lost me (Minho×ot8)

chapter 81

Hyunjin's pov
"So" I said staring at the older, we arrived at my room like ten minutes ago and none of us said a word until now.
Minho hyung who was just sitting down my bed silently glanced at me with a raised eyebrow.
"What do you mean by so?" He asked before he immediately looked away."You were the one who told me you wanted to talk then talk" he added.
Yeah right, I cleared my throat before I walked closer to sit next to him but made sure to leave some space.

"You know that you didn't answer seungmin's question right?" I asked.
"So you just cut into our conversation earlier and brought me here to tell me that I didn't answer seungmin " minho hyung replied still not looking at me.
"Well, no...kind of..." i took a deep breath trying to arrange my thoughts...minho hyung is kind of different from the others....all of us just got into the relationship then tried to figure our feelings out...no one really refused the idea maybe seungmin but he agreed quickly for jisung's sake...no they can't be compared...seungmin didn't lose his partner and kids...as I said he is different so I feel that I might mess up with him. " Are you going to refuse?" I added.
"Do you want me to..."

"This is not about what i want hyung...it is about you" I cut him off grabbing his hand, the older stared at me surprised "if it was about what I want I would have said that I want you hyung...I want to be with you...I want to be yours...I want you to be mine...I want to kiss you hug you" I yelled in frustration.
"You said that it is not about what you want but that's a lot of ' I want in one sentence ' " he said tilting his head to the side.
"Are you making fun of me right now?" I asked...I swear I don't get him sometimes...more like most of the time.
"I won't deny it anymore....I thought i won't fall in love again after jisoo but i did....I did" the older said taking a deep breath before he pulled his hand back..for a second i was happy to hear him admit his emotions out loud but he pulled back I felt disappointed...could he refuse us even with feelings?

"Hyung..."
"I love you hyunjin " he said making me freeze " somehow you made me fall for you...I don't know when it happened or why...but I love you...and I am catching strong feelings toward jisung and felix...you didn't just make me fall in love with you but after living with you I discovered another part of me" he continued, he is probably talking about being polyamorous " I know you don't know me on a romantic level...like when I talk to you I am serious or angry. ..but it is not me...I value love more than you think...it is a sacred thing for me...my love for jisoo was...was unconditional...pure...sincere" He added staring away...it sounds wrong but I am jealous of her....god I am jealous of a dead woman for getting the love and attention that I want from him what is wrong with me?

I know very well that nothing and no one will replace her.. she will always be minho hyung's wife...First true love...family...but I intend to be his last true love...we intend...I just want a chance with him...I know there is a lot going on at the same time so each time I feel like I managed to get close to minho hyung something comes up and we go back to square one.
"Hyunjin " the older said snapping me from my thoughts" I know all of us are just confused about this...each one for a reason...but even if I agree...I don't want the first relationship I have after jisoo to be build on lies and doubt..."
"I will tell you about the mission when the time is right okay...I am thinking about telling the boys " I cut him off jumping up.

"You don't get it the lies..."
"I am not hiding anything else I swear...and I won't keep secrets again..."
" Listen...I get you...you see secrets as a way to protect your loved ones...but I don't...keeping people you care about in the dark for their safety is wrong....you might be putting them in greater danger" minho hyung cut me off before he got up." I have my doubts about the mission...so I might have an idea about why you are hiding it...but you should tell them not because you want me to be your boyfriend but because you truly want to" he added.
"You don't know it is more complicated than..."
"It is related to your father" he cut me off...I clenched my jaw and looked away "it is obvious hyunjin " he added.