|Sparks Fly| A Hawk/Sam Fanfiction

Chapter 83: Denial & Doubt

*Eli's P.O.V*

Perhaps I shouldn't have said that to Moon. I shouldn't even brought it up because the look on her face says everything. The look of confusion, weirded out, and downright not impressed.

Could I be more weird around girls that I've dated? I was awkward around Sam at the water park and now I'm making a fool of myself at Moon's house.

"This isn't you talking, Eli." Moon said, softly.

I sighed while I waved my hands to the side, "Perhaps I don't even know what I'm thinking about nowadays."

I watched as Moon tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before she said, "Come on inside. We should have a conversation."

I nervously walked into her house and then we went into the living room. We sat beside each other on the couch but we made sure to put some distance so that we're comfortable.

We're friends, we made amends. It doesn't need to be awkward.

"I don't think you actually want to try something with me.." she said, "I think you're trying to deny your feelings for Sam."

The way that Moon said her name, it was so soft. So soft and pure that it felt like an angel saying it. But then there's another voice that's saying Sam's name and it sounds like the devil.

I get annoyed sometimes whenever I hear Sam's name. I want her out of my damn head.

I stared at Moon. "What feelings?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"I'm afraid I don't." I said, trying to get rid of the unsettling feelings. "I don't know if I can deal with Sam anymore. She's too confusing. She quite frankly doesn't know what she wants. I know what she tells me but then I see her with Miguel. And then they share a kiss. What am I supposed to think?"

"Talk to her about it." Moon said.

"I'm through with talking."

"You're shutting her out."

"Well, she did it first. It's not really my problem."

"She wanted to talk to you." I heard Moon say.

"And I wanted to talk to her too.." I sighed, "I was ready to talk to her. I was ready for us to work things out and maybe get back on track. But then I see her share a kiss with Miguel. Sam and I can't talk. We won't talk."

I have a feeling that Moon is having a hard time getting through to me about this situation involving Sam. But I don't understand how people can just expect me to talk to Sam and then everything will be alright again.

People can't just expect me to forget about the hurt and pain that Sam caused me. I feel it all the time so I can't forget it. It's stuck in my brain.

I can try to move forward but it'll still be hard.

"Are you giving up on her?" Moon then asked, "Because I know for sure that she won't give up on you."

"It seems like she already has."

"But you can't."

"And who's going to tell me that I can't?" I asked, "I appreciate the words you're telling me Moon but I can't keep fighting for her if she's not willing to fight for me. She hasn't shown it lately. She makes one mistake and all she does is make that guilt face that she gives everyone."

"She told me that she had tried to call you." Moon explained, trying to reason with me more.

"So that she can say sorry and that I'm the only person she wants to be with? I know she's sorry. I've seen her text messages. I don't need her telling me in different ways."