lost me (Minho×ot8)

chapter 38

Hyunjin's pov
I  opened my eyes staring around the room,I glanced to my left to see someone I didn't expect to wake up next to...unless not now.
"You are finally awake" his deep morning voice echoed throughout the room, he slowly opened his eyes to stare right into mine.
"Lixie" I almost whispered.
Both of us were losing staring at each other...I miss him so much...it is been so long since I have been this close to him...my first love...my first boyfriend...my first everything...

I have never been fair to him, at first I lied to him then i fell for another person. I know he is not mad anymore about the whole polyamorous relationship thing because after meeting the boys even the ones who were against it changed their mind...I would never do anything to change this...we were meant to be.
"Are you in pain?" Felix said, his small hand moved to caress my cheek...I shook my head leaning into his touch. " great" he added.
" I am sorry" I said biting my lips.
"You said that before..."
"No, I am really sorry...I am sorry for lying to you...I am sorry for leaving...for always messing things up...I know I am at fault...but I love you" I said feeling my eyes getting teary.

"I know you do" he said smiling a little " If I get mad at you for lying then I am a hypocrite...for years I lied to the boys about my father's identity " he added.
"Yeah, the both of us are guilty when it comes to lying" I answered.
"Why did you go to India?" Felix asked tilting his head.
"You know that I am not going to tell you why" I said " why did you ask ?" I added.
"Try my luck" he said getting up.
"Where are you going?" I asked grabbing his hand.
"I promised inie, that I will take him out for a date...we are going together to have breakfast " he said making me nod.

"You went from hating the younger to being madly in love with him...you really love babying him..."
"Correction I have never hated Jeongin, I was just mad that you fell for someone else...it was weird at first...but after getting to know him romantically, I understood you...like who could thought I would be a polyamorous as well" felix said chuckling " do you remember when I asked you to choose between us?" He added.
"I do" I replied gulping.
"I have a confessing to make...I only did it to see if you are serious about him" the younger said.
"Well, since we are confessing our sins" I said chuckling " I knew that you were trying to test me...well I had a guess....that's why I said both " I added making his eyes widen.

"So you played with me..."
"That's a wrong way to say it...but...I..." I paused, he is right...I did" look at the bright side you found out about another side of yourself and got five other boyfriends" I smiled innocently.
"If I told you no....who...who would you have chosen?" Felix asked clenching his jaw...he is pissed right now...I look down my lap and took a deep breath.
"You" I replied, it hurts even now...I hated myself so much because I knew then if felix refused to be with jeongin that I will for no doubt chose him over the younger, because as much as I loved jeongin my love was felix was stronger and deeper...I didn't want to lose any of them...but if I had to make a sacrifice I would have let jeongin go.

"Your answer makes me angry for some reason ", felix said making me look at him with wide eyes " how could you give up on jeongin like that?" He added throwing daggers at me. I am confused...that was not what I excepted him to say.
"My feelings were fresh then...if I had no choice I would have chosen you...I am not talking about now", I said shaking my head...I can't...and never even think about choosing one of them over the other.
"Yeah" felix said rolling his eyes " one secret is out and hundreds more to discover" he added.
"You are exaggerating." I said chuckling slightly.

"I hope I am" he murmured shaking his head before he walked toward the door.
"Felix" I said, he looked back at me without saying a word...both seungmin and him talked to me but never said they forgive me.
"Give me another chance...please" I said staring into his eyes...silence filled the room as he stared at me blankly.
" I already did...but Don't expect me to stop looking into the mission in India " he replied making me freeze.
"Felix no, I am serious...it is dangerous..."
"Everything we do is...you put yourself in danger for it...there is no difference." He cut me off before he left the room.
God damn it...I know that he is not going to let this go...he shouldn't have known where I went too...