Beyond Control

Chapter 18

After helping Wuxian settle in a spare room I have in my place, I gave him the books that I gathered for him. He said he would be okay while I go speak with Wangji. On my way to finding my brother, I stopped at the infirmary to inform Wen Qing and the other healer in charge of Wei Wuxian about him moving to my space and giving them an update on things. They thanked me and then let me in my way. When I finally found Wangji, he was in the library doing some sort of research.

"This wasn't something you could do at the Jingshi?" I asked calmly.

"Can't take books out," he said, "learning about golden core and cultivation methods."

I nodded with a sigh and sat down across from him, "I want to run something by you," I told him, and it gained his full attention, "are you aware of Wei Wuxian's current issues?"

He shook his head.

"If he were to confide in you would it bother you?" I asked.

"No," he answered.

"Have you told him that?" I asked.

"...no," he said.

"I'm not trying to scold you or create any sort of rift or tension," I said, "but Wei Wuxian really needs full support right now. He wishes to confide in you but he fears of burdening you. His head is filled with past actions and negative interactions that it plagues him...he even told me that he has felt a but uncomfortable and unwelcome within Jingshi recently...as you have been out most of the time and you two can't seem to sit down to talk things out...I know you have a hard time talking and communicating but Wei Wuxian really needs to know that he can count on you."

"He can, and I don't mean to make him feel that way," he said.

"I know...you may be upset and may not even like it, but for the time being, as Wei Wuxian needs some time, he is staying with me in The Hanshi," I told him.

His eyes now looked angry, "what?" He asked.

"He does not wish to hurt you and it is not my intention either. You both need time to work out your courting each other and communicating. It is also a bit soon to have you both under one roof. Especially since Wei Wuxian has had several breakdowns and even considered taking his life during one of those breakdowns," I explained, "I need you to understand that this is for him to recover. You both need time. I also believe you both need to talk about things as well but you need to know that he is struggling. He has been wanting to confide in you but he fears rejection and being burdensome."

"I understand," he said. His eyes were starting to fill with tears.

"Please don't cry, Wangji...he didn't leave Cloud Recesses. He needs time. And during this time, you should think as well. Think about just how much he may need you. You both are still young, and I understand that this is all new territory for you. Just please talk to me if you need to, talk to Wuxian as well," I explained.

He nodded, "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," I told him, "you can come see him anytime...okay."

Wangji nodded.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked.

He nodded, "in time."

"I'm not doing this to hurt either of you or punish you. He just needs stability. He has lived a life where he doesn't even know what that means. I would really like it if you could help me with him. I will do what I can to help you and guide you through this process," I explained to him.

"Promise me," he said.

"I promise," I said.

"Also promise me, he will come back to me," he said, "I don't want to lose him either."