The weirdo and the freak

Out in the open

Eddie just sat there twiddling his fingers and taking the odd swig from his bottle of beer. "Right, so I guess that I will talk if you want to just sit and listen then that is fine. You don't need to say anything and I don't expect that you will but I feel that I at least owe you an apology and the truth." Eddie carried on staring right past me and drinking his beer, I could see that he was high as well so I continued. "Steve kissed me a few days after I first met him. The first one I pushed him away. There were 3 more occasions and I will admit that at no other time did I push him away. One of those occasions I was upset, one was unexpected and the final time I was angry and upset with you but I am not trying to blame you, just explain myself. During the power cut was the first and only time that we had had sex though. When we went home I showered because I felt dirty and disgusted with myself. It felt as though showering would get rid of the fact that I had done that. I knew I had fucked up and that I had lost you. I told you because you deserve better than me. I didn't do it because I stopped loving you, I never will stop loving you but I know that you won't forgive me and I appreciate that you don't owe me forgiveness or that I even deserve it  but I need to at least be honest with you." I stopped myself and looked at him.

He finally looked at me as though he was coming back down to earth but with his darker than I had ever seen them before. "Did you enjoy it?" I stared at him puzzled. "I asked you, did you enjoy it? With him?" He spat his words at me with real venom in his tone. 

"I'm not going to lie to you Eddie, it was ok of course it was otherwise I wouldn't have done it but the guilt after was too much for me to take. I wouldn't do it again if that's what you want to know. I didn't enjoy it but I didn't not enjoy it either. It was different. Before him, you were the only person I had slept with. I don't know what else you expect me to say to you other than I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you but I did and I don't deserve you or your forgiveness. I just needed to apologise and see that you are ok. Doesn't seem to me as though you are alright though."

"I'm fine. Just pleased that I saw your true colours before we were too far down the line. I am glad that you feel guilty though because you do deserve to feel guilty. I hope that it keeps you awake at night like it has me. You have seen that I am ok, you have said you are sorry so I guess that as there is nothing else to say, you can leave now can't you Y/N?" He went back to staring through me.

"Ok, well thanks for listening to me, you have made your feelings clear so I don't see the point in dragging this out any longer than we need too. See you around then Eddie." I started to cry but knew he had just made his choice and it wasn't one that involved a future with me and I couldn't blame him for that. As I walked out of his bedroom door I removed the trailer key from my pocket and the ring from my hand and placed them on his dresser.

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EDDIE'S POV

What the hell was she expecting from me? She fucked another guy and then acted as though she was pleased to see me. I watched her leave and saw her hesitate at the door but that was only to put my things on my dresser. That was it. She obviously chose Harrington as she didn't really fight for me did she? She apologised and then left when I said she could. And now she was placing my door key and ring on my dresser. I heard her sob as she entered the hallway, the door to the trailer slammed and then I heard the car pull away.

The worst part was feeling as though she didn't fight for me, fight for us and now she was probably running straight back to King Steve. I bet he didn't climb in her window, give her his rings, give her a key, plan a future with her. I couldn't help but wish that I was a little more sober and less high then I could have tried to fight for her but it seemed to me as though she didn't want me.

 Maybe she just needed some space. I can't blame her, she had never slept with anyone else. Temptation can be a son of a bitch to people. I know that but mine was drugs not King Steve. I talked myself out of being angry with her. I felt like I needed to do something but first things first, I needed some sleep. So I finished my beer and fell asleep ready to try and wake up refreshed. I hadn't slept since Wednesday so figured I would probably sleep the afternoon away. It wasn't even lunchtime but depression can be as much of a bitch as temptation.