Beyond Control

Chapter 12

((Sensitive material in this chapter: contents include talks of suicide and mental health. Please read with caution))
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~*Lan Xichen's POV*~

As my disciples and I made our way to Qiongqi Path, I met up with Da Ge and informed him of the situation. He didn't like the Wen's much but knowing this and seeing for himself how they were being treated, he agreed to help me. He agreed to take them back to Qinghe with him. I asked if I could take some of them back with me. He said it was fine.

The Wens divided into two groups. Wen Qing and Wen Ning were in my group along with several others, including the child. The other Wens, who were also not cultivators, and were not of Wen Qing's village, went with Da-Ge.

When we returned to Cloud Recesses, I had them all stay at the infirmary for a while so they could heal. I then decided to go inform Uncle about everything and then speak with Wangji. I spent some time explaining everything I witnessed to Uncle. He was shocked to know of it all. He said he informed Wangji and Wuxian so I wanted to go speak with them personally.

As I was heading to the Jingshi, I saw Wuxian storm out and head to the back hills. My first instinct was to go after him but my brotherly instincts kicked in and wanted to check on Wangji. When I stepped inside the Jingshi, Wangji looked a bit different...stunned almost.

"Wangji, what happened?" I asked.

He just shook his head, "why did Wuxian storm out? He is injured beyond belief and he should be resting. What happened?" I asked.

"Wei Ying kissed me," he told me.

I blinked and my brain just felt like it flipped over inside my head, "he...what?"

"Kissed me," he repeated.

"Why did he storm out?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said.

"I will go speak with him...but did you want him to do that?" I asked.

He finally looked me in the eyes and nodded. I just let out a sigh. These boys.

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~*Wei Wuxian's POV*~

I wasn't sure what was going through my head. All I know is, one second I was looking into his eyes, and the next, I was holding his face in my hands and kissed him on the lips...Lan Zhan's lips. They were a bit cool but they were also soft. Seeing as he wasn't responding and didn't kiss me back, I pulled away. He looked shocked by my actions.

"Lan Zhan.. I'm sorry," I told him and before he could get a word out I stormed out of the Jingshi.

I went into the backhills of Cloud Recesses. When I was as far enough away from Lan Zhan's place as possible, I fell to my knees and then sat down. I curled up my legs to my chest and I just cried. I felt awful. I just kissed him like that. I know I wished for death once, It was again on my mind. I gently held out the amulet, seeing it in its full resentful iron self.

"You're not thinking about doing what I think you are?" I heard someone ask.

I turned and saw it was Lan Xichen, "it would probably solve a bunch of things," I told him.

"Wangji told me what happened," he said, "you do not need to be upset."

"Upset? I kissed him without consent and you say I don't need to be upset?" I asked.

"He said he was okay with it," he told me.

I just shook my head, "I don't know what to believe right now. Because of this stupid thing, voices haunt me every single day. Because of my choices, I have lost more than I could have ever expected to. I just want this pain and suffering to go away!"

"I know you do, but killing yourself isn't going to help," he said, "you will suffer from the outcome for destroying it. My brother really cares for you. I care about you. I even managed to get Wen Qing and Wen Ning here safely. So please, put the amulet away and we can talk."

***

~*Lan Xichen's POV*~

I let out a sigh of relief as I saw him put the amulet away. He then started to cry harder, "Xichen-Ge, please help me."

I carefully walked over to him and knelt down beside him, "I will do my best, A'Xian," I said to him calmly and pulled him into a hug.

I just sat there and held him as he cried. He needed to get it out. The best I can do right this second, is offer him support and give him a shoulder to cry on. As I sat there with him, I saw Wangji slowly approach us. He looked sorry for hurting Wuxian...though it wasn't really his fault.

"A'Xian, would you be willing to talk with Wangji?" I asked.

"I don't know...I feel ashamed for doing that to him," he said.

"I'm not," Wangji said, "I'm glad you did it."

Wei Wuxian looked up at my brother, "what?" He asked.

"I am glad," Wangji repeated, "I liked it."

Wei Wuxian sat up a bit stunned from what he heard. He had a hard time believing me but he needed to hear it from Wangji himself for him to truly believe him.

"I can give you two some space," I said.

Wei Wuxian nodded. I stood up and Wangji took my place. I let out another sigh of relief that Wei Wuxian was okay...for now. There was no telling if he would have another episode like that.