Beyond Control

Chapter 50

I checked father's old place first but he wasn't there. I then checked the place our mother stayed. When I got there, Wangji was there beside the door, hugging his knees and crying. I sighed, but I can understand why he is upset.

"Wangji, can we talk? Please?" I asked as I slowly approached him.

"Go to your Wei Ying," he snapped.

I huffed, "A'Xian is yours, Wangji I hope you know that," I told him, "you have to understand you both are still learning to understand and get comfortable with each other."

"He couldn't even focus on me, I tried several times to get him to listen, but you showed up and he listened to you," he said, "I might as well disappear! I am not worthy of love anyway."

I sat down on the steps just a few paces away from him, "Wangji, Wei Wuxian loves you very much. You both confessed that and made it very clear. Sometimes, it takes more than one person to calm another down. You two have yet to communicate better. If you think you don't deserve love, then you are so mistaken. I love you, Didi. I will always Love you. I would never, step in between what you two have. Plus...I am finally coming to terms with me liking Wen Qing."

"You confessed to her?" He asked shocked.

"Sort of. We were to go out to town tomorrow and have you and A'Xian hang out with Wen Ning and A'Yuan. A'Yuan and A'Xian have yet to meet," I explained.

"Were?" He asked.

"After you left, A'Xian collapsed. Blood came out of his mouth and his nose. He collapsed from being heartbroken for hurting you," I told him, "Wen Qing and I will probably have to put a rain check in that date."

"Wei Ying is hurt? And it's my fault?" He asked.

"It's okay, Wangji. He will recover, but he needs you. He doesn't mean to not listen to you. Sometimes it just becomes too much for him and he crashes. I figured out how to get past that. You have to know that A'Xian has been abandoned so many times. You walking away from him like that hurt him a lot. He begged you not to leave. He apologized to you. How much more do you want the man to feel guilty?" I asked.

"The more closed up he gets the more he hides away. If you don't notice that, he has a habit of shutting down. He has a habit of self-Harm, suicidal thoughts, and feelings of worthlessness, guilt and abandonment. He is good at hiding that away. Until he can't handle it. Wangji, when I first met up with him in Yunmeng before bringing him here, he was already contemplating his death.

"He begged me not to tell you anything so you wouldn't worry. He even told me that the cleansing music wouldn't work on him. He pushes people away when he is close to breaking. He is now unconscious because he feels like he failed you."

He shook his head, "I'm sorry, Huan-Ge. I don't want to hurt him. I just got mad that I couldn't help him like you could."

"I understand, and it can be frustrating, but that is why you need to take the lead and speak to him. Tell him you are there to listen. He needs to hear you say it. He needs confirmation that he can open up to you. He would not talk otherwise," I told him.

"Where is he? I want to see him," he told me.

"He is at Wen Qing and Wen Ning's. She can keep watch on him if things go south," I explained.

***

~*Lan Wangji's POV*~

Why?

Why did I do that to him?

I walked away, and told him to get lost. I told him I wasn't interested. I broke his heart, and I told myself I would never do such a thing. I even told him I wouldn't. I had failed him, and now I have to suffer the consequences. I have to fix this.

When Huan-Ge told me that Wei Ying was unconscious, I panicked in the inside. I didn't want to hurt him. I just got jealous of the close bond between Huan-Ge and Wei Ying.

How can Wei Ying listen to me if he doesn't know if I would do that for him in return?

He can I expect him to be more open with me when I haven't been vocal about it?

I followed Huan-Ge to Wen Qing's place. She let me have some time alone with Wei Ying. I sat down in the bed beside him and took his hand.

"I'm so sorry," I said softly.

To help him, I sent spiritual energy through my hand to his. I then started to hum the song I sang to him in the cave. After a few minutes, he slowly started to come to. I continued to him for him but stopped sending him energy. I didn't let go of his hand.

"Lan Zhan?" He whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Shh," I said leaning down and placed my forehead to his, "I am the one who should apologize to you. I broke your heart and I am so sorry. I promise, I will never do that to you again. I never meant to hurt you. I was just...jealous of how close you are with my brother. I want you to know, you can come to me, for anything. Talk to me, cry on my shoulder, and snuggle up to me whenever you need me. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

"Lan Zhan, I love you more than anything," he said, "please don't leave me...I'm tired of people leaving me."

"Never," I told him and placed my lips to his.

As our lips were together, I could feel warmth building up in my chest. It was slightly different then anything I've felt before. I opened my eyes for a moment, and realized we were passing energy through each other...through kissing. We were glowing a light blue. I closed my eyes again and deepened the kiss. Having his bottom lip in my mouth, sucking gently on it before I felt him brush his tongue against my upper lip. That was when I got him to open his mouth and out tongues met.

The energy was still running through us. It was like I could feel my golden core get stronger but I could tell I was healing him in the process. What is this about? He wrapped his arms around my neck. I let go of his hand and placed my hand on the other side of him, to keep myself from falling on him. Finally, when I felt the energy cool down, I pulled away.

"How...are you...feeling?" I asked panting.

"Better," he answered, "you felt that too, didn't you?"

"I did, it was like we were sharing energy," I said to him, "my core feels stronger."

"I feel refreshed and healed...and my core still feels the same...did I just help you advance?" He asked letting me go.

I sat up and he followed, "library?" I asked.

"Mnn," he nodded, "I am hungry though."

I smirked, "let's get you fed first."

"I can tell you what was going through my mind after we eat...that made the fire happen," he said.

"Perhaps, we can excuse the no talking while dining rule today, and we can talk as we eat," I suggested.

"Hanguang Jun? Breaking a rule?" He asked playfully, "scandalous."

I chuckled, "can you stand?"

I stood up and helped him if he needed it. We asked Brother and Wen Qing if they wanted to join us. They agreed, as they also wanted to know what happened.