Stray Kids | Sickfics

Secret | Seungmin

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a/n:

x tw: mentions of self-harm x

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Chan's pov

"Guys, we should be ready in half an hour!", I shouted so everyone could here me.

We were currently backstage getting ready for our last concert in Seoul. Seungmin, Minho and me were waiting for our outfits while the others were already in another room, where we would stay and prepare until the concert.

"I wonder what I'll get to wear today", Minho said tiredly while stretching his arms.

"How long did you work out yesterday?", I asked as I saw his pained expression.

"A few hours I think".

I nodded and gave my attention to the stylist, who just arrived with our costumes.

"This is for Bangchan, this for Minho and this...", he held a black jacket with a low cutout and short sleeves in his hands, "this is for Seungmin".

He gave us the clothes and we made our way to the changing room. Before I closed the curtains, I saw Seungmin talking to the stylist. He seemed rather upset as the stylist shook his head and walked off. I frowned and looked at Seungmin who stood there as if stunned, his gaze still locked on the door, where the stylist walked through.

I was about to say something when a staff member came to help me putting on the accessories. After I've changed, I stepped out of the changing room and waited for the others to come out. I didn't have to wait long until Minho was done.

"Hyung, how do I look?", he asked as he turned around to show his outfit.

"It's-

"Hyung! You need to come quickly please!", Felix suddenly yelled from behind.

I turned and looked at him confused. "What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you on the way", he hurriedly replied and grabbed my hand.

Judging by his face, it had to be something serious, so I gave in and followed him quickly.

"To make it short: I saw Seungmin running to the toilet and I swear he was crying and it just seemed odd to me so I looked for you", Felix explained in a rush as we were walking to the room, where the others were.

"Wait, Seungmin ran off? Was he wearing his costume?", I asked confused.

"No, I don't think so"

We entered the room, where the other members were already stretching and warming up for the concert. Changbin stopped in his actions as he noticed me.

"He locked himself in there and he won't come out", he said while pointing at a door. I stared at him for a few seconds before rushing to the bathroom.

I knocked softly at the door but received no answer. Only quiet sobs could be heard from the other side which made my concerns grow rapidly.

"Seungmin, it's me, Chan, please open the door for me", I said softly but in a serious tone.

I put my ear against the door in order to hear whatever was going on in there but I couldn't make out the sounds that were coming from the other side.

Someone suddenly tapped me on my shoulder. "Hyung, we got another key for the bathroom", Minho said while holding a key in his hands.

"We can't just go in there!", I protested, feeling unwell to invade someone's personal space.

"We must! We have to be out in a few minutes, how are we supposed to perform?", Minho returned, clearly stressed out by the time pressure. I could feel my own stress level rise so I just grabbed the key and slowly unlocked the door.

"Seungmin, I'm sorry but I'm coming in now".

When I entered the small room, my eyes immediately fell on Seungmin who was curled up on the ground, his eyes and cheeks all puffy and red from probably crying. I couldn't help but to feel a little stinge in my heart as he seemed so small and broken.

"Minnie, what's wrong?", I asked with a soft voice, while kneeling down beside him. I didn't hesitate and took his hands in mine but he immediately snapped away.

"D-don't touch m-me", he sobbed, his voice shaking badly.

"Seungmin, can you please tell me what's wrong? I just want to help you, I don't want to hurt you, you know that". I tried to look at him but he hid his face in his chest and clasped his arms around his body. I then noticed that he wasn't wearing the outfit the stylist gave him. The black jacket and trousers were tossed aside, next to Seungmin. Then I put one and one together.

"You don't like what the stylists gave you?", I asked, unsure of how he'll react. He indeed looked up at me with sad puppy eyes, wandering between the clothes on the ground and me. He then nodded timidly.

"Are you uncomfortable with wearing that? It's okay, I will make sure you won't have to wear this", I returned and offered my hand to him. "We can change outfits if you want", I added while giving him a confirming smile.

However my smile instantly faded as I saw how pale he turned again. "Did I say something wrong? I didn't mea-"

"No, hyung, I-", he let his head fall down again and sobbed even harder than before. I felt completely helpless.

"I have to show you something", he whimpered, while pulling his sleeves up. My eyes widened in shock as I saw scars on his wrists, that covered most of his underarm. They looked red and fresh and at first I didn't know what to say. I had so many questions but I didn't want him to feel judged or uncomfortable. "Minnie, I-"

"I'm so sorry h-hyung, I'm so sorry", he cried out, burying his face into his knees. His whole body was trembling as heavy sobs escaped his mouth.

"Hey hey, don't cry, it's fine, it's good that you've told me", I shushed him while stroking his back. I gently embraced him to show that he can trust me and that he'll have my support.

"I should've told you sooner, I-I didn't want it but...but-", he began but his voice broke again.

As I watched him struggling to speak I realized how hard it must've been for the boy. He had such a huge burden on his shoulder and I just wanted him to feel better.

"Minnie, you don't need to explain if you aren't comfortable with telling me. But I'm here for you no matter what. You can always talk to me", I assured him to which he nodded slightly.

"Y-You are not angry?"

"How can I be angry at you? It breaks my heart to see how much you've suffered but together we'll find a way to help you", I said while squeezing his hand gently.

"Okay". He took a deep breath and wiped his tears away.

"Do you think you can perform? You really don't have to if you're not feeling good".

He shook his head. "No, I want to, stays make me happy and I need that right now. But what about the outfit?" His eyes wandered to the clothes on the ground again.

I thought for a moment while helping him up from the floor. "Minho has long sleeves, he would surely swap outfits. I won't tell anything, I promise as long as you don't want me to", I smiled softly at him.

He returned a small smile and followed me out of the bathroom. Before I opened the door I turned to him again.

"I'm proud of you Seungmin, I really am"

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a/n:

this one is kinda bad ngl, but next chapter will be very fluffy I think~

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