Hold On Soldier ✔️ | marvel

76. Peggy's funeral

Steve sits beside Sam and me at the funeral at the front. Steve is looking down in his lap as a women walks up. My eyes are glued on Steve as he is engulfed in sorrow, the women speaks but to us it's just background noise of the sadness in our hearts.

"Margaret Carter was known to most as a founder of SHIELD... but I just knew her as Aunt Peggy. She had a photograph in her office. Aunt Peggy standing next to JFK. As a kid, that was pretty cool. But it was a lot to live up to. Which is why I never told anyone we were related. I asked her once how she managed to master diplomacy and espionage in a time when no one wanted to see a woman succeed at either. And she said, compromise where you can. But where you can't, don't. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move... it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in they eye and say " No, you move."" The women tells a story making Steve squint. The memories flood in for him causing my heart to twist. The speech really weighed on my shoulders.

Later, Steve stands alone in the isle, still dressed in black. Natasha approaches him and he turns to her. They start chatting quietly and Sam presses a supportive hand on my shoulder, "He'll be alright. The atmosphere right now and everything happening just... is a lot for his mind to handle."

"I shouldn't of come." I admit, "I'm not helping, it's just hurting both of us."

Sam sighs squeezing my shoulder before letting his arm fall to his side, "I think the opposite. You being here is very mature and definitely helps Steve feel cared for a time he needs it."

"I just feel so awful..." My lip quivers as I let my head fall. "I'm not good for him like Peggy would've been. I watched him suffer and did nothing."

"Don't say that." Sam argues locking eyes with me, "You can't possibly tell yourself you and him weren't meant for each other. He's exactly what you needed when he got out of the ice."

"Then why has it taken this long? Why has it been awkward and undeveloped even now? And why wouldn't it make sense when Peggy is his soulmate." I try to hush my risen voice, "I'm not that for him. I've done nothing but be the thing holding him back. He deserves so much more than what's he's gotten in this world."

"You can't make this about you." Sam whispers harshly, "Not today, not right now."

"I... I'm so sorry..." My face heats up and I feel my eyes fill with tears. How can I be so selfish? I turn sharply to see Nat and Steve hugging and I force myself to run past them. Guilt fuels my feet as I sprint down the church steps. I grow hatred for myself, every action I've made is now regretted. I sit at a bench to cry, not wanting to ditch them at a time like this. I didn't want to be more selfish.

I call Tony as habit and we both greet each other, "Hi, Tony?"

"You sound like crap." He slips out when I answer, "I'm sorry I meant to say you sound upset."

"Shut up Tony." I pull one of my heels from my feet to relax.

"Ok ok I didn't mean to rile you up." He defends. "Please talk to me about what happened and I'll listen."

"I don't wanna talk about it especially with you." I growl pulling my other shoe off and clutching it for support. "I shouldn't have called."

"Harsh, I'm assuming you and Capcicle broke up? About time." Tony questioned.

"Like you and Pepper?" I snap before slamming a button to end the call.

Immediately after Wanda calls me while I'm tapping my foot with impatience. I'm still in my black dress and tights but everything is more messy now that I'm panicked.

"Hey do you mind if I call?" Wanda questions softly, her delicate tone matching the atmosphere.

"No I don't mind." I say hoarsely. I hug my arms, "How are you doing?"

"I could be better. Apparently we all could be." She says carefully and I nod.

"I guess being a hero wasn't all that great." I sigh.

"Being a hero never meant we'd live perfectly." Wanda reminded, "It's a life where we have to make choices that aren't perfect every time."

"With these accords we won't be able to make choices anymore. Is that better?" I feel the sadness between us both.

"I think we don't have a choice. I wish we had one though." Wanda explains hesitantly, "We'll just have to see."

"I don't wanna retire." I admit, "I don't want any of this."

"I'm sorry I caused it." I feel for her, my heart aches as I imagine her suffocate herself with guilt. I grasp the phone tighter and close my eyes.

"You didn't, you can't blame yourself when you were doing everything you could to protect all those civilians. Hero's have to make choices and your choice saved Steve." I tell, "Mistakes happen when you make choices, people are born and people are faced with hardships. Rumlow was an evil man who chose to hurt others, you proved you wanted to save them. Blame isn't a choice anymore."

"I'll have to learn to listen to you more." Wanda laughs a little but it doesn't feel real.

I nod respectfully, "Take your time. I understand."

Wanda hesitates changing the subject, "Do you wanna talk about you?"

I'm quick with my response, "No." And with that we end the call with short but sweet goodbyes and Steve approaches me on the bench.