We Need a New Room Mate (Danielle Savre and Stefania Spampinato)

Chapter 58

T/W: Eating Disorder & Homophobia

"A hundred? Sounds good to me,"

Stefania stood in the kitchen, pouring two glasses of wine as Danielle changed upstairs. They hadn't been home too long but she knew the sooner she got this conversation out of the way, the better. Jaina was staying the night at Boris' so they claimed the living room, Stefania waiting patiently as she felt an uneasy weight in her chest. 

"Mhm, thank you, gorgeous," Danielle smiled as she picked up a wine glass and took a sip, sighing as she sat on the sofa. Stefania nodded as she took another sip of her own and looked at the ground. "So... Will this be easier if I ask questions or just let you talk?"

"I think just let me talk but you can ask if you need to. Like if you're confused," 

"Okay," Danielle nodded and got more comfortable, watching her girlfriend intently. 

"Your eyes are making me nervous," Stefania laughed as she looked up at the ceiling. 

"Sorry," Danielle placed a hand on Stefania's leg. "If you don't want to talk about this now, you don't have to,"

"No, no. Now," Stefania let out a breath before she started to speak. "So, it was not long after we had moved to America. My Dad, Gio and I, because my mother had died about a year before and she always wanted us to get out of Italy and, well we did. But um, I didn't speak much English. Gio and I started at school and it was getting easier as the months went by and then I found out about this dance club my school had so I went to see what it was about and it was good and the teacher spoke to me about this production the school puts on and that I should audition as a dancer and that was really exciting for me because, the arts wasn't really celebrated in Italy," Stefania took a break to drink some more wine. It felt easier the more she spoke. 

"And so, I went to go and audition for this production, I think it was Grease, something like that so it was all uh, bubbly and a lot going on. And then, I got the part which was great but my Dad thought it was a waste of time even though I told him that the teachers said I was good,"

"Did you dance in Italy?"

"My mother would teach me when my father wasn't around. He's a very uh... traditional man. Hence he wasn't impressed but anyway, um so the dancers, we kind of had our group and the actors had their group and the behind the scenes people and the musicians and so forth," Danielle nodded her head as she followed along. 

"But there were a couple of girls in the actor group who would make fun of me because sometimes I wouldn't understand some of the instructions because of my English and I would laugh it off but sometimes it got to me a little. And one day was really stressful because I couldn't get this particular move and in the break I ran off to the bathroom and I was really upset and then this girl came in and called my name and I didn't even recognise her voice or know who she was,"

"But I came out of the stall and it was Caterina. She used to go by Lucinda, I called her Luc. She introduced herself and she was in the actor group and said she'd seen me but was too nervous to say hi and she said she spoke to the girls to stop laughing at me and she was just really friendly so we started to hang out more,"

"You said she used to look different as well, right?"

"Yes. Long and blonde hair. A lot paler than how she looks now. And skinnier. We would hang out outside of school and she would come to mine and I would go to hers and I can't remember when exactly, but I looked at her and thought she was really, really pretty. I mean, sexuality is confusing anyway and my father was already cramming stuff about boys down my throat but I would look at Luc and smile and feel the butterflies and I hadn't really felt that about anyone else before,"

"And one day, we were hanging out in the auditorium after rehearsals, sitting at the stop of the seats and she kissed me," Stefania paused for a moment. The memory itself made her smile. "And it was nice. It didn't feel wrong. It didn't feel bad. And then it just happened all the time. We would hang out and then we would be kissing and we were in our own little world. She knew about my mother and I would go to game nights with her family and we knew all of each other's secrets. You can never bring this up that I told you this, yeah?"

"Yeah, I promise," Danielle held out her pinky finger which Stefania linked and pulled it to her lips to kiss.

"She really struggled with her body image and wouldn't eat for very long periods of times even if I begged her to which was sometimes kind of scary to see because, you know, I cared about her a lot. One day, she came to my door with flowers and she wanted to ask me to be her girlfriend but my father was listening from the window and I didn't know if that was okay but she said I had to keep the flowers and she'd see me tomorrow. My Dad took the flowers and he trashed them because it's weird for girls to give girls flowers and I think that is also when he started to suspect Luc a bit more and would say no to her coming over or me going to hers and everyday he would talk to me about how gay people are disgusting but I didn't even know if I was gay," Stefania felt her voice crack a little and she took a deep breath before continuing. 

"So I would have to sneak out to see Luc outside of school. Sometimes the thrill was worth it but, I don't know. He had gotten into my head a lot more than I realised. But one night, we were together and she told me that she loved me and I said it back straight away because I did but as soon as I said it, I started to freak out because I couldn't... couldn't love a girl,"

"We had a plan to run away together. It sounds ridiculous thinking about it now but we were going to run away together and be happy and no one could tell us that we weren't allowed to be together. Luc knew about my Dad's opinions so we would make sure to kiss goodbye at the end of the road and stop holding hands, just hug at the door. But one day, I guess my Dad just so happened to drive past and I didn't realise his car was there because I got home and he screamed and yelled and threatened to send me back to Italy and Gio was crying because he didn't understand enough. So I stopped talking to Luc. Pretended she didn't exist. No calls or texts and I saw her getting worse. I would see her at school and she just looked so weak and I think she knew that I was doing this because of my Dad but it was painful," 

Stefania wiped away a tear and set her glass down, leaning forward and holding her head in her hands, elbows propped up on her knees.

"My Dad said that we were moving again and he said it was nothing to do with Luc but it was odd that he had to say that. To a completely different state and of course, there was nothing we could say about it. But I told Luc. The day before when our house was all packed up. I saw her at school and asked if I could talk to her and she looked like she wanted to cry but I wasn't sure if it was from sadness or relief that I acknowledged her. We sat at the top of the auditorium and I told her I was leaving and then she did actually cry and I cried and she told me that she was in love with me and I almost said it. I almost did. She said that we were meant to be and that she would find me again but she didn't even know where I was moving to," She wiped her eyes again and looked up at the ceiling. 

"A couple of weeks later, someone told me that she was sent somewhere because she needed serious help and no one heard from her again. Part of me thought that she was... you know. This all just seems a bit crazy, I mean," Stefania sighed as she fiddled with her fingers. 

"I never thought I'd see her again,"

A/N: Updates have been a little sparse because I decided I wanted to change the route of this story so had to go back and edit drafts but hopefully back on track with every other day soon :)

IG: savre.anatomy

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