Chasing Chances.

C84: Shattered Heart

Writinginnosense © Stories

-

CHAPTER 84

"Shattered Heart"

KATH'S POV

The alumni seemed to move on from happened earlier. Napatingin ako sa salamin. Ullysis' question still haunt me. Kilala ko pa ba ang sarili ko?

Sometimes I wonder kung ako ba talaga yung may gawa nung nga bagay na iyon, ni hindi ko inaasahan na aabot ako sa ganoong extent. Minsan, pagtapos ko ng gawin, I really feel aweful.

Gaya nung kay Van, paano kong naatim na pagbayarin siya ng gano'n? I know I am hurt but do I have the right to hurt people? Am I given the license to do that? Yung nangyari kay Van sa underground parking ng mall, ako ang may pakana no'n. Hindi ko magawang lingunin siya nung nangyayari iyon, I didn't know where do I get the courage na lumapit and talk to him. I know it sounded hypocrite pero ako rin ang tumawag sa ospital for that. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin niya sinasabi yung nangyari. I know that he knows it, hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi siya nagsasalita. Mas lalo akong nakakaramdam ng guilt dahil doon.

Now that his relationship with Kesha seemed to be getting worse dahil sa akin, bakit hindi ako masaya?

Steffan's business is getting worst as well, it's just a coincidence na naging kaibigan ko yung family ni Rosie when I went to US for the first time, they liked me so much to the point that they'll take my word for it. Am I ready to destroy the Steffan's legacy for revenge? Am I ready for it?

I am mad at Bianca for not standing up for me, but I am actually surprised na alam na ng lahat na pinsan niya ako. I was surprised, akala ko hanggang sa dulo ay ililihim niya iyon. That's the reason why I felt a pang of guilt inside me, lalo na nung ginawa ko yung pagbuhos ng spaghetti sa kanya, I did to her what she did to me, pero Katherine, alam mo ang pakiramdam na gawin sa'yo yun, why did you do that?

Ever since na inisip mo ang sarili mo, your reasons to understand others seemed to fly away.

Napapikit ako, I always saw Maria cry. Alam kong nasasaktan siya because of Xavier but I don't have the guts to come and console her. Hindi ko alam kung kelan nag-umpisa ang inhibitions ko, pero nahihirapan na akong ibalik ang dati.

Sobrang nagalit sa akin si mommy when she learned what I did, sinubukan niya akong komprontahin but I just shut the door in her face. Nung umpisa, my reason is because I am too hurt to understant them. That all this time, I tried to understand them without even receiving anything.

Hindi ako makatulog ng mahimbing tuwing gabi. I was consumed with guilt, the feeling when I was bullied is way better than this. My reasons were gone kapag nakikita ko sila, na masaya, because I used to be that person. What I told Matthew wasn't on my plan, it just happen. The outcome of it is something I don't expect.

Nung sinampal ako ni Bianca kanina, parang nagising ako. Is this worth it? Worth it ba ang lahat ng ginagawa ko? Parang hindi sila naaapektuhan sa mga ginagawa ko. All I want is for them to say sorry, to apologize, repent and everything, but why is it hard for them to realize that?

Parang mas mauuna pa akong humingi ng tawad kesa ang humingi sila ng tawad. Gusto ko ng tapusin ang lahat, but I know that my heart would never feel peace. There's no end in here. Revenge is not a one straight line, it's a cycle.

Kumuha ako ng tissue at pinunasan ang kamay ko. Nag-retouch ako. Buti na lang at walang ibang pumasok sa comfort room. Pagkalabas ko ay hindi ko inaasahang makita si Zoey na nakasandal sa wall malapit sa comfort room.