Just Be Patient (Urban Story)

Chapter 57: Here Today, Gone Tommorow

I laid in bed feeling these terrible cramps. I was so uncomfortable and have been for days. These cramps came off and on and I had no idea why.
"Beautiful" Jason said coming in the room.
"Yes baby" I said turning my body trying to push the pain away.
"You need anything before I come up for bed?" He asked as he did every night. Jason didn't close his eyes at night until all my needs and wants were met.
"No I'm fine J. Thank you" I said as he came in and closed the door. The girls were already to sleep. He got behind me putting his hands up my shirt.
"Jason not tonight baby" I said pushing his hand away. It was rare that I ever turned him down but this pain was ridiculous.
"I want you baby. Come on the girls sleep and we can take of advantage of this time" he said caressing in my ass. I was not in the mood at all. My mind couldn't even think pass what I was feelin.
"Jason I said no. Stop" I said getting an attitude out of frustration the more he pushed the worse the pain got.
"Aight you don't have to get mad. Damn all I wanted was sex from my wife" he said backing up from me. I didn't tell Jason about my cramps cause I knew he would get concerned and worried. I didn't want to put that on him.
"J I'm sorry I got an attitude but I'm not in the mood. Okay" I said to him.
"Hue you always in the mood to
Make love. Did I do something wrong?" He asked as I faced him. I loved him too much to hide anything from him.
"It's not you baby. I promise. I'm just not feeling well J. That's all" I said caressing his face. He never had a reason to ask if he did anything wrong. Never.
"What's wrong beautiful" he said getting worried as I suspected.
"I'm just having cramps baby. That's all. Ill be okay" I said trying to convince him as another cramp hit my abdomen hard. I winced out in pain grabbing my stomach. I was starting to think this was alittle more than just regular cramps.
"Hue your not okay." He said rubbing my back as I breathed in and out. I felt something running down my leg as I panicked to myself
"Jason can you go get me some water please baby" I said to him as he quickly got up. I had a feeling that I didn't want him to see whatever it was. Soon as I heard him hit the stairs. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. I instantly saw blood rushing down my thigh as I gasped. What the hell was going on. I wasn't on my period and my body felt so weird.
"Ok calm calm down" I said to
Myself as I ran to grab the towel I was laying on. Thank goodness I had that under me. I planned on getting in the shower earlier but I was in so much pain I just laid down. I didn't want Jason to see this. I stepped in the shower and rinsed off as more blood came out. I knew something was definitely wrong.
"Beautiful I'm coming in to help you" Jason said knocking on the door as I stepped out.
"Don't. I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute" I said trying to sound normal. I was scared to death but didn't want him to be scared as well.
"Nah I'm coming in" I quickly locked the door as he turned the knob over and over.
"What the hell" he said to hisself as he tried the door again. I never locked him out. "Hue open the door" he said as I stood there. I was stuck. Everything was happening so fast.
"I will when I'm done Jason." I said as I hurried and got dressed. I opened the door as he gave me this look.
"Why did you lock the door" he said staring at me
"Jason don't ask me why I locked the door in my own house. You don't control me" I said defensive. I was losing control of my own body and didn't know why.
"Aye what is your problem tonight. I just asked a simple question baby. This not like you" he said grabbing me close. I felt so bad for taking whatever this was out on him.
"Nothing is wrong Jason. Nothing" I said leaving his arms and getting dressed.
"Hue it's 11 o clock at night where you going" he said as I grabbed my purse and keys.
"Jen needs me so I'm going to over there. I won't be long" I said to
Him. I never ever lied to my husband NEVER! But I couldn't tell him right now. Maybe it was something small and I didn't wanna worry him about nothing. I was gonna go
To the emergency room and be in and out.
"Ohh...ummm okay. Call me when you on your way back home" he said quietly. Idk what he thought but I needed to get out that house to see a dr asap. My pains were increasing by the minute. I didn't tell him I loved him I just dashed down the stairs as I got in my car. I prayed that I was okay as I pulled off to go the emergency room.
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"How long as this pain been going on Mrs. Thomas" the doctor said as I sat in the examination table.
"For about 4 days. It's getting worse each day" I said tryin to relax myself not jumping to conclusion. I been at the hospital for 3 hours now getting test done. Jason was blowing my phone up but I couldn't even talk to him.
"Okay let me go get your test and I'll be right back." He said as he walked out. As I was laying there I realized I made a huge mistake not bringing Jason with me. He would know how to calm me down and relax me. I always depended on him when I had no answer for myself.
"Okay Mrs. Thomas. I'm reading thru your test and I have some bad news" he said as I sat up some.
"What happened" I said anxiously. What could this be.
"Your having a miscarriage. I'm sorry Mrs. Thomas. The process is almost over but you still have a couple days until it's fully done" I thought I was hearing things.
"I was pregnant" I said in disbelief. I had no idea.
"Yes. You were. Again I'm sorry for your loss." He said getting me some medication. He explained the whole process to me as I sat there dazed. As much as I didn't want another baby I was torn up about losing one too. It was my fault this happened. I lost one of angels. Me. I didn't know how Jason was gonna take this. He wanted more kids and I know after he hears this he was gonna loose his mind. I felt extra bad cause he mentioned me being pregnant a couple weeks ago but I ignored him. I was so focused on not having one I blocked it all out. If only I would've listened and took him seriously I would be carrying our 3rd baby right now. I felt like shit.
"Do you have questions for me before you go home" the middle age doctor said to me as I held my tears back.
"Ummm just one. I have 2 other daughters who I carried full term with no problems. Why did I miscarry this one" I asked wanting to know answers.
"I can't see or tell you a specific reason. After a week schedule an appointment with your normal doctor and she can look more into it. But I do apologize. This is very unfortunate for women and I wish I could help" he said genuinely
"I understand. Thank you" I said as I got dressed and got ready to go. My heart was broken.
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I got home holding myself together. I didn't cry once on my way home. Guilt was eating me alive. I got home wanting Jason more than ever. I walked up the stairs heading to our room as I saw Haley crying standing up in her crib.
"I'm sorry baby. Mommy woke you up huh" I said picking her up sitting in the rocking chair near her crib. She stopped crying looking into my eyes.
"Mommy loves you. You know that" I said rocking her gently back and forth. She smiled at me as tears formed in my eyes. I was devastated. My babies were my whole world and to know I could've did something to hurt them crushed me. I held her close to me as I kissed her. Harley and Haley were so special to me. Conceiving them. Carrying them inside me and giving life to them was the best experience I ever did. It was all from love. I use to dream of this and I finally had them but maybe I wasn't ready to be a mother to a 3rd child. Idk why this happened.
"Go to sleep my angel. I'm so blessed to have you and your sister. Mommy is sorry for taking your other sister or brother away" I said crying harder hugging her tight. I felt so bad. Knowing I could do nothing kilt me. I cradled her in my arms as she dosed back off to sleep.
"I love you forever and a day" I said kissing her one last time laying her down. I hit her lamp as I left out. I went to check in Harley as I saw her sound asleep. These girls were the reason I breathed. I made my way to the bedroom as Jason was up listening to music. He had his head phones on as I tapped him.
"Hue I been calling you for hours. I was worried about you" he said going on and on about who worried he was
"Baby" I said looking down sitting next to him. I had to tell him
"Beautiful what happened. Did someone hurt you? Tell me what's wrong" he said sitting up
"I was pregnant" I said trying to hold it together.
"I knew it! We having another baby. I love you. I love you so much. You make me so happy baby" he was so excited. My heart was scattering into small pieces just watching him get so excited. I cried hysterically knowing what I had to tell him.
"Baby I know you ain't want another baby but why you crying" he asked confused "we pose to be happy. Matter fact Imma call my mother now" he reached for his phone as I grabbed it out his hands
"Don't call her Jason. I said was" he looked so confused.
"Hue I'm lost. What do you mean was. You pregnant right" he said as I took a hold of his hands.
"Jason baby." I rubbed the back of his hands lookin him in the eye "I lost it. I had a miscarriage" I said as he let go of my hands rubbing his face.
"You what. Wait how you know all this" he said to me.
"Baby I was having cramps for a couple of days and I saw blood and I went to the hospital and they told me" I said ranting thru my sobbing.
"Hue are you fucking serious" he said standing up pacing. "You been having pains for days and ain't tell me shit. And you was bleeding and ain't even come to me for help. And now you lost our baby" those last words stabbed at my heart. Hearing him saw that made me feel a million times worse.
"Baby I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know Jason I promise I didn't" I said on my knees in front of him. I was dead wrong for not telling my husband the father of my children about any of this.
"I told you I thought you was pregnant and you didn't even listen to me. We could've stayed it Hue" his words were cutting me deep. I knew this was coming. Jason loved me unconditionally but when it came to his kids he took that to heart.
"Jason I know I know. I'm sorry I should've listened. I should've. Please forgive me" I cried to him. I know I couldn't change this but I should've just listened.
"It's whatever Hue. Get up" he said showing me a side I never saw before. He was mad and hurt all in one and I caused it. I was lost on what to do. He sat on the bed as I went to sit on his lap.
"Nah sit right there" he said pointing on the opposite side of the bed. My feelings were so hurt.
"Ohhh....okay" I said getting up moving to the other side. I wasn't going to argue with him. As bad as I needed him at this moment I had to understand how he felt as well. He told me countless time to take a pregnancy test and I put it off day after day. When I would lift anything heavy he would stop me but I did it anyway. I did things that a pregnant woman shouldn't have even been doing and he tried to tell me. This hurt so bad.
"So did they give you anything to take" he said with his back turned to me
"Yes. Just some pills till I fully miscarry to help with pain and stuff" I said handing him the bottle. He took it out my hand without even looking at me.
"Aight" he said putting them on the night stand. The room got quite as we sat there on opposite sides of the bed. So new for me.
"Jason I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen" I said apologizing to him again. I wanted him to know I was sorry for not even taking his advice.
"Stop saying sorry. What's done is done right" he said hitting the light as he got under the covers. I hid all this from him and I didn't expect him to take it well but I didn't think he would react like this. I got in bed moving closer to him. I wanted him to hold me and kiss me. Tell me everything was gonna be alright. He had too. He was all I had and he was the only person who comforted when when things went bad. Jason was my everything. He always knew what to do.
"Hue I just trying to go to sleep. Aight. We not goin do this tonight" he said moving back from me. He couldn't even look at me or touch me. I made him that mad. Being rejected from him was the big fear of my life. Instead of us celebrating a new baby and happiness we were in bed totally distant mourning a loss of our baby. No matter how far along I was it was still my baby. My angel. I made another beautiful life with the man of my dreams and it was gone. Just like that.
"Can you tell me you love me at least Jason" I whispered to him as I got no answer. I hoped he miraculously fell asleep because him not saying he loved me was out of his character. He told me that every minute of the day without me asking and when I asked he ignored me.
"Okay I get it. But I love you. Always" I said crying myself to sleep holding my stomach. I felt so lonely. I haven't felt this way since I met Jason. I was so sad.
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I woke up the next morning as I felt like I was in a dream. Last night was terrible. I got up letting Jason sleep before he had to go to work. I was gonna give him his space. I went to grab the girls and make breakfast. No matter what happened I still had a house to run and 2 precious little girls to take care of.
"Ma ma look" Harley said to me as I made breakfast. Seeing them brought me joy away from my pain. She drew me a picture yesterday holding it up for me.
"It's so pretty angel. Imma put it in a frame for mommy's desk. Thank you" I said kissing her. She knew just what to do to make me smile
"I lobe you ma ma" she said to me as I let a tear fall wiping it away.
"Mommy loves you more. Your so perfect and no matter what mommy and daddy love you so much." I said to her as Jason came downstairs.
"Good morning baby" I said to him as he went to play with the girls. He pretended like I wasn't even there. I already felt bad enough.
"Okay angel here is your breakfast" I said sitting her plate on the table in front of her in her high chair. Jason fed her while I sat down giving him his food and mines.
"I can feed her so you eat J" I suggested
"I got it" he said not looking my way continuing to eat his breakfast while feeding Harley at the same time.
"I made your favorite" I said trying to make small talk. I want him to say something to me.
"Thanks" he simply said paying me no mind. It was unreal for me.
"Jason I" I stated to speak again but he cut me off.
"Hue let me spend time with my daughters before I leave please" he said to me as if I was in the way.
"Ummmm....okay I'll go do some laundry while you umm spend time with them I guess." I said tryin not to cry in front of him or my babies. I had to be strong for them. Plus I didn't want them seeing their mommy and daddy not getting along and loving on each other like normal so that was the best solution I could think of. I got up from my chair slowly debating whether or not I said kiss him or say I love you. Either way I knew he wasn't going to reciprocate either one so instead of getting my feelings hurt even more I just walked off leaving him alone. Idk what this might do to out marriage but this Jason was a completely different man. Idk how much longer I could handle this. I accepted my mistake and I had to live with this. Dealing with a miscarriage was hard enough but without the man you loved was even harder. I couldn't say sorry enough.....