Spider-Man oneshots

gay

tw: LGBTQ+                                                                                                                                                                                 if you don't like/support LGBTQ+ then sorry but then just skip this one

A/N this includes SpideyPool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spider-Man and Deadpool had a favorite hobby in common: roasting clueless criminals with their unique homosexual humor.

Why? Because Spideypool was real, of course. They were very gay for each other.

"If you move one finger, I won't have mercy, I'll straight up shoot you," Wade started calmly as he saw a mugger try to steal from a teen. The criminal froze and the boy hurried to leave, not before sending a grateful smile to both heroes (one hero and one anti-hero actually, but whatever).

"But DP," Peter started, "you can't do things straight. As a pansexual, you're anything but that."

"Oh, you're right." The mugger seemed to take their discussion as his cue to escape, but he was shot in the leg with webs the second he turned around.

"Told you not to move." He shrugged. "Be glad it was me who reacted and not DP, because his threats are anything but empty." The mugger grumbled, but he was so obviously scared.

"But Spidey!" Deadpool whined, "I wanted to shoot him!"

"Well I'm not reacting fast on purpose! I'm sorry for being bi!" Peter crossed his arms.

"What does that have to do with reacting fast?"

"I'm high on coffee."

"Ok, that's fair," Deadpool agreed, nodding his head.

It seems that the mugger was a slow learner, because he, again, tried to escape while they spoke. This time, Wade shot him in the leg.

The criminal yelled out in pain and shot a glare towards the mercenary. "I won't be stopped by two persons who make themselves be called superheroes while wearing those ridiculous costumes," he said in disgust.

Peter was quick to respond, "Darling, I look gay, not ridiculous, and that's because my suit came out of the closet this morning. It only makes sense." He smiled condescendingly. Wade burst out into laughter.

"Spider-Man is... gay?" The man frown, not in disgust nor malice, just plain confusion.

"Honey," Deadpool started, "we are both superheroes running around in spandex; what did you expect us to be? Straight?"