Stray Kids | Sickfics

Ruined | Minho pt2

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a/n:

tw: hate, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, cursing

...and the story continues! (after nearly a month 🙄)

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Minho's pov

"What were you trying to do?" His tone was grave, his gaze penetrating, as if searching the depths of my soul.

"I... I don't know," I replied, stunned that he had found me, and even more so that it was Chan. Denying anything to Chan was futile; he possessed an uncanny ability to see through people, something I had always admired. Sure, it was frustrating how effortlessly he could read me, but ultimately, I trusted his insight to help me navigate my troubles.

But this time, I wasn't sure if he still understood me. Perhaps because I had shut everyone and everything out, acting recklessly towards him and the others, inadvertently causing hurt. He had every right to be angry  at me, scream at me and tell me what an awful person I was.

Yet, he simply stared, his eyes falling upon my hand where I had unknowingly cut myself with the blade.

I  suddenly became calm although I was in the worst situation someone could possibly be. I almost wanted to laugh at Chan, laugh at his speechlessness and tell him what a fucked up person I was.

I was curious what he was going to do. Kick me out of the group? Tell our manager? I wouldn't blame him. Would it hurt me? It would mean that I don't have anyone anymore. Although I've lost them a while ago, there's still some part of me who wants to believe that it's not too late, that there's still hope.

That there's someone who can pull me out of all this.

"Give me that," he said, gesturing to the knife still clutched in my hand. Slowly, I placed it on the ground beside me, watching as droplets of blood fell.

The silence hung heavily in the air as he treated my  wound with some tissues, stopping the bleeding. He sat down next to me, looking at the view infront of us. The city at night shimmered under the weight of a million flickering lights, each one a reminder of dreams pursued and lost. The neon glow painted a facade of vibrancy over a city that never truly slept.

"Can...can you tell me what is going on?" His voice was gentle but it made the knot in my stomach tighten further.

I swallowed hard, trying to find the words to explain, but they caught in my throat. Where were my thoughts at? All those scenarious and conversations I've played through in my head were all gone and I realized, I wasn't prepared for anyone to find me here.

Why was Chan so composed, so patient? It only intensified my unease.

"I- I'm not doing too well", I stuttered like a scared kid that just got caught by their parents.

Surprisingly, Chan averted his gaze, fixating on the skyline ahead.

"Why do you keep everything to  yourself, Minho." Slow deep breathes escaped his mouth, his eyes  becoming glossier with every second.

In my mind it was so easy to describe what I was feeling but it was so hard to say it out loud, to a person who wants nothing more than for you to be okay.

"Guess I can't handle being an idol anymore."

Saying this made my heart race erratically, its beats echoing in my ears like a drumroll of impending doom. Every word I uttered felt like a heavy stone, making it hard to breathe, as if the air itself had turned thick with guilt and regret.

"So...what exactly was your plan? Hurt yourself and then what, bleed out to death?"

I didn't know what I was thinking. I thought I had a plan but deep down I knew I was too scared. Another thing I couldn't admit.

"I just...didn't know...I thought I wanted to do something but I can't. C-Can't do it."

At this point I was just mumbling confusedly as if I was alone. I couldn't bring myself to meet his gaze, couldn't bear to see the disappointment and disapproval that I knew would be written there. But at the same time, I found myself strangely indifferent to his reaction. What did it matter anyway?

What did it matter if he walked away and left me alone in the darkness? In the end, I was already alone, trapped in the suffocating embrace of my own mind.

"Minho. I- you can tell me anything. I won't be mad."

He didn't get it. I wanted him to be mad because I could handle Chan being angry at me. I sighed deeply, attempting to collect my scattered thoughts, but they eluded me.

"I don't know. I don't know how to explain...this. I guess everything just became too much for me and it's been going on for a while."

"How long?"

"Chan it doesn't matter, does it? Why are you even here?"

My voice wavered, sounding pitiful. Don't you see? He wants to help you.

"I care about you. Whether you want it or not, whether you care about me or not, I can't stop caring about you."

I glanced up at him, meeting his gaze with a mix of surprise and uncertainty. There was a gentleness there, a genuine concern that I couldn't ignore.

I wanted to believe him, to let his words pierce through the thick fog of despair that clouded my mind. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake the feeling of hopelessness that clung to me like a second skin. His declaration should have made me feel something—gratitude, perhaps, or relief—but instead, it only served as a stark reminder of my own inability to feel.

"I want to believe you," I confessed, my voice barely audible over the distant hum of the city below. "But I don't know if I can. I'm... I'm just so tired of feeling this way."

Tears threatened to spill over, but I refused to let them. I didn't deserve the release of tears.

Not after everything I had put myself through.

He reached out, a silent offer of comfort, but I couldn't bring myself to accept it. The thought of his touch sent a shiver down my spine, a reminder of the barriers I had built around myself.

I glanced once more into the abyss below, the void beckoning me with its silent call.

How would it feel to leap into the void, to surrender to the unknown? Would the fall be a rush of exhilaration, a fleeting moment of freedom before the inevitable? Or would it be a harrowing descent into oblivion, every second stretching out into an eternity of regret?

Would it be a regret?

I couldn't shake the haunting notion that perhaps it would be better for everyone if I just let go.

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a/n:

It's hard to finish this story :/

-hope you're all healthy and well! - ˙ᵕ˙

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