Designed Deception

Chapter 15- Burdens We Share

WARNINGS: Suicidal Ideations; Survivor's Guilt

Later that night, Will grunted and blindly grabbed his ringing cellphone.

"Hello," Will mumbled.

"Will, it's Sam. Can we... Can we talk," Sam asked.

"Where are you," Will asked, sitting up.

"Still on our way back. I just... I need a moment," Sam said, "With someone that understands."

"Where's Dean?"

"Asleep. It was late and we were both pretty exhausted," Sam said, glancing at him sleeping in the car.

"Okay. Talk to me."

Sam explained what happened to Ava and her fiancé. Will listened quietly as he spoke.

"You're worried she was taken," Will asked.

"Well yeah, but it's more than that, y'know," Sam said, "If I was stronger, I could've saved her. She helped me and I couldn't even be there for her."

"Sam, you can't put that on yourself," Will reasoned, getting up to make a cup of coffee.

"Can't I? I should've been there or, I don't know, found a way," Sam said.

"You have limits," Will said.

"You probably would've had a better chance at saving her. At least you have control over your abilities," Sam said.

"Not full control," Will said, "I still have limits too. I can see past murders and relive the events through the killer's eyes, but it affects me."

"How do you handle failing to save someone," Sam asked.

"To be honest, I'm still learning how to deal with it," Will sighed, "The guilt haunts me for a long time."

"Can I be honest," Sam asked.

"Of course, you can," Will said.

"Sometimes, I hope that the next hunt will kill me. That way, I won't have to feel guilty anymore," Sam said.

"You blame yourself for mom's death, don't you," Will asked.

"It's more than just mom. People I love keep getting hurt because of me," Sam said softly, "Hell, you jumped in front of a gun to protect me."

"I can't take away that guilt you carry on your shoulders," Will said, "But, Sam, you don't have to carry it alone. Let me help you."

Sam licked his lips anxiously and dropped his gaze to the dirt.

"I don't want to overwhelm you," Sam said, his breath starting to shake, "Half the time, I feel like I'm already overwhelming Dean."

"Sam, we're your brothers. We don't accept the job of looking after you because of Dad. We do it because we care about you," Will reasoned, "Your problems are our problems and vice versa."

"What if the demon blood turns me into a monster," Sam asked, blinking back tears, allowing part of his load to be given to Will.

"Well then, we'll both be monsters, won't we," Will asked, "Whether that happens or not, we're in this together. We didn't give up on Dean. And we won't give up on you."

Sam sniffled over the phone, revealing he was crying.

"Sam? Are you okay," Will asked softly.

"I'm tired, Will," Sam said, his lips trembling as tears streamed down his face, "I'm so tired."

"I know, I'm sorry," Will said, feeling his heart break, "You shouldn't have to go through this."

Will listened to him cry until he calmed down.

"I don't mean to cry on you like a baby," Sam chuckled.

"Don't ever apologize for showing emotions around me, Sam," Will reassured.

"Hey, uh, can we keep this conversation between us," Sam asked, cleaning his face, "I don't want to give Dean another thing to worry about."

"Your secret is safe with me," Will said, "Try to get some rest, okay? I'll see you when you get back."

"Thanks for your help, Will," Sam said.

"Anytime," Will smiled, dropping the call.

Will returned back to his room and climbed back into bed. His eyes swelled up with tears as he empathized with Sam's burden. After a minute, he was fast asleep.

It didn't seem to be long when his cellphone rang again. Grumbling bitterly under his breath, he slammed his hand on the phone and answered it.

"Hello," Will sighed.

"Will, is Sam with you," Dean asked, panic in his voice.

"No. Why," Will asked, his exhaustion leaving him.

"He's gone, man. I woke up and he was gone," Dean said, on the verge of having a panic attack.

"Breathe, Dean. Tell me where you are," Will said, pulling back the blanket.

Dean told him where he was.

"He's probably visiting a family friend. Have you tried calling Ellen? Maybe he went there," Will suggested.

"She hasn't seen him," Dean said, "I'm freaking out! He's not picking up his phone!"

"Try his cell one more time. I'm on my way now," Will said, hanging up to get dressed.

"What's wrong," Adam asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with a yawn.

"Get dressed. Sam is missing."