heart like yours (jennifer jareau)

3. six

TW:
discussion of the events of last chapter
spicy deja vu
discussion of hallucinations

i think this is it, but please let me know if i've missed any :)

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"i died bit by bit without noticing." - bejnamin fondane

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"I'm not crazy," Delilah said.

Of all things to start this conversation with, Delilah felt like that was the first thing she had to say. She had to make sure Liv knew she was perfectly mentally stable right now.

Then again, Delilah didn't think she'd ever really been mentally stable at any given point in her life. She was a walking ball of spicy deja vú and it was catching up to her.

"I know you're not crazy," Liv said.

The two of them sat in the living room of their apartment, all curtains pulled shut and all lights turned on. The TV was on, but muted, and two cups of hot tea sat on the coffee table in front of them.

"Do you want to talk, or do you want me to ask questions?" Liv asked.

"Talk," Delilah said. "Hotch thinks I'm crazy."

"Why does he think you're crazy? You take psych evals like they're M&Ms," Liv said.

"Because I saw black balloons in a tree outside the police department in Oregon, and they were gone when I pulled Hotch out to see them, and he said it was PTSD induced hallucinations over Gideon leaving because Gideon managed my dad's case," Delilah said.

Liv's face went a shade paler, but her expression didn't change.

"Do you believe it was a hallucination?" Liv asked.

"The cameras didn't show the tree. There were no balloons left there, no strings, and I was inside for a minute and a half, so, it would be impossible to get the balloons out and run away in that time. We were alone, and Hotch had Penelope check cameras," Delilah said.

"Were there tracks?" Liv said.

"No," Delilah said. "No footprints in the dirt, nothing."

"Which is why Hotch thinks it's a hallucination," Liv said.

"Yes," Delilah nodded.

"You saw balloons on that case at that old guy's house in the woods," Liv said.

"That definitely was a hallucination," Delilah said. "I think. I don't know."

"Do you think this was?" Liv asked.

"Hotch does," Delilah muttered.

"That's not what I asked. What do you think? Was it a hallucination? Or was he there?" Liv asked.

Delilah stared at her sister, bottom lip trembling as her eyes filled with tears.

"It felt so real," Delilah whispered. "I freaked when I saw them, Liv, and had a panic attack in the bathroom. I didn't do that on the other case. This time, it feels real. But there's no evidence, and there's no way he could know I would be in Oregon unless he's somehow managed to find me, which is almost impossible because our faces are nowhere on the internet."

Liv nodded, reaching out and taking Delilah's hand in her own. She turned it palm up, then traced her fingers along the skin softly to keep Delilah calm and on the surface of her pain so she didn't become inconsolable and unable to finish their conversation before they had a plan of action.