lost me (Minho×ot8)

chapter 104

Felix's pov ( present day)
I looked at the older going back and forth inside the house as he set the fireplace on...i was sitting on the couch in the middle of his house ..or more like cabin..it is freaking freezing right here...I get now why jisung hates...hated cold weather...I got lost inside my thoughts before I felt someone approach me.
"It is hot chocolate...your favourite " chan hyung said handing me a cup, I glanced between the cup and him before I took it...I am so pissed at him but I am literally freezing to death...I need to be alive to confront him.

"Are you waiting for a thank you?"I said glaring at the older who was staring at me looking confused.
Suddenly he walked away leaving me confused before he came back carrying a blanket.
"Felix, what are you doing here?" Chan hyung said throwing the blanket on me.
"What the hell do you mean what I am doing here?" I yelled getting up dropping the cover with me " instead of apologising you are asking me what I am..."
"Will my apology change anything?" The older said cutting me off " will it make you hate me less?" He added making me freeze.

When he said that he is leaving that day and never coming back...I just don't know what came over me...of course I was angry...I am angry at him...but i have never thought that chan hyung will give up on us and leave...all of us went through hell after jisung with all thst I...I missed him...it is been three freaking years since I last saw him...how could he just disappeared without asking about us? How could he live knowing that changbin hyung is still in coma...that hyunjin and jeongin are nowhere to be found...that I left minho hyung all alone...god...minho hyung...after all the suffering he went through we made it worse for him.. after we promised to never leave his side...to love him...most of us left...but he didn't gave up on us  he chose to stay and take care of seungmin who must be giving him hell...and changbin hyung.. and his kids...

I took a deep breath running my hand across my hair, I am angry that chan hyung left us.. but I did the same...I can't even face minho hyung...I call him monthly just to hear his voice...I know everything about their daily life thanks to my mom, I asked her to appoint some people to watch them...to make sure they are safe and know that they are...i am sure minho hyung noticed them he is an agent after all yet he didn't say anything about it..I am really ashamed of leaving...but I couldn't accept the fact that hyunjin left again...he promised me he will never do that...and I trusted him...he knows that I will never forgive him for abounding me again...what's worse is that jeongin left with him...we tried calling them but they didn't respond...they will never do that...which means something happened to them....for three years I looked everywhere ignoring minho hyung's request of going back home but I failed...they are just gone.

"Felix" I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"You know what no" I said pushing the older off" I am not like you...you left because you were a coward but I left because I wanted to find the men I love" I added making the older frown.
"You left...men..and find who...me?" He asked looking confused.
"Find hyunjin and jeongin you damn..."
"Hold up What do you mean find hyunjin and jeongin?" Chan hyung cut me off.
"Are you serious right now?" I said frowning, he can't be for real...I scanned the older who looked lost, does he not know about the two leaving...more like disappearing?

"Felix..."
"After you left...more like ran away, hyunjin and jeongin disappeared...I have been looking for them for three years now...hell I missed jisung's funeral because of that" I said cutting him off, I fact only minho hyung attended the funeral seungmin was still traumatised to go, I left...chan hyung left...hyunjin and jeongin disappeared and changbin hyung is in coma...another thing to be ashamed of...we didn't even say a proper goodbye to our jisung...the man who we loved...I will never forgive myself for not attaching but...I just...I didn't think it through...after I lost contact with hyunjin I panicked and just tried to track him down.