Bed of Nails

Chapter 174

He didn't want it again. 

The whole room had gone quiet as soon as the doctor announced my test result. His body was still gone, and I could feel the uneasiness his body was feeling as soon as the doctor told us that we were expecting. I could feel it all. He didn't even try to hide it, and that made me feel that familiar pain once again. It felt like I was reliving a part of my past once again. It made it hard for me to breathe properly. I was feeling claustrophobic suddenly. It seemed like everything was about to eat me up if I didn't do something fast. I inhaled the thick air around me with so much difficulty. I brought a big smile to my face when the doctor looked at me with a slightly confused face. 

“Thank you, doctor,” I told her before she could see how unhappy the father of the child was as soon as he came to know about his existence. 

“He is just surprised,” I mumbled under my breath, even though I knew he was more than surprised. She blinked her eyes and then nodded her head in understanding with a smile on her face. 

“I get it. Even my husband had the same reaction when I told him I was pregnant, but once that sank in his head, he was running all over the house like a crazy man with me in his arms. She chuckled, and I forced myself to smile. I will never feel that feeling deep in my heart; I knew that. I looked at him with my side eyes. To find him still sitting there with that expression on his face. He looked so lost and out of reach. I don't know what he was thinking. 

“I'm giving you strong medicine that will help you with the morning sickness, and it stops you from throwing up as soon as you eat,” she said while scribbling something on the paper. 

“I will schedule your sonography. My nurse will inform me a day before we do it, she said while still writing something. She handed me the prescription. Before I could take it, Erick moved his hand and took it for me. 

“Thank you, doctor,” he said in a firm tone. She smiled at him, but he didn't return it. He gave a firm nod to her before standing up. I smiled at her, and I was slightly surprised when he held my hand in a firm hold. We walked out of the doctor's cabin without sharing a happy word. His face remained stoic, making it hard for me to read him. He made me sit in the car, and instead of asking me to fasten my seatbelt, he did it for me. I noticed how his eyes lingered on my stomach for a few seconds before he looked away. He exhaled deeply before walking back to his seat and driving away. There was not even the slightest change in his facial expressions. I kept looking at him the entire ride. He knew I was looking at him, but he didn't dare to break the thick silence between us. He was letting it become thicker and thicker. I didn't even dare to break it. The fear of the unknown is stopping me from doing it. I don't know why it was becoming so difficult for me to read him. He suddenly stopped the car, pulling me out of my thoughts. He got out of it, making me look at him with furrowed brows. I looked out of the window to see a big pharmacy. I took a deep breath, which I couldn't do in his presence. I just didn't know what I should do or how I should react. I just don't know. Everything felt so overwhelming. He bought my medicine and then came back to his seat. This time, I didn't look at him. Instead, I choose to look out of the window. As soon as we reached home, I got out of the car and walked inside the house. Fergus was standing at the door waiting for us to return. 

“Everything ok?” he asked as soon as I walked inside. I took a deep breath and nodded at him even though nothing was ok. 

“You should go and rest," I told him, and he nodded slightly. I walked away when I sensed Erick walking inside. I straight away went to the room. I changed my clothes and slipped inside the comforts. I put my head on both of my hands. I kept waiting for him, but I knew he would not come. Still, my stupid heart was expecting him to walk in through that door. I didn't want to spend a night alone. Suddenly I felt so scared. The tears that I had been holding started to well up before they started to slide from the corner of my eyes. I just don't know what I should do. I wanted to feel happy, not scared. I thought I would never become a mother after my first abortion; that's what the doctor told me. I still remember it so clearly. It was so hard for me to take it. It felt like God was punishing me for a grave mistake. I was just eighteen and all alone. It had shattered me. It took me so long to convince myself that I was enough for myself. I didn't even dream of getting pregnant again, but here I was. Only when I was now getting used to it. I had almost convinced myself. God had once again blessed me. He has given me what I have craved for so long. I should be on top of the world with happiness, but I didn't feel happy. It felt like something once again was shattering inside me. Something once again was shattering me. I survived the last time, but I don't think I will be able to do it again. Because deep down, I was still that eighteen-year-old girl wanting to be comforted. Wanting to be told that everything will be ok. But no one was there to tell me what I wanted to hear. A painful sob left my mouth. Because I can't pretend anymore. 

It hurts. 

It hurts like hell. 

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A/N
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