Bed of Nails

Chapter 98

One can only pray. 

The drive back to my dad's house was filled with Sabrina's never-ending stories. She had made a whole list of activities we were going to do during my stay there. She has already preplanned. Looking at her smiling face and the excitement in those innocent green orbs brought a smile to my face. For a few minutes, I forget about my sorrows and all my worries. I wanted to be as excited as her. I wanted to feel that joy—the rush of happiness—only if it was for a few minutes. I happily agreed to all the plans she had made for our girls night out. I know I missed out on a lot of childhood. She always craved sibling love, but I stayed away because of the indifference between my father and me. I was so busy blaming him that I ended up doing something unfair to this little angel. Even if it's for only a few days, I want to spend my lost time with her and correct my past mistakes. When we reached our house, the butler, Mister Alfred, was waiting at the door to greet me. He smiled, looking at me, but his eyes were concerned after looking at my frame. I have lost so much weight in the past year, and he mentioned that last time too, when I was here. He knew how much I loved eating and my struggle with losing weight. 

“Good to see you, Alfred,” I said with a smile on my face. 

"Likewise, my little lady,” he said with a warm smile on his lips. 

"Alfred, you can now stop calling me that. I'm not a little lady anymore. I'm a grown woman now,” I said with a small chuckle. It always sounded funny when he called me Little Lady. 

“But you will always be the little lady of this mansion, even if you become eighty,” he chuckled, and his wrinkled face lifted up to give me a smile. He has aged a lot this year. It feels like time has flown away with a blink of my eyes. 

"Alfred, take her inside, or else you are planning to talk with her at the door,” Lilly said in amusement when she noticed us still standing at the door. He took my bag, even though I protested. 

"Grace, why don't you take a rest for some time in your room before Sabrina appears and exhausts all your energy?” Lily said, making me chuckle. Sabrina had run to her room to make some arrangements. I decided to take her advice. It felt weird to climb up these familiar stairs after so many ears. Passing through this family corridor made my stomach scrunch with those unknown emotions. I opened my room door to find it was the same as the day I left it. Even my soft toys were in the same post as when I left. A wave of nostalgia hit me. I didn't expect to find this room to be the same. I took a deep breath and walked inside. Alfred had kept my bag on my bed. I walked to my nightstand beside the bed. I had only one picture with my father. There was only one picture in which he was smiling with me at the camera. I used to adore it so much, but I left it here on the day I left his house. Alfred walked out of my bathroom, making me keep the picture. 

“I have kept new towels and bathrobes in the cabinets,” he informed me, and I nodded my head while still moving my eyes all over my room. 

“Nothing has changed here,” I whispered while looking at the room. Even the paint on the wall was the same. The whole house was renovated with interiors and everything except my room. 

“Sir didn't want anything to be changed here. So when you return one day, you find everything like you left,” Alfred told me, making me surprised. I turned my head and looked at him. 

“He told you that,” I asked, still not believing his words. It was hard to believe because the person he was talking about was my father, and I know how stone-hearted my father is. 

"No, but his actions told it every time,” he said with a small smile at the corner of his lips. My surprise vanished and was replaced with hurt and years of pain. I was stupid to expect something even now. 

“Stop being delusional, Alfred. You don't need to use good words for my father. I know how he is,” I said with a pained smile on my face. I took a deep breath to get control over my unwavering emotions. 

“I don't need to. I said what I felt, and I'm old enough to read what goes on in a person's head. I have seen your father come to this room many times. Especially on your birthday—not the fake one, but the date you were born. These old eyes of mine have seen him spending most of his time in this room instead of his study when he missed you,” Alfred told me with that warm smile still on his face. I know he was not lying. He was not that kind of person. But my heart refused to accept his claims. My heart refused to accept that my dad missed me. He never in this past year called me on my birthday, not even on my fake birthday, to wish me. How should I believe Alfred? My head started to cloud up with all these unnecessary thoughts. It used to hurt me in the past, but now I have hurried them into my heart. I have accepted that my father doesn't love me. I don't want to open that old wound anymore. I want it to be left as I left it. I took a deep breath. 

“I would like to rest for a few hours,” I told him because I didn't want to talk anymore on that topic. 

“If you need anything, let me know,” Alfred said, not pressing that topic further. He left my room immediately. As soon as the door closed, I took a ragged, deep breath. I sat on the bed and kept taking deep breaths to control my emotions. The information Alfred gave me was too much to take. It's only been twenty minutes that I have been here, and the ride of my emotions on the rollercoaster has already begun. I don't know what will happen in the coming days. I took a deep breath and made a promise to myself. Whatever these coming days hold for me. 

I will be strong and face everything. 

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