't know how dark my life is. 'Wag mo akong sisihin kung bakit ako nagkaganito, you made me like this. You caged me in the dark, and now, I can't get out. Yes Dad, you made me like this.

Tiningnan ko ang pulsuhan ko, all the scars are reminding me of my past. Dad and Mom–always shouting and figthing over a thing. It's started, when I accidentally killed my brother, their favorite son. Naniniwala silang pinatay ko siya, but in fact he just saved me from that car accident. Until Mom left me, naiwan ako kay Dad, na paulit-ulit akong sinisisi sa nangyari sa pamilya namin.

Maybe it's all my fault, kung sana ako na lang ang namatay, masaya pa sana sila ngayon. Muli akong napangiti ng mapait, Agad kong kinuha ang itinago kong patalim, ninamnam ang pagdampi nito sa aking balat. Sa sobrang sanay na ako, hindi ko na alam kung ano ba ang tinatawag nilang sakit.

Nagising na lang ako sa ospital. And I met her.

"Bakit gusto mong magpakamatay?" bigla niyang tanong.

Tss! People nowadays, mahilig makialam, wala namang pakialam.

"Paki' mo ba?"

"Mayro'n akong paki', do you know why?"

"Tss..."

I don't want to know but here I am listening to her thoughts. Wtf!

"Because all I want is to live my life to the fullest. I'm dying yet I don't want to die early. I envy you may chance ka pang mabuhay nang matagal..."

"Don't envy me. Living this hell world full of shits isn't happy at all. I'm tired."

Totoo naman. Nakakapagod mabuhay.  Nakakawalang ganang mabuhay. Ayokong maging ako. Ayoko na dito sa mundo.

"... Dying isn't the end of everything, we can never guess if it is the start of another suffering right?"

Napaisip ako sa sinabi niya. But, "This life just give me unbearable pain. My life's fucked up. No one can understand me, unless you are me,"

"... Ending your life will never end your pain,"

Maybe. Alam kong bahagi na ng buhay ng tao, pero nakakasawa na lang kung laging ako.

Napatingin ako sa kanya–she's beautiful, "By the way, I'm Matthew, your words can't change my mind but, thank you..."

"I know... I'm Shatzymaeh... Shatzy na lang..."

"Nice to meet you fighter,"

She's a fighter, she's brave enough to faced this life.

"Me too, survivor..."

"Survivor? why..."

"Co'z you survived a night talking to me, breathing..."

"Tss..."

Bakit napakadaling magbiro, pero napakahirap sa aking tumawa?

I don't know why kung bakit kami pinagtatagpo.

"Failed attempt again?"

"I guess?" sabay pakita ko ng binendahang pulsuhan ko.

Bigla siyang tumawa, "Well, try again, survivor..."

"Yeah I think? Try and try until I die?" half truth kong tugon.

"Do I have to support you?"

"Nah, don't boost my spirit. Why are you here?"

"My heart is in bad condition. I guess, my body can't take it anymore..."

"I can give my heart to you. I end my life and you prolonged your life too..."

"That's absurd. You're joking right?"

"Maybe?" ...Yes or not, saglit akong napatingin sa buwan, the I realized, "Do you know we're like the sun and moon,"

"Why?"

"You're the sun, ligth ups this whole world. Kahit ako na buwan, binigyan mo ng pansamantalang liwanag ang madilim na kapaligiran ko."

Napangiti siya. Her smiles, it is the light na ibinigay mo. Pansamantala mo akong napangiti.

I tried not to commit any harm on myself. Maybe, kaya ako buhay kasi may dahilan. I know na kumakalap sila ng pondo sa operasyon niya. I donated some of my savings just to help her. I don't want to lose her smiles, I want to stay it that way...

It's been 3 months... Her operation is successful, I just know it is. I woke up everyday, feeling thankful I didn't do it again. I'm still a survivor. I'm also afraid to see her again. I simply stalked her, just to see her smiles. But I can see sadness in her eyes...

"Someday our paths will cross again... I know we will collide again... Not now... But soon..."

Agad akong umalis sa puwesto ko kung saan tanaw ko siya... Hanggang sa may nakabunggo ako, but I didn't feel any impact.

Then I remembered, my suicide attempt is successful. I gave all my savings to her, and the day of her operation, is the day I die too...

Kaya pala I feel myself contented... I'm not a true survivor... Kaya pala takot akong makita siya kasi hinding hindi ko na siya mahahawakan pa... Kasi patay na ako...

Nando'n ako sa operation niya, naging kumplekado ito to the point muntikan  siyang mawala. For the first time, naramdaman ko ulit kung paano masaktan, hindi ko siya kayang mawala. I fall for her smiles.

I run from the hospital to my house. I found my knife, and for the first time I prayed just for her, "Saved her life, and take mine please... Kahit kapalit nito ay walang hanggang sakit tatangapin ko... Just please... don't take her life away..." with that I stabbed my heart.

Napaiyak ako habang may mapait na ngiti, "Kahit kailan hindi nga pala maaring magsama ang araw at buwan. Maaring minsang pinagtagpo pero hindi itinakdang magsasama dahil may mundong pumapagitan sa kanila. Mananatili kang nagbibigay liwanang samantalang ako mananatiling sa dilim..."

I regret killing myself, for now, I feel empty without her... I feel this longing pain... This feeling na hindi mo na siya p'wedeng makausap at mahawakan man lang, but I feel also contented, as long as I saw her smiles... As long as her living her life to the fullest... I'm willing to die just to saved her... That's why I sold my soul to a demon.