heart like yours (jennifer jareau)

3. seven

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"and the world has become merely an unknown landscape where my heart can lean on nothing." - albert camus 

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If Delilah ever saw black balloons again, she didn't think she'd tell anybody. She'd almost forgotten how much she hated being the hazard of the family.

It had taken Delilah literally threatening to run away again to stop Dave from catching a flight down to Virginia right now to make sure she was okay. It had taken Liv thirty seven and a half minutes to talk him down from then driving to Virginia, instead agreeing to meet in Nevada next weekend, like they'd wanted.

And, yes, while Dave believing them about the balloons lifted a bit of stress off Delilah's shoulders, she couldn't do anything about this situation but wait and see if she did have another not-hallucination hallucination.

So, she just had to wait, and it was difficult to wait when she was almost as impatient as Liv. Though, this was what Elliot did. He dragged out the mental torture, and the physical torture, for months before killing his victims.

If he was back, if Delilah was going to be his next and maybe final victim, then he would take the longest with her and savour it. If he wasn't back, then Delilah considered taking a nice vacation to the land of hospital jello and grippy socks and those bedsheets you couldn't hang yourself with.

But she didn't know, and she wouldn't for a while. All she could do was wait, and be miserable, and mope, and work now she was cleared again.

She'd passed the psych eval Hotch gave her, after Vince joined them via call to give his approval after Delilah followed his rules, and though she knew she would be doing little of the physical side of things, she was happy to be going back.

As bad as things could get, Delilah could always find a distraction with her friends.

She knew that was why they were letting her come back in the first place. Vince and Hotch were well aware that making Delilah stay home would only drive a wedge between her and them. She would lose trust in them if she knew they thought she was crazy, and would shut down, run away again, even if she said she wouldn't do that. If she was in work, if she was under Hotch's eye almost 24/7, she was safe and would feel like they trusted her enough in her own judgement calls to come to them in the future for anything.

Basically, they were throwing water on a bridge in the hopes that any fires Delilah would start couldn't burn everything to the ground. Prevention was better than cure, or whatever. 

Delilah knew plain and simple that she should not be in work. She should be in a psych ward, or in hiding. They all knew that. But, for the same reason given for why she was in work, she wasn't in one. They needed to keep Delilah close so they could get ahead of anything.

It was why she was on strictly desk duty, though she was still allowed to travel with the team. She would help them figure out the profile, but would not leave the police station for a crime scene or a raid. She would stay safe, indoors and out of sight, and Hotch would watch her like a hawk at all times.

Delilah wished she'd kept her mouth shut. She hated that she knew the game they were playing with her to keep her from running away, and she hated that their tricks worked.

"Queen Lilah!"

Delilah grinned as she walked into the BAU bullpen, spotting Penelope waiting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee, Emily and JJ stood with her.

"I've been waiting for you! Made it just how you like it," Penelope said, holding out the cup.

"Well, aren't I lucky?" Delilah laughed, walking over and taking the cup from Penelope. "Thanks, dude."