Beyond Control

Chapter 17

((Sensitive content within chapter, please read with caution))
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~*Wei Wuxian's POV*~

I never expected to gain such a brotherly bond with Zewu Jun. He has become someone that I have come to trust more than ever. He was always true to his word and listens to me if I need to talk. He was like spring breeze melting into rain, warm and gentle and refined. I was creating a Soulmate type of bond with Lan Zhan, and with Zewu Jun, I would like to think of him as my Brother-in-Bond kind of like in-law.

His presence reminded me of Shijie when I first moved to Lotus Pier. She would always make sure I was okay and didn't feel excluded from her and Jiang Cheng. She comforted me when Madam Yu took her hatred out on me, and she let me talk to her whenever Jiang Cheng was being an issue.

With Zewu Jun, it was a bit more than that. He was treating me like a real brother, a real family member. Be kindness and concerns came out all the time. He knows how to help me with Lan Zhan, as Lan Zhan and I are still learning from each other and bonding. Lan Zhan and I had only started courting and we have yet to really sit down and talk about things.

It was hard to get Lan Zhan to sit and talk with me though. I sometimes wonder if he even wants to hear me out. It's the only reason I turn to Zewu Jun when I want to talk to someone instead of Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan hasn't made any effort in letting me know if I can open up to him, and I don't want to burden him if he is bothered by it. I only spoke with Zewu Jun yesterday, and he was back again as Lan Zhan was out again. I really started to feel like I was being shunned by him. It kind of hurt me a little bit and I don't know what to do.

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~*Lan Xichen's POV*~

I saw Wuxian in the same state as I saw him yesterday. Only, he seemed a bit more down. I started to wonder if there was really something going on that he or Wangji are not telling me. I knew how I could pry it out of Wuxian, so I was going to try.

"Hi A'Xian," I greeted as I set some new books down on the desk that I brought for him from the library.

"Good morning, Xichen-Ge," he greeted.

His voice was a little bit more in low spirits so I definitely knew something was wrong. So I went to go sit beside him.

"What's going on?" I asked, "I left you yesterday feeling a bit better and in a pretty decent mood. Why do you seem in such low spirits today?"

He shook his head, "Do I bother Lan Zhan?" He asked looking at me.

"No, why?" I asked.

"He is out again today," he said, "I tried speaking to him last night but I don't know if he is interested in listening to me."

"Why would you assume such things?" I asked.

"I don't want to be a burden to him," he said choking back tears, "all I remember is how annoying I was to him in the past and how much he resented me...I don't even know if he has an interest in listening to me."

Wuxian started to curl up into a ball on the bed. I wasn't having it. I carefully lifted him up and held him on my lap. I wanted to make sure that he knew he was being comforted and I was here. His mind is filled with so much confusion that he doesn't know what is right, or what is wrong or what he should say or do or think. He was lost. This boy did not know how to clear his thoughts properly and he has been so brainwashed of bad things that he believes to be true.

"You are not a burden," I assured him, "if you would like, I can sit down with Wangji for you and see if something is wrong."

He shook his head, "I don't think you should bother...it's so awkward between us right now. I am having a hard time being in the same place as him right now...I don't want to hurt him...but I feel he wants space from me."

Maybe it was too soon to pair the two together under one roof. Wangji may not like it, but I had to step in. I decided to take Wuxian with me to say in the Hanshi until he and Wangji settle things. Wuxian needed time and Wangji, I'm not sure he quite understands just yet how serious Wei Wuxian's issue really is.

"I will speak with Wangji, but I will take you to stay at my place for a while," I told him, it will help you as you recover properly."

He nodded. I then helped him go from the Jingshi to the Hanshi. I knew Wangji was going to be angry but like I said, I don't think he understands just how much Wei Wuxian needs him and his support. If Wangji is distancing himself, it is only making things worse on Wei Wuxian.