Beyond Control

Chapter 77

~*Wei Wuxian's POV*~

Since being back, Lan Zhan has been withdrawn. I could tell it was because of the memories of mine that he watched. My past was not a good one, and looking back at it, all it is, is misery and pain. I did not want him to continue on this way, no I felt that I had to do something. I needed his brother's help this time, as this may be beyond just me trying to help him.

Since Lan Zhan was busy at the library, I used this opportunity to go visit Xichen. I made my way to his place and saw Wen Qing leaving as I approached the door. I smiled at them both knowing that they probably had some decent alone time. They are engaged of course.

"A'Ying, do not push it," Wen Qing said.

"I am just happy for you both," I told her, "can I not be happy?"

She sighed, "fine," she said and walked off.

"A'Xian, what brings you by?" Xichen asked.

"It is about Lan Zhan," I told him, "I may need your help with him."

Xichen seemed to have a worried look on his face. He nodded and led me inside. He placed a privacy barrier over the Hanshi in case it was needed.

"So what do you need help with?" Xichen asked.

"Lan Zhan has been distant since we have been back. I try to get him to talk but he said he was fine. I feel like he is not being honest with me. After seeing my memories with Baoshan, he has been different. If he will not talk to me, would he consider talking to you?" I explained.

"I will do what I can to help, as I know he will keep his pain to himself. So thank you for coming to me," Xichen said, "I need you to tell me though, what memories has he seen and what might have been the most important one that had an impact on him."

"He saw everything from my childhood, and up to now," I answered, "he watched me be abused by Madam Yu, he watched the massacre of Lotus Pier, and he watched me get my core cut out and tossed into the mounds. It could be any of them. When looking back at memories, it is dangerous as it can effect the viewers. He was in tears when I woke up after they watched them all. I knew he was not okay, I just did not want to push as him as it may not help. I just do not know what to do. Xichen-Ge...I am so sorry that I got you both involved in all this...and it hurt Lan Zhan so much...what do I do?"

Xichen sighed and looked at me, "I will do what I can to help you," he said moving over to side beside me, "it is not your fault. And we wanted to help you and get involved. He just needs time. But I will speak with him. Okay?"

I nodded, "okay," I said wiping some tears away. Xichen pulled me into a hug. It was something that was very much needed. Everything about me is a mess and all I bring is chaos. I am just trouble waiting to happen, just like Madam Yu said to me.

"I'm so tired," I said to Xichen, "I seem to be going from one problem to another and it all seems so different for me to bare."

"I know," Xichen said, "would you like to hang out here with me for a while? You can rest here. Sleep for a bit if you need it."

"I would like that," I said. Xichen helped me up and led me to the couch. He then had me lay down and covered me with a warm blanket.

***

~*Lan Xichen's POV*~

I sat there beside Wuxian for a while. He curled up close to me as I ran my fingers through his hair. It's been a long time since I offered him any form of comfort. I had the idea that something was wrong with Wangji but just like Wuxian, I do not push at Wangji. He tends to close up further if I was to try to convince him to talk, but as it is effecting Wuxian this much, I had to do something.

It means the world to me though, to see A'Xian care so deeply for him. To see him hurting this much, I knew he was throwing words around inside his head. I have been around Wuxian long enough to know that he will berate himself to the point of breaking if he feels like he did something wrong. In his eyes, he hurt Wangji. I want to tell him over and over, he did not hurt Wangji. Seeing all those memories play out, was just so traumatic for him.

To see a man he loves tortured to such a degree and then still not have a single thread of hate in his body, it could make anyone feel bitter or crazy. Wangji had a right to be angry. Though Wuxian and his siblings have worked things out and they are doing so much better, there will always be something else. Wangji must have seen something specific that really just got to him most. Whether it was the core or if it was the massacre, I wanted to find out.

I am just having to comfort Wuxian first. Seeing him in such emotional pain over this, makes me worry for him. I worry for both of them. As an older brother, and basically Wangji's soul guardian, I am even more concerned then ever.