heart like yours (jennifer jareau)

3. two

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"are we what we do with time, or are we what time does with us?" - mahmoud darwish

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Delilah sat beside Liv on the plane to Las Vegas, fiddling with her rings as she stared out of the window at the rising morning sun. Liv was twisting the ends of her hair into little braids, one headphone in as she listened to a medical talk she'd downloaded to distract her for the flight.

"Are you scared?" Delilah asked.

"Terrified. You?" Liv asked, tugging her headphone out to pay attention to Delilah.

"Shitting bricks," Delilah said. "I have a weird feeling, Liv."

"Weird how?" Liv squinted. "Weird, like, we're about to stare our dead brother's mini me in the face and potentially invite him to live with us? Or weird, like, your profiler senses are ringing?" she whispered.

"First one," Delilah whispered.

"It'll be okay," Liv said, squeezing Delilah's hand. "I'm scared, too."

"That doesn't make me feel any better," Delilah sighed, squeezing Liv's hand. "Can I ask you something?"

"Always," Liv said.

"Did you ever, like... Process what happened to you?" Delilah whispered.

"What happened to me?" Liv blinked. "Did I forget-"

"No," Delilah said, shaking her head. "I mean... Did you ever process your childhood? Your teenage years? Your trauma?"

"I mean," Liv said. "Yeah. Time heals all wounds."

"That's bullshit," Delilah sighed. "It doesn't matter."

"You sure?" Liv raised an eyebrow. "Something bothering you?"

"Spencer and I were talking before," Delilah said, "And he asked if you'd ever processed your childhood. And I was thinking, and I don't remember you ever putting yourself and your problems first. It's always been me who comes first," Delilah said.

Liv laughed, rolling her eyes as she nudged Delilah in the side.

"It's my job to put you first, shithead," Liv said.

Delilah sighed and shook her head.

She wasn't getting it, and Delilah didn't want to outright have this conversation on a plane when neither of them had slept, judging by the bags under Liv's eyes. And, normally, Delilah would talk to Liv about pretty much anything.

She just couldn't today.

"Look," Liv said quietly, squeezing her hand again. "You don't have to feel guilty about me putting you first. I chose that when I chose to step up for you, yeah? And I did that because, as your big sister, you're my responsibility. No matter how old you get, you are always going to be my baby sister, and I am always going to put you first."

Delilah traced her thumb over Liv's hand for a few minutes.

"That was when I was sick," Delilah said.

"Sick?" Liv raised an eyebrow. "You were traumatised, Lilah. Nobody is blaming you for that."

"I know they're not blaming me," Delilah said quietly. "I mean, that was when everything was bad. Now I'm okay. It's been fifteen years since you took me in. You can focus on yourself, now. Don't you want a life that doesn't revolve around me, anymore?"