Stray Kids | Sickfics

Changed | Han

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a/n:

tw: grief, depression

sequel of "Shock | Han" ( you can find it in this book! )

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Jisung's pov

He is dead.

The man who raised me, who cared for me, who supported me throughout my whole life is dead.

The man who I called my father has passed away.

It seems so unreal, so impossible to happen but it did. He had a car accident and was put into coma but after a few days his state drastically changed. The doctors couldn't save him, there was nothing they could do. Nothing to prevent my father from dying.

My father didn't deserve to die under such circumstances, he was a good man, a good husband and a good father, who did everything for his family. Such a lovely and kind person, who gave me the hope and strength to achieve all my dreams and to become who I am today.

He helped me to stand up after I failed. He brought me happiness, when I was at my lowest. He showed me that it is possible to live your dreams, only if you have the will to do it.

And I believed him, I believed what he said and I found my true happiness thanks to him.

And how did I return his help?

By moving away, hardly ever visiting and being too busy calling him back.

And nevertheless he was proud of me. His son, a popular idol in Korea, who performed infront of thousands of people.

I couldn't believe what mum told me after he died. How he watched every single video of me, how he cried infront of the television, how proud he looked whenever he saw me in magazines.

My father really loved me, more than I ever thought. His death left my heart in broken pieces and I am too weak to fix them together. I'm not ready to return to my friends and go on with my life but I don't have much of a choice, do I?

"You have your whole life ahead of you, go and live it", my father would've probably said and I would've probably laughed at him for being so poetic.

I will miss his encouraging words, that fitted anytime. His familiar and soothing voice that gave me all the comfort I needed. Him as an important constant in my life.

I will never forget you dad, I promise.

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Time skip

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I sighed as I opened the door to the dorm where I've lived for a few years and yet it felt so strange to call this my home. As if the death of my father has made me turn into another person. A stranger, who didn't belong to any place.

"Oh my god, Jisung?! Is that you?" A slightly taller person embraced me in a suffocating hug, which made me realize how much I've actually missed my friends. I was on hiatus for three months and then I couldn't bare to stay at my family's place any longer and do nothing.

I had to come back to my friends although I knew it would be hard. I just didn't know what to do and I felt lost and lonely since my father's death.

"I'm so glad you're back, you don't know how much we've all missed you!", Jeongin yelled happily as he dragged me into the living room.

"I wasn't gone for that long", I chuckled as I saw how excited he was to see me again.

"Guys, look who has arrived!"

Six confused heads turned around at the same time which made me laugh. It was my first real laugh after a long time. It felt good, somehow, but also wrong at the same time. I couldn't describe it but I quickly pushed the thought out of my head and greeted everyone individually.

"I'm happy you're back", Minho smiled and hugged me tightly. "It was so quiet without you", Felix said, to which everyone agreed to.

Well, don't expect me to be like I was before.

I bit my tongue and continued to catch up with the others. They had lots to tell and I was glad that I didn't have to talk that much. After nearly three hours it was already late and I still had to unpack my stuff.

"Jisung, I thought it would be better if you can choose where to sleep", Chan said while I grabbed my suitcase.

"Oh that's...yeah uhm, thank you", I replied to which he returned a smile.

I thought for a moment. It was fun to share rooms with Felix and Changbin for the past years but I'm not sure how I feel about that now. I want a change, no I needed a change to go on with my life because everything in my old room will remind me of my father.

I needed a new room with one person that would understand my feelings without having to talk much. A person that would notice if something is off, no matter how hard I try to hid it.

"Can I sleep in Minho's room?"

I gave Minho a quick glance who gave me a nod, followed by a smile.

"Of course! I'll help you with the bags", Chan exclaimed and together we brought my stuff upstairs. I opened the door to Minho's room. It wasn't very big but wasn't small either and there were cute cat pictures on the wall.

"I forgot how it looked like", I said more too myself, forgetting that Chan was still next to me.

"Uhm, Jisung, can I ask you something?", he cleared his throat. I turned to look at him, confused to the sudden change of tone in his voice. I nodded.

"You know that you can always talk to me right? Seriously, if you ever feel alone or if something's bothering you, come to me. And I don't want to be annoying but...how are you really feeling?", he shifted from one foot to another and looked at me with a worried face.

How should I be feeling? How can I desribe what I'm feeling right now?

Sad.

Empty.

Broken.

Lost.

Good.

Is what I'm saying in the end. It's what I've always said since that day. It's surprisingly easier to lie about feelings than speaking the truth.

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a/n:

noooo, what am I doing? This certainly isn't a oneshot, nor does this belong into this book. I feel like this is a whole story and not just a short sickfic story but if I would write a new book, I feel it would only have a few chapters that wouldn't make sense at all. Let's just say this is a long prehistory and next part will be the "actual" story. ( if you want another part of course ;) )

Maybe, just maybe, I will turn this into an actual book, where sickfiction isn't the only genre included. If you want something like that, please write in the comments and I will do what I can. Again, I'm sorry if this part doesn't feel right to be in this book.

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