A Little Calm...

Eye Thingy

Mad World - Jasmine Thompson

You wake to the familiar sound of a hospital tannoy outside your room. The lighting is quite dim in your room; only the small night light running beneath your bed is on. Strangely, nothing is attached to you. No cannula, no IVs, not even a heart rate monitor. You see Bucky sitting, asleep in the chair to your left. Wanting not to wake him, you slip from under the covers on the other side and sneak round to the bathroom behind him. Closing the door gently and switching on the light, you find the mirror. Expecting to see a beaten mess, you hold down the lump in your throat. It disappears quickly however, when all you see is a few faint marks. Your face is still slightly sunken and greyish, but somehow you look almost completely recovered. Tracing your fingers lightly over the darkish patches, you wonder how long you've been out. Just then, the door to your right opens to reveal a puffy faced Bucky. He seems even stockier now, given your frail state. Slowly, you close the small gap between you and wrap your arms around his chest, as he does the same over your shoulders. Stroking your hair, he buries his face in the side of your head, breathing shaky breaths next to your ear.

Bucky
"I thought I lost you."

Y/n
"I'd never let you get away that easy."

You feel the side of his cheek rise slightly, behind your ear, into a half smile.

Bucky
"I should have told you where I was going. Y/n, I'm so sor-"

Y/n
"Don't you dare apologise. This wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known."

You know that he'll still blame himself no matter what you say but he stays silent.

Y/n
"How long have I been out?"

Bucky
"A few hours."

You pull back from him, confused by the response to your question.

Y/n
"That's not possible. I had a cut on my lip and a bruise on my cheek..."

Bucky
"Whatever Sharon did to you, it's making you heal quicker. Almost as quickly as me."

Y/n
"Do we know what it is? What she did?"

He tilts his head slightly in confusion, furrowing his brows.

Bucky
"You don't remember..."

You match his confused expression before raking your memories. Small images bubble to the surface but nothing of great explanation comes up. You remember the feeling of heat beneath your skin. The glow illuminating everything around you. You remember feeling danger, and your instincts taking over. Patchy and fuzzy clips whizz past your vision of fighting, perhaps some flames.

A Drop In The Ocean - Ron Pope

Bucky
"Look, maybe you should sit down, we can talk about what happened, see what you remem-"

Y/n
"No, I don't want to sit down! Just tell me."

He takes a pause before deciding to continue, taken back by your urgent tone.

Bucky
"When I found you, Sharon had you with three guards. After she set them on me, you... changed. You were, glowing. You left her on the ground and started on the guards. You took out one and then the other two without even touching them."

As he speaks, you slot the images together in your head like a puzzle. The ball from earlier returns to your throat as you realise what you did.

Y/n
"Oh my god... I killed someone."

Bucky tries to pull you back within his arms to comfort you, but nothing will distract you from the image of the mans lifeless eyes staring at you. You push yourself away from him, consumed by the feeling of guilt.

Bucky
"You weren't yourself, you didn't know what you were doing."

Y/n
"But I did. I remember, I wanted to do it. I was so angry that I wanted to kill someone."

You try your best to keep the tears from falling as they sit in puddles above your lower eyelid. You can see in his face that all Bucky wants to do is reassure and comfort you. Nothing you say has any consequence to him, but you just feel you've lost all deserving of his sympathy.

Bucky
"Look, some guys Fury sent wanna take a look at you to figure out what it is Sharon did, okay? We'll find out what this is. But I know you, and that wasn't you."

Finally, you let him pull you back to his chest.

Bucky
"You're not the only one who can do the eye thingy."

Y/n
"Eye thingy?"

Bucky
"When we first met, you told me that you could tell I wasn't a killer when you looked in my eyes, remember? Thats the last thing I see in your eyes."