𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐂𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐄 ❖ MY HERO ACADEMIA

chapter 28 - a good person

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Endeavour arrived at the hospital 20 minutes later.
He was marching through the halls so loudly that Komi could hear him coming two floors down. So, when he burst through the air and came flying into the room, Komi didn't flinch. She was sitting on a light blue chair next to Shoto with his bag and her bag against the bed.

Endeavour stopped. And he stared at his son.

"Wha- Why are you here?" Shoto asked, looking his father up and down.

Shoto was awake now, at least. There was a bandage over his head and an IV to monitor him, but other than that, he looked chipper.
"Kuyami called me." Endeavour answered.

Shoto turned his head towards Komi, his eyes already blaming her. "Why?"
Shoto never liked his father. And Shoto didn't care if his father knew or didn't.

Komi frowned. She frowned more multiple  reasons. For Shoto, for Endeavour. For the blame she could see in his eyes for the blank and uncaring stare Endeavour was now giving her. For the thought of Shoto's belt. For the Nomu, for the letters, for the whole 'do i look like a bug?' thing.

She frowned for it all, but deep down, she knew she was frowning for a selfish desire. Yes, Enji was a bad father and Komi saw that as clear as she saw the day. But he was Shoto's father. He was in Tokyo and got all the way into Mufusta for Shoto. He stormed through the hospital and he worried for Shoto.

"He's still your father, Shoto." Komi was getting tired.

She was tired of a lot of things. She was tired of pretending that every day was sunny when she woke up, despite that sun hadn't even risen yet. She was tired of the endless cycle of repeat that she -for some reason- couldn't change despite her efforts. She was tired of pretending not to see the knives that hung on the rack in the kitchen. She was tired of pretending not to see the open window of her room that lead to the outside world. She was tired of pretending not to see, or not to say, or not doing anything.

Komi was so tired.
Her body burned with the shame of not belonging. 

Not in the Todoroki house, not at UA, not with any part of society. All Komi ever wanted was to just know what to do, but instead she looked in the mirror alone and wondered just how different a person could get. She was homesick. Homesick for arms that would never hug her. Homesick for a person to turn to that was never there. Komi was Homesick for a home, because she grew up in nothing but a house.

In honest truth, Komi was scared of the change just as much as she was scared that'd she'd stay the same forever. She was terrorified of staying the same, but every time she tried to change, shit decided to jump. It only fell down, and the bottom was only getting deeper.

Komi was getting tired.
And Komi was getting angry too.

She had been angry before, yelling and shouting. That was the depths of her anger. But it was growing deeper, mixing into the roots of her blood and the roots of her hair. Hair that had been cut without her wanting. The anger was in her fangs that she was raised to hide from the world. The anger was in her hands and legs, in her soul and her devotion that slowly turning violent.

All that she had done meant jack all. It meant nothing. People were still the same. Daily routines did not differ. Thoughts did not change. It was just suppressed. Because, very early in her life, it was too late.

When her villain of a mother did not even want her. When orphan children would shriek and cower in fear when she entered the room. When she was wanted for her quirk, wanted for her strength. When it took months before Fuyumi and Natsuo could look at Komi without being afraid. When everything fell apart after Touya died. When Endeavour got more angry. When Rei was admitted to hospital.

When she tried and nothing wanted to help her. Komi had been alone this world, and she was always going to be alone. Maybe that was her curse. Maybe she was doomed to be alone. Maybe she was better off....

No.

No...

That night, Komi had a dream. It was a sweet dream at first. There was a woman Komi was following around. It was like she was looking into the life of a random person, watching her wake up and start her day with two coffees. 
Komi remembered watching the woman buy pretty flowers for herself at the flower shop. She remembered watching her go into a fancy shop and buying a flattering dress.

When the sun started to set, the woman wore the dress and met up with a man. The man didn't matter, because Komi could tell this woman was already happy. This woman was living the time of her life despite the two fangs on her mouth.

This woman was not Komi. But she had fangs, a great big green eyes that were just like Komi's. This woman had jet black hair the shined in the light and fine spider silk that came from the tips of her fingers like Komi's webs came from her wrist. This woman was tall -like Komi.

Komi knew this woman. But Komi didn't know the woman.

The woman Komi saw in her dream, she later realised was her mother.
Komi dreamt about her mother with what may be the love of her life, with no children. And although it was the only time Komi has ever seen her, Komi knew that it was the happiest.

In another life, maybe Komi's mother could be happy. Maybe her mother was living a beautiful life and that was okay. Her mother was drinking champange with a mans she loved and nothing bad had ever happened.

But that wasn't the world Komi lived in. There was bad in Komi's world. It happened everyday, every hour of every minute within every second. Komi couldn't be there to save it all.

But all her devotion was turning in violence.
Komi had been giving her all and was just being shut down after every try. Every yell was met with silence, every shout was meant with stiff air.

Komi had not yet tried violence. 
Komi was a good person, right? She at least thought she was a good person. She'd never hit someone out of hate, out of wanting to just hit a person -That wasn't Komi...

...But.