ONE SHOT STORIES

(104) I Met My Suicidal Man

"Shatzy anak, lumaban ka lang ha! 'Wag na 'wag kang susuko sa sakit mong ito,"

"Opo mama..." pilit kong ngiti, "Lalaban ako para sa inyo..."

Mahirap kalabanin ang sakit na mismong nagpapahirap sa akin. Heart enlargement ang na-diagnose sa akin ng mga doctor ko. Kadalasan hirap akong huminga, at nakita nilang namamaga na nga ito. What worst is, bigla na lang nagbabago ang bagal at bilis ng tibok ng puso ko na dahilan ng madalas na pagkahimatay ko.

I undergo series of diagnostic test and the doctor referred me to 2Decho that's why I had my one month medicine maintanance. As the day passed, lalong lumala ang kondisyon ko kaya the doctor suggested a heart surgery. The problem is, takot ako to take the risk and our financial capabilities also.

I wanted to give up, but I have one reason not to do so. I have my family, they are figthing also. Sama sama naming lalabanan ang sakit kong ito.

Until I met him. Nakatabi ko siya sa inuukupahan kong k'warto. Narinig ko sa mga nurses na nagtangka siyang magpakamatay. Bakit ba may mga taong gusto lang kitilin ang kanilang sariling buhay? Bakit gano'n kadali sa kanila ang magpakamatay samantalang ako hirap na hirap para sa laban ng aking buhay?

"Bakit gusto mong magpakamatay?" I asked him.

"Paki' mo ba?"

"Mayroon akong paki', do you wanna know why?"

"Tss..."

Kahit alam kong hindi siya interesado itinuloy ko pa rin ang sasabihin ko, "Because all I want is to live my life to the fullest. I'm dying, yet I don't want to die early. I envy you, may chance ka pang mabuhay nang matagal..."

"Don't envy me. Living this hell world full of shits isn't happy at all. I'm tired."

"I'm tired too, but giving up isn't my thing. I rather chose this hell world than leaving and just be nothing. Dying isn't the end of everything, we can never guess if it is the start of another suffering right?"

"This life just give me unbearable pain. My life's fucked up. No one can understand me... unless you are me,"

"Maybe I can't understand you, fully. We have different perspective, I'm just the person–afraid to die... while you are the person who loved to die. Yes, litterally we're different. But we're just people, we are not perfect. You just have to live your life and fight the high dosages of problems. Ending your life will never end your pain,"

Napatingin naman siya sa akin, "By the way, I'm Mathew, your words can't changed my mind but thank you..."

"I know... I'm Shatzymaeh, shatzy na lang..."

"Nice to meet you figther,"

"Me too, survivor..."

"Survivor? Why..."

"Co'z you just survive a night talking to me, breathing..." I joked a bit.

"Tss..."

Napangiti na lang ako. I think mababago ko pa pananaw niya sa buhay.

Lagi kaming nagpapang-abot sa ospital at parehong k'warto kapag inaatake ako at siya nama'y nagtangkang magpakamatay na naman.

"Failed attempt again?"

"I guess?" sabay pakita ng nakabendang pulsuhan nito.

Napatawa ako, "Well, try again, survivor..."

"Yeah, I think? Try and try until I die?" he joked.

"Do I have to support you?"

"Nah, don't boost my spirit. Why are you here?"

"My heart is in bad condition. I guess my body can't take it anymore..."

"I can give my heart to you. I end my life and you prolonged your life too..."

"That's absurd. You're joking right?"

"Maybe? Do you know, we're like the sun and  moon,"

"Why?"

"You're the sun that lights up this whole world. Kahit akong buwan, binigyan mo nang pansamantalang liwanag ang madilim na kapaligiran ko."

Napangiti ako sa mga sinabi niya. Napatingin ako sa bintana at tinanaw ang buwan, "Do I changed his mind?"

That's the last time we talked. I never have the chance to see him again. Gusto ko lang sanang sabihin na nakahanap na kami ng pondo para sa operasyon ko and it's my surgery today.

It's been three months, naging successful ang surgery. Since then hindi ko na siya muling nakita pa. Siguro natuloy na ang naudlot na pagkakamatay no'n. Nalungkot ako sa isiping 'yon, there's a part of me longing for him.

I live my life to the fullest. Araw-araw bumabangon ako ng may sigla. Thanks God, humihinga pa rin ako hanggang ngayon. But every night, I'm always thinking of him.

"Kamusta na kaya siya? Is he still a survivor? We are really the sun and the moon, binabalot ako ng liwanag samantalang siya napapaligiran ng dilim. Pinagsama ng panandalian na parang solar eclipse habang parehong madilim ang mundo natin. Do you have the light you borrowed to me? Or the moon just vanished into darkness? Where are you, my suisidal man?"

I don't know where is he now. Lagi na lang akong tumitingin sa buwan, umaasang magtatagpo pa rin ang landas namin pagdating ng tamang panahon.

He woke up everyday, feeling thankful he didn't do it again. He still a survivor. He just afraid to see her again. Tinatanaw niya lang ang araw niya, humihingi ng konting liwanag para magpatuloy na lumaban sa kadiliman. Someday our paths will cross again... I know we will collide again. Not now... But soon..