lost me (Minho×ot8)

chapter 79

Seungmin's pov ( next morning)

I kept thinking about jisung kissing lee minho for the whole night...I couldn't even sleep...but I made my decision...I need to talk to the older again.
I knocked on the door waiting for an answer, it is 7am...so he might be asleep...I don't really care at the moment...i just want to solve this once and for all.
The door was opened revealing lee minho...his hair was messy and he looked as he just woke up...so yeah he was definitely sleeping.
"Seungmin,is everything okay?" He asked.

"We need to talk" I replied pushing through him to enter the room.
"If it is about yesterday he..."
"Yeah, he was the one who kissed you first and it was not the first time...it happened before...and with felix and hyunjin...I am here to ask you this again lee minho what do you want?" I said cutting him off.
"It is not that easy seungmin..."
"Do you have feelings toward any of my boyfriends?" I asked cutting him once again...this is taking too much....I am over the fact that I will be able to convince the boys to forget about him...it is impossible...I am aware of that so I want an answer...does he want to be with us or not? His final answer because I am sick and tired of talking about this.
"I...I..." the older said staring away from me...he does...he likes them.

"Who is it? Felix...jisung...hyunjin ?" I asked taking deep breath.
"My wife...I can't..."
"I get it...believe me I do...but you are torturing yourself hyung" I yelled making the older stare at me with wide eyes...this is the first time I call him hyung...and it came from nowhere.
"I feel like I am cheating...I have been in hell since the moment I started to catch feelings for hyunjin" minho said sitting down...so it is hyunjin again " and then the other two...felix and jisung" he stopped shaking his head " I...I didn't get the chance to get close to the others...or you didn't try to get close to me...but...I...I didn't think that this could happen to me seungmin " he added.
"Fall in love again" I replied approaching him...he just nodded staring at me with red teary eyes...I was taken off guard by his state but I tried to act oblivious of his tears.

"With multiple people at that" he whispered blinking his eyes.
"Oh, believe me the boys have this charm that could make you fall in love with them so easily " I said sitting next to him " I didn't lose my partner like you...as in seeing them die but someone I thought was the love of my life broke my trust...I swore that I won't fall in love again...just like you did...until I meant jisung...and the rest...I was opposed of this poly at first...but I am grateful that I joined this relationship..."
"You have a messy relationship though" he cut me off making me smile a little.
"I know...but you know what...no matter how much we argue...or fight...we all love and care about each other...I know it is messy...and toxic perhaps...but I can't imagine my life without any of the boys" I answered." So, answer me hyung...if you let yourself free from your past...do you want to join us?" I added staring at him.

"But you don't want me to" minho hyung said.
"It doesn't matter..."
"It does...you have a say in this...so does jeongin...even if I want to seungmin...there is a lot...I can't just..."
"Forget about everything...about your wife...your job...jeongin and I..."
"It doesn't work like that..."
"Just answer me" I yelled without even realising he is so stubborn I swear.
"I do damn it...I do...I...I want to love again without feeling pain...but this life works against me...everything is just  mess...I am sick and tired of everything...it is like this universe is trying to torture me...it took my family and then it made me fall in love with people I can't be with for multiple reasons seungmin...I might be complicated person...but it is not who I was...the loss of my family did this to me....and I am not that so ignorant to join a relationship where I am not welcomed...you and jeongin have a say in this...so I am...I can't do this to you" the older jumping up on his feet." And I am scared...scared to lose someone I love again" he added looking broke.