He needs time, and I should give him time.
I should wait until he tells me what's bothering him. I don't know what's bothering him. One thing I know is he cares for me and the baby, even if he is still not warming up to the fact of my being pregnant. Now we were both lying in bed cuddling. My stomach was so full, so I was sleeping on my back with my head resting on his bicep and his hand below the swells of my breast. His other hand, beneath my head,, was moving his fingers in my hair. It was making my eyes heavy. A comfortable silence had engulfed us. I couldn’t believe we were fighting cats and dogs an hour ago, and now we're lying in each other's arms. Even the thought of him going away from me was enough to make me panic. I don't know how I managed to put that idea of separation in front of him in my anger. I looked at him from my side-eye. I don't know what he was thinking, but he seemed lost. Lost in his very deep thoughts. I moved my eyes and looked at him. I couldn't see it properly. I was tired of sleeping in the same position, so I tried to turn, but I couldn't.
“I'm so full. I can't even turn,” I complained, and it pulled him out of his thoughts. He exhaled deeply and then moved his hand, which was below my breast, to my stomach and started moving his hand on it. I was still scared that I would end up puking, but that feeling was not coming.
“You need to eat lots. You need to gain lots of weight,” he said while continuously making soothing circles on my stomach as if it would help me with digestion. But it was making me feel good anyway. I turned my head to look at him when he said that.
“I will turn into a big fat pig. If I kept eating like that,” I said with a pout on my lips. He moved his hand from my stomach and cupped my face.
“You will look cute, not a pig,” he said while slightly lifting his head to look at me. He moved his face and then pressed his lips to mine.
“You are saying it now, but once I turn fat, you will start running away from me,” I told him the facts. I have seen it with my own eyes. No one likes fat women. I'm in the fashion industry. I know how much those bony structures are praised even though they are dying inside. I have seen models fainting in the middle of a show because they starve themselves to get that perfect body. All of it to keep themself in the eyes of their admirers. Growing up as a fat girl, I had my share of experiences, too. I have seen how they made fun of me even though I was so smart amongst them.
“You can weigh hundreds of tons, but I will still love you the same,” he said, suddenly pulling me out of my thoughts. My eyes widen when his words sink into my head. He said he would love me the same. He loves me. I blinked my eyes, not able to form a word.
“Anyways, I love chubby Grace more because she didn't like to fight with me. She loved to talk with me more,” he said, and it made me furrow my brows. I turned my body and balanced it on my elbow.
“So you are saying I always fight with you,” I said while looking at him with narrowed brows. He raised his brows, proving his point. I bit on my lower lip, getting caught red-handed. He chuckled, making me pout. I tried to get away, but he put his hand around my waist and pulled me onto his chest. He held me firmly so I couldn't move away from his embrace.
“Tell me why you took medicine with only juice,” he asked me again softly while tucking a stray hair behind my ear. I bit on my lower lip slightly. He knew I was hiding something from him.
“I told you. I end up puking, that's why," I said in a small voice while lowering my eyes. He gently held my chin and made me look at him.
“I want the truth, Doll,” he asked me again in the same soft voice. His hand moved on my back, and he once again started to make soothing circles on my back. As if encouraging me to speak. To tell him the truth. I took a deep breath and looked at him.
“I feel a sharp pain in my stomach when I vomit,” I told him in my small voice. His hand never stopped making soothing circles on my back. His blue eyes kept looking at me. I lower my gaze.
“It hurts so bad that it scares me so much. That pain brings back so many bad memories. I don't want to lose my baby," I said in my trembling voice. At this point, I couldn't hold back anymore. Tears welled up in my eyes even at the mere remembrance of that pain.
“Shhh.” He held me tightly and pressed my face in his warm chest. I let my tears slide from my eyes. I cried while holding him tightly. He didn't ask me to stop crying. He didn't console me. He let me pour my emotions out. He had never stopped making soothing circles on my back. Slowly my loud sobs died down. My eyes were so heavy. His warm embrace and the silence around us made me feel a little bit of peace in my heart. The peace I thought I would never feel again in my life. The peace I could only feel in his arms. It makes me forget all my worries and my fears. I want to stay all my life in his arms.
If possible, forever.
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A/N
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Bed of Nails
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