Secrets - The secrets that protect us

Chapter 62

Luna

She couldn't sleep.
Her mind was keeping her awake.
So many thoughts and pictures circled in her head, and no matter how hard she tried to push them to the back of her mind, to the furthest place, they fought their way to the front.

It was still hard to believe what had happened tonight.
She had a panic attack. All these weeks she had been fine with fighting, not once flinched when Caleb shot magic her way, not even thought about it when she fought against Sam and Tresha or when she fought against Malcolm, twice.

It had been so easy to focus on the fight, to protect her friends, herself too.
So, why did she have a full on panic attack when that man slapped her? Why had she reacted so hard to it when she had been in similar situations where it had been worse?

Was it because he was accusing her and she was innocent? Because she didn't know what to do when he was unleashing his wrath on her? Was it because it was too similar to the vision? Because it was closer to domestic violence?

She hadn't even seen it coming.
Reyna and her had worked at Sweet Café since their high school years and she had dealt with an angry customer before, but it was different this time. He had not even wanted to acknowledge what she wanted to say. He hadn't want to accept that she was right. Hadn't even thought about coordinating it with his wife.

A sudden coldness wrapped around her entire body. She felt like free falling into nothing without a parachute. She was going to hurt she was going to plunge into that nothingness and feel so helpless again. She couldn't do anything to free herself from it. She felt paralyzed, couldn't move her body, her fingers.

The blackness formed to colors and shapes and she was back in the dining room of Lucas' first home. She was on the ground, her body ached, she heard herself groan in pain. Her voice died when a foot connected with her stomach, pushing her over the ground. Before she could get up, the same foot connected with her back.

She crashed into the table and when she did get up this time, she could see her reflection in the windows. Luna stared at it with wide eyes and mouth slightly open, her breathing a little quicker. It wasn't the face or body of Malaya Davis that was staring back at her, no, it was her own. Mr. Carter gripped her by the collar and picked her up from the ground.

She was pulled back into the blackness.
Cold. She was cold. And unsafe. She felt so alone, so powerless.

Luna opened her eyes. She saw Lucas' naked skin, felt it under her fingers too. His arms were protectively wrapped around her body. His hand on her hip, the other still stroking her back. The blanket lay at her hip, over his hand, but she wasn't cold. She was warm, his body heat warming her. She felt safe too, at least from the world.

They knew about the vision now and she knew that she had to talk now. They would force her to talk about it, face it. But how was she supposed to do that?
She couldn't put in words what she was feeling, why it was affecting her. Why her mind was obsessing over this vision. How was she supposed to explain?

How was she supposed to hurt Lucas? She knew it would hurt him.
Lucas hadn't asked, but the question would still come. Why hadn't she told him?
Talking about it, saying it out loud made it feel so much realer. Scared her so much more. She wasn't ready to do it yet.

But she knew she had to.
She couldn't push it away forever. At some point, it would only consume her and that's not something she wanted to happen to her. So fighting was the answer. How much more could she fight? It was all so much. And she was so tired.

"Lucas?" she whispered. His embrace tightened, he was awake. "I can't sleep."
"Why is that, sweetheart?" He brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and kissed the top of her head lovingly.
"I don't feel safe." She sounded so broken, so weak. A tear rolled over her cheeks, landing on his chest.