Beyond Control

Chapter 16

((This chapter contains sensitive content: please read with caution))
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After getting some new insight from Wen Qing on Wei Wuxian's recovery, I decided to go and see him. He must be not only bored, but I'm sure he has things on his mind he wishes to let out. I know Wangji would want him to have Wuxian confide to him but Wangji wasn't one to openly say that to Wuxian. Plus, Wangji was spending time with Uncle, making sure the Wen Remnants would have a proper place in Cloud Recesses until this all blows over with the Jin Sect.

With Wei Wuxian, I also have come to notice that you have to poke a little bit to get him to open up. Not poke in a way to annoy him into saying anything but poke in a way to get him to understand that he has people around him who wish to help him. When I arrived to the Jingshi, Wei Wuxian was leaning against the wall and looked out the winder beside him as he sat on his bed. He looked like he has some things on his mind.

"A'Xian?" I calmly called for him.

He slowly turned his head to me. His eyes were a bit red and puffed up, as if he had been crying. I gave him a gentle smile to assure him that I am here.

"May I sit with you?" I asked pointing to the spot beside him on his bed. He just responded with a nod, "do you need to talk or do you just need a shoulder?" I asked him.

His eyes met mine, I could see trauma and pain, "maybe both," he said, "I'm not sure."

"Is it about the treatment or something else?" I asked.

"Both," he answered.

"Does Wangji allow you to talk with him if you need to let things off your chest?" I asked.

"Maybe, I didn't really ask him," he said, "I'm sure he would listen, I just....can't get myself to talk. It's like my heart says it wants to but my brain says it doesn't."

"Wangji wants to be there for you," I told him, "remember that. He is worried about losing you."

"I know," he said, "To be honest, you and Lan Zhan are the only thing keeping my head from completely spinning out of control. A long time ago, I would be like this with my Shijie, but I'm not sure if I can open up to her either. The people I care about, or say they care about me, I convince myself to open up but I expect retaliation from it, or to be yelled at. So a lot of times, I just don't say anything."

"You don't have to worry about that with Wangji and me," I assured him, "we are always here to listen and will never scold you for it, or judge you."

He just nodded.

"With the treatments you are doing, I know we say that you should relax but since it is so nice out, you can also rest outside if you want some fresh air," I told him.

"It's fine," he said, "I don't mind hiding away. I haven't been much of a people person lately. I have been that way since I came back from the burial mounds...I don't really let people touch me anymore either. I fear it will either cause me pain or they will find out I have no golden core. Plus, I don't know if the resentful energy will lash out at anyone. Back at Lotus Pier, both Jiang Cheng and Shijie said that if I am seen having a bad dream or nightmare, the resentful energy guards me like a shield. It won't let others touch me without throwing them across the room."

"I have noticed your distant behavior. It's what got me worrying about you. Aside from you clashing with Wangji," I told him.

He nodded, "we just had misunderstandings at that time."

"I know," I told him. The more time I am around Wei Wuxian, the more I see him as a little brother to me. I worry for him like he is one. I worry just like I worry for Wangji. Normally, I am not one to get like this but a part of me really enjoys his company and likes to see him happy. I want to be a brother to him, one that he can count on.

"Is there anything else you wish to speak about?" I asked.

"How are the Wens?" He asked.

"They are settling in nicely," I answered.

"That's good to hear," he said, "it must be nice to be doing better."

I sighed for him, "you can get through this," I told him, "it's going to take a lot of willpower but you can do this...have you been to the cold spring today?"

"Not yet, Lan Zhan said he'd take me when he returns," he said.

"Maybe he can allow me to take you just once," I told him, "come."

Wuxian nodded and carefully stood up. As his body was being healed and he hasn't been using resentful energy, he has been cleansed of it quite a bit. The amulet, Wangji told me that only him and Wuxian know where it is...and they made sure of it. I helped Wuxian into the spring and just meditated as I waited for his session to end in the spring. After his fifteen minutes, I could hear his teeth chattering. I handed him his robes and he dressed up. I held him close to me to let him gain some heat back. Once Wuxian was back, he took his medicine as he was required and decided to rest. The medicine tends to make tired so I left him once he was asleep. I met with Wangji to let him know I took A'Xian to the spring today. He said he was okay with it. Once his duties were finished he went back to him.