Things are only becoming difficult for me.
All the thoughts once again started to cloud my head, and this time, I decided to let myself dwell on them for a long time. I need to divert my mind. I can't keep myself stressed like that. I need to be happy, if not for myself, then for my baby. I exhaled deeply and then decided to do some work to cut the time. So I immersed myself in the work. I got so busy that I didn't even realise when it became dark outside. I stopped working when my stomach started to grumble. I had not even eaten my lunch because I was feeling full. The other reason was that I was even scared that I would end up puking if I ate something. It hurts in my stomach if I vomit, and that pain scares me. I had felt the same pain last time before I lost my baby. That pain was still alive in me even after so many years. I can't let that happen again to me. It had left deep scars inside me, and it made me take caution even if it meant I had to eat less.
Enough for both of us to get nutrition. Fergus had tried to make me eat my lunch, but I told him not to disturb me. I lifted my hands in the air and stretched my body. Tension in my muscles was released, and it made me feel better. I moved my body side to side for more stretch. It felt good after I was done. I exhaled deeply before getting up from the floor. I had all my sketchbooks and iPad with pencils and papers scattered on the floor. I decided to gather my mess before going down for dinner. I grabbed my iPad and sketchbooks. I placed them all on the table neatly and then put away all my pencils. I stretched my whole body once I was done. My legs were slightly numb because of sitting in the same position the entire day. My gaze fell on the wall clock. It was past Erick's return time, but he was still not home. Nowadays, he doesn't even come early, and now he has one more reason not to come early. I don't know where things are going anymore. My whole mind is clouded with haze, and that haze is getting thicker with each passing day. I exhaled deeply while resting both my hands on my waist. I grabbed my cell phone and went down. My brows furrowed when I heard Erick's mad voice coming from a distance. He sounded mad.
"What's the matter?" I mutter under my breath while stepping down from the last stair.
"Why didn't you make her eat lunch?" I heard his mad voice, and it made me stop at a distance. I stood behind the wall so he couldn't see me. What's going on? I saw him shouting at Fergus. My brows furrowed because he never talked to me like that.
"She refused to eat," I heard Fergus replying in a small voice. His head was held low with an apologetic look on his face.
"She refused, and you gave up. I had strictly told you to make her eat lunch and then snack in the evening. She even had medicine to take after lunch. Did you make her take them?" he asked in the same mad voice, and my brows furrowed. He is talking about me. I was surprised when I realised it. I don't even know why it took me so long to figure it out.
"I tried to convince her, but she took her medicine with juice. She refused to eat anything even though I insisted," Fergus said with his head held low. On his face there was disappointment. Disappointment of not fulfilling the task given by his master.
"What!" Erick exclaimed in anger while shooting glares at him. The air around them became even more tense.
"With only juice," he said in disbelief while putting both of his hands on his hips and looking up to gather his strength to talk with him. He sounded so mad, and it was seeping out of his body. It was my time to show up because if I didn't, Fergus would be getting even more scolded.
"It was not his fault. I refuse to eat anything, I said in a firm tone while walking towards them. I dismissed Fergus with my eyes, and he walked away with a slight nod. He turned around to look at me. He was angry, and it was written all over his face.
"Why did you refuse? How could you take your medicine with only juice? he asked with a mad look in his eyes. His cold blue eyes moved all over my face. I glared back at him.
"Because I didn't feel like eating anything," I replied in the same tone. My mood changed, and now I was madder than he was.
"Still, you should have tried to eat something. How dangerous it is to take medicine without any food when you are pregnant," he said in the same stern tone, looking straight into my eyes. My nose flared in anger.
"I didn't eat anything because I didn't want to eat up my puking guts out," I said in the same mad tone and turned around to walk away. I don't feel like eating anymore. I didn't even want to see his face anymore. I had taken only two steps away from him when he held my hand and turned me around.
"I'm still talking to you. Don't you dare walk away like that when it's your fault, he said in the same mad tone while looking straight into my mad eyes. Yeah, I know I should not have taken medicine with only juice, but I was scared. How should I tell him what I was feeling? How? When he didn't even want this child. He won't even understand the feeling of losing it because it would be a good ride for him.
"Let me go," I said while shooting glares at him. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I didn't let them fall. I won't let him see my tears.
"No, I will not. This is how you are going to act from now on. This is how carelessly you are going to take care of yourself in my absence, he said with the same mad tone. I don't know what has gotten into him since he learned about my pregnancy. He has been behaving so oppositely and so distinctly. It hurts my heart. Just because he didn't have a good father, he thinks he can be a good father too. I don't know his reason, but it is now getting out of my hands.
I can't live like this.
Not anymore.
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A/N
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Bed of Nails
Roman d'amour"Get out," I said in a firm voice, but it shook a bit at the end. The muscles in his jaw tensed when I said that. Instead of getting out, he closed the door and started taking calculative predatory steps toward me. His eyes moved all over my length...
