Beyond Control

Chapter 35

~*Wei Wuxian's POV*~

When Xichen-Ge mentioned setting up a proposal for Lan Zhan and me, a wave of emotions washed through me. I was in love with Lan Zhan, and I know that he loves me, but with everything that I have done in the past and all that I have been through, would I really be worth it to him? I sat that there on my bed after I meditated for that evening. I don't know how to process it.

Jiang Cheng would never accept it and even if Shijie talked him into letting me go, Jiang Cheng would hate me for breaking a promise. I'd be his subordinate like my father was for his father. The twin prides of Yunmeng. Despite some of my ribs still broken and a few other bones have yet to heal, I found myself balling up. In the end, I feel like I will hurt people, and myself was included. I didn't want to create conflict.

***

~*Lan Xichen's POV*~

I thought the talk with A'Xian went well. He agreed to discuss the proposal to Wangji and then if he agreed, I would send a letter to Yunmeng. I had just finished my errands for today, and read through letters and proposals and so on. I was relieved to finally be done. I was about to go meditate for a bit in my own room went I felt a chill run through me. It was as if I felt something was wrong.

I stood closer to A'Xian's room, and that chill became cooler. I stepped inside to see that he was hugging his knees close to his chest and staring off into space. I saw tears slowly fall from his eyes.

'Well, my assumption of A'Xian being okay and doing better, seems to be a bit wrong,' I thought.

I sighed and moved to him, sitting beside him on the bed, "A'Xian?"

He looked at me, "huh?" He asked. He seemed to come back to reality.

"What is wrong?" I asked.

He shook his head, "just my head getting to me," he said.

"Want to talk about it?" I asked.

"I know that...Lan Zhan and I love each other...but there is still that piece of me that feels...the I'm not good enough for him," he said, "it's also because I feel this way, I am not sure Jiang Cheng will be happy about it...I'd be breaking a promise I made to him a long time ago."

"What promise?" I asked. I decided to wait to speak my thoughts. I wanted to know what was going on in his head right now.

"I said I was be his subordinate. It would be how my father was for his father. He gets angry at me whenever he feels I forget that I said that to him or I neglect the promise," he said.

"He has grown to be too dependent on you," I told him, "he is a sect leader and he has so many other disciples around to aid him, not just you. And he and Jiang Yanli claim you to be their sworn sibling. Jiang Yanli has been fighting to make sure that you are not having to help Jiang Wanyin. She knows that Jiang Wanyin needs to learn to do things without you."

A'Xian huffed out a chuckle, "good luck," he said, "I'm more worried about conflict between the two sects as well. It seems no matter what I'm going to anger someone...and I don't like creating conflict. I've almost always been at the center of conflict growing up in Lotus Pier. Madam Yu and Uncle Jiang would always argue and I was usually the main topic of those arguments."

"You have had to deal with a lot growing up," I told him, "if it's conflict that Jiang Wanyin wants, we will deal with it. We want you to be safe, welcome, happy, and comfortable here. You know that."

He nodded.

"Now," I said and pinned him down on the bed under me, "you are worth it for my brother."

"Was pinning me down like this necessary?" He asked, "I just said I felt that way."

"That's it," I said and squeeze his side.

"Ah! Xichen-Ge!" He panicked and started laughing.

"I'll stop tickling you if you stop saying and thinking that way. Tell me you are worth it," I demanded.

"But-"

I tickled him more making him squirm, "say it!" I told him.

"Okay, okay!" He said, "I am...worth it..."

"Good," I said and got off him.

A'Xian sat up after gaining his composure and catching his breath, "I didn't think you'd be so daring. How did you know I was ticklish?"

"It was a guess," I told him, "I figured if Wangji was ticklish, you'd be the same," I realized I just gave him a secret I only knew, "don't you dare, tell him I told you."

"It would be difficult to say that if I tickled him," he said, "although, I could say I figured it out on my own."

"Are you going to bargain with me?" I asked.

"I won't tell him, if you teach me the silence spell," he bribed.

"I could punish you for bribery," I told him.

"Would you though? If Lan Zhan asks why I'm being punished, he'd know you told me his secret of being ticklish," he threatened.

I sighed and hung my head back, "I got myself into this mess," I said and then looked at him, "as long as you don't abuse the spell."

"I won't," he said, "I'd probably use it on Jiang Cheng if he gets annoyed at me."

I chuckled, "okay, I can see you doing that. Wangji would probably teach you at some point anyway or you'd figure out how to do it on your own."

"I would," he said, "is it a deal."

I sighed, "don't tell him I told you."

"About the spell or the tickling?" He asked.

"Tickling," I told him.

"Okay, you have my word," he said holding up three fingers.

What did I just do?