A Little Calm...

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Half The World Away - AURORA

After storming out of the conference room, you circled the medical floor a few times and the training rooms twice. You debated letting out your frustrations on a punching bag but decided it probably wasn't productive. Plus with your new found strength, it may result in distruction of property. Instead, you ignore the judgemental glares of security in the small reception area and make your way up to the roof of the building. Bucky eventually found you but didn't rush to look for you, thinking that you needed some space. Like always, he was right.

Bucky
"You okay?"

Y/n
"Not really. Sorry I ran out of there so quick, everything got a bit much."

You don't turn away from your view of the city to hide your bloodshot eyes. Bucky keeps his distance by the door, edging closer every other sentence.

Bucky
"Don't apologise, I get that it's a lot. You probably shouldn't be here though. It's a little exposed."

There's a short pause as you try to compose yourself and think of a new topic to avoid the current subject.

Y/n
"You know I can see our apartment from here."

Bucky
"Really?"

You hear him take the last few steps to stand behind you as you both look at the sunset cityscape.

Bucky
"Where? I don't see it."

Y/n
"Neither can I. It just sounded like a cool way to change the subject."

You can practically feel him roll his eyes as the whispers of a chuckle leave his lips.

Y/n
"I wish I could though. I miss it."

Bucky
"I know. But none of this is just gonna go away, y/n."

Y/n
"I know, I know that."

No longer attempting to cover up your tears, you turn around to face him, resting your hands on his chest.

Y/n
"It's just... we were so happy. And now everything's messed up and it feels like it's not going back to how it was. I don't want things to change, but they already have. I changed. In so many ways. And I keep thinking that the more things I can try to reverse, the closer I'll feel to the person I was before."

Taking a deep breath, Bucky raises a hand to your cheek and brushes away a tear. Tucking you under his chin, he gently strokes your hair and your back.

Bucky
"We're not going back to how it was before. And you're not gonna be the same person you were. As much as we wish all of this never happened, it did. And we can't just ignore it. I promise, we will get back to a version of normal but you've gotta start processing all of this to do so. Not just push it to the back of the closet."

Y/n
"I can't get them out of my head, Buck."

Bucky
"Who?"

Y/n
"The men. I know, they were bad guys, but they're all I can see when I close my eyes."

Bucky
"You remember who you're talking to right?"

Y/n
"How did you do it? How did you... deal?"

Bucky
"Court mandated therapy. And a little anger management."

Y/n
"I didn't know you had anger management sessions."

Bucky
"Well, it was more just, punching things... and people. Terrorists, mainly."

You pry your forehead away from his shoulder with a small amused smile to look him in the eye.

Y/n
"I love you."

Bucky
"I love you too."