Stray Kids | Sickfics

Vlive | Felix

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Felix's pov

"Is everyone ready? Yes? Okay, we'll start then", Chan excitedly said while pressing on the live button.

After an entire month we finally deciced to do a vlive alltogether since we were so busy the last few weeks. Stays kept asking for a live stream so here we are, sitting on our couch in our dorm infront of thousands of our fans.

Everyone except for Seungmin and Chan had his phone in his hands, reading through the comments. I was sitting on Changbin's lap, next to me were Hyunjin, Jisung and Minho and Seungmin, Chan and Jeongin were sitting comfortably on the ground so that we were all in the frame.

Stays were commenting the usual questions, like how and where we are, what time it is for us and what we're planning to do. Chan mostly read out loud and answered some of the questions, while the others, mostly Jisung and Hyunjin, were laughing their butts off.

"Hyunjin, are you free tonight?", Jisung asked in a flirtatious way and with a smirk on his face, clearly enjoying what some of their fans were writing, while the said other was trying to calm himself.

"No, I already have a date with you guys", he said between laughing and gasping for air. I looked at the comments that were nearly exploding, they were so fast I couldn't read a single one.

After some time, Chan, Jeongin and Changbin were discussing about a new food place, while the others were eather listening or silently reading the comments.

"Why is Felix staring at Jisung?", some fan wrote which caught my eye. I tried to ignore what I just read but my name kept appearing in the comments.

"Felix stop talking", Jisung read out loud, immediately followed by Hyunjin's laughter.

Although I knew it was sarcastic and probably a joke, I was still somehow hurt, but did a fake laugh anyways. Now I tried to avoid looking at Jisung at all costs, so there wouldn't be any comments about that. However, most of the comments were still about me and some of them were really not nice.

"He is so weird guys", "Flop singer in a flop band", "Wasn't Felix eliminated or smth? He shouldn't be here anyways".

I could feel my face heating up by the sudden change of atmosphere. I lifted my head up from my phone and noticed that Seungmin and Minho were giving me some empathic looks. I started to feel tears dwelling up my eyes but I blinked them away.

No one read out a comment and I had a good idea why they didn't. I felt like everyone was focused on me, like they want to know how I'll react to all these comments. I felt completely small and humiliated.

"What's up with these comments", Jisung stated, half heartedly as a joke but no one laughed.

I didn't even look up anymore, I just stared down at my phone, at the live chat that was filling with comments. So many languages, so many different countries but only one name.

Why would they write things like that? Am I really that weird and talentless and not worthy to be in this group?

I tried to fight back my tears once again but the lump in my throat seemed to grow bigger and bigger.

One comment was giving me the rest to stand up and leave the room as quickly as possible. The others were calling out my name but I didn't listen.

"Stays, thank you for watching, we'll end this stream now, goodbye", was the only thing I could here before breaking down onto the ground, crying and thinking about the comment that had been stuck in my head. 

Changbin's pov

There was silence in the room. A very oppressive silence.

"What the hell happened?", Hyunjin shouted stunned, looking at us with great concern.

Everyone was speechless about how the live stream has ended. No one expected these hate comments, they were coming out of complete nowhere.

"Why are people like this, just...why", Seungmin mumbled quietly.

I couldn't stand sitting there anymore and left the room to find Felix. I didn't have to search for long, he was right behind the door, curled up on the floor. His face was hidden in his arms and his hands were clenched to fists.

"F-Felix". I slowly approached him and carefully touched his arm. He stopped sobbing and looked up from his position. It made my heart ache as I saw this devestated look on his face.

This look I've never seen from him and I wish I wouldn't see again. His eyes full of hurt and pain, his mouth trembling in fear and only allowing sobs to come through. We stared at each other for a moment before he wiped his tears away and took a few deep breathes.

"I'm okay hyung, y-you don't have to look after me". His voice was soft and fragile, as if it and his heart would break any minute. He was trying so hard, I thought, so hard to act strong and okay so I won't have to worry about him.

I studied his face that told me that he felt the complete opposite. I shook my head.

"Felix, I can see that you're not okay, please...just let me help you". I opened my arms and waited for him to fall into my embrace but he only gave a whimper in response and tears were streaming down his face, which he desperately tried to hide.

I grabbed his hands that were much smaller than mine and squeezed them gently.

"Lixie,...I'm...so sorry", I whispered.

I felt guilty. Guilty for not standing up to him in the live stream or doing anything so that these damn haters would stop commenting.

I suddenly felt his hands moving in mine and before I knew it he fell into my arms, clutching me tightly. I could feel his whole body shaking as heavy sobs escaped his mouth.

"Sh, I'm here...I'm right here", I whispered to him, while stroking his head.

"It...it h-hurts hyung", he sobbed into my arms which made my heart twist.

We stayed like this for a few moments until there were no more tears to shed.

I haven't left Felix's side until he fell asleep eventually, with a wound left deep in his heart that would not easily heal.

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a/n:

Happy Birthday Felix!! ❤️

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