Just Be Patient (Urban Story)

Chapter 59: No Control....

Jason's mother took the girls so we could make up. We wanted to spend time with them but we had to get us right first. We made love all night everywhere. No room was off limits expect our babies rooms. We had respect for there areas.
"Muahhhhhh muahhhhh muahhhhh" I kissed Jason soft lips as we climaxed. I lost count on what round we was on.
"J you don't know how much I missed them lips" I said sucking on his bottom lip. They had so much power over me. He held me while we laid in bed making up.
"I ain't know make up sex was this good" he said making me laugh
"Don't get any ideas mister" I said caressing his face. I was so much in love with him it was no joke.
"Oh I won't. I don't like when we fight" he said resting his lips in mines. We had this need for each other so much.
"Me either. I was lonely without you J. I cried myself to sleep cause my feelings were so hurt. I felt like I lost my baby and my husband all at once" I said looking into his eyes.
"Beautiful I'm sorry. I can't say that enough. I'm pose to be the man you run to when you goin thru shit and you had to deal with that alone."  As he talked he couldn't even look at me. I know telling him I cried myself to sleep and was lonely would make him feel a certain kinda of way cause he always promised me those days were over but mistakes happen.
"Jason it's okay baby" I said trying to get him to look at me. I saw tears forming in his eyes. He got up and out his boxers on.
"I'll be right back" he said leaving the room. I could tell he was beating himself for all this and I didn't want that. Yes we made up but I think it was starting to really hit him. They way he acted and missing the whole point of what I needed which was just him. I threw a shirt on as I went to go find him.
"J" I called out as I got no answer. I walked downstairs seeing him on the couch with his head in his lap. I knew he was crying. I walked over to him as I put his head in my lap just caressing it. Whatever was bothering him I wanted him to just let it out. "Baby tell me what's on your mind" I said kissing the side of his face.
"Hue I'm ashamed of myself" he said in lap. Although I didn't want hint to feel this way at all I wanted to hear him out.
"And why are you ashamed baby" I whispered to me as he sat up
"Cause I broke my promise to you. I know how fucked up people use to treat you and I did something I vowed never to do. You wanted me to be there for you and I just threw your feelings to the side cause I was angry." He said wiping his eyes. He always protected my heart from everyone with bad intentions and I know he didn't mean it.
"Jason I forgave you. I'm not holding that against you babe. It happened now its done" I said trying to make him feel better. "No problems here"
"I hurt your feelings and treated you like a stranger. You was there when I got in a car accident. You came to the hospital every day took care of me and when I got home it's nothing I had to ask for that you ain't do. You took care of me and our newborn baby. When I had problems at work with my lawyers you stepped in and bossed it out and got me way better deals. You listen to me vent my issues all the time. You stay up every night until I get home no matter what time it is and kiss me and say how much you missed me. You went thru hell getting pregnant with our daughters but you never complained. Hue you fucking reconnected me with my father and made it easier for me to even have a conversation with him." I listened intently to him as he went on "but soon as you do one thing and it was not even on purpose. I flip out on you. You wanted me to hold you cause you was in pain and I said no. I sat there while you said you love me over and over and I didn't even say it back. You would talk to me but I told you to pretty much get out my face. You miscarried our baby in our bed for 3 days and I walked past you like you wasn't even there. That's fuckin my mind up man. And the worst part is after all that you can sit here and simply say I forgive you and still love me. I don't deserve you" he said as I cried. I was good to him no question but it was because I loved him. I can see if Jason treated me like trash all the time but he just had a bad couple days. It's tons of stuff that he does for me and I'am so grateful to have him. I never count the things I do for him. It's all out of love.
"Jason you love me like I never had before. You make me happy baby. I mean it when I say I'm over it. Your human but I do appreciate you telling me this." I rubbed his back as he sighed.
"All I wanna do is make you happy beautiful. That's my sole purpose in life. You deserve the world" he said to me
"And I have it with you Jason. Your a great husband to me." I kissed his lips softly "your my best friend" I kissed his lips again "your the man who gave me my peace" I kissed him again "you the amazing father of my kids" and again "I'm madly in love with you Jason. That's never changing. No matter what" we deserved each other. We were made for each other. I couldn't exist without him and he couldn't survive without me.
"Say you love me" he said laying his head on my chest as I laid across the couch.
"Jason I love you. Always." I said caressing his head as he exhaled. "I love you. I love you. I love you" I said in his ear over and over. He had to know my love was forever.
"I love you so much beautiful. Imma do right okay" he said to me as I smiled
"Yes Jason. But I want you to do something else for me" I said pulling at his boxers. He knew what time it was
"You wanna go upstairs or right here" he said reading my mind as he took my shirt off
"Right here" I said straddling him. We kissed running our hands over each other's naked body. I loved being this close and intimate with him.
"Imma get you pregnant again beautiful. I'm not stopping until you are" he said in my ear making me blush.
"Promise" I said kissing his neck
"I promise baby" he said holding on to my waist. He was on a mission and we'll see what happens. As long as he was happy. I was happy.
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3 months later.......
"Ohh yesss Daddy" I moaned out as I climaxed. We were in Jason car while he had a break from work. He was still trying to fulfill his promise to me about getting pregnant again. It was taking some time but we had sex every chance we got. At home, in the car, my office, his office, you name it.
"Shit that was good" Jason said throwing his head back as I kissed his chest.
"Daddy come on we have time for one more" I said as he rubbed my ass.
"Beautiful my next meeting in 5 minutes. We can't baby" he said fixing my hair. I was getting obsessed with getting pregnant.
"Please daddy" I said sucking on his earlobe. "They can wait. I need you" I whispered in his ear over and over trying to wear him down. 
"Beautiful you making this hard. When I get home tonight we can make love okay. How that sound" he said rubbing my back. I was not taking no for an answer.
"I want you now" I said holding his face kissing his lips. "Right now Jason. Don't make me wait" I said snaking my hand between his legs stroking his hard again erection. He grabbed his phone as he dialed a number.
"Aye do me a favor. When my next meeting come tell them Imma be 10 minutes" I moved to the floor kissing his thigh "damn....20 minutes late. Get them whatever they want" he said to his assistant as he hung up. I always got my way.
"We got 20 minutes." He said as I took his penis in my mouth. He grabbed my head as he grunted.
"Imma take good care of you daddy" I said going to work. We loved pleasing each other. This never got old.
"You better. Now less talking and more sucking" he said making me laugh. Jason always kept me laughing and I loved how much he wanted me. I lived for him.
"Yes sir" I said doing as he asked. I was gonna make these 20 minutes last.
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"Haley don't put that in your mouth baby" I said taking the remote from her. She was getting into everything and I had to keep a close eye on her. She was her own boss. I took the remote from her as she screamed her head off.
"Ma ma ma ma ma" she mumbled while crying. That was the only thing she could say. I was super excited when she said it. 
"Awwww mommy sorry but I don't want you to hurt yourself angel. Let's find you something else okay" I said picking her up kissing her forehead as she laid her head on my shoulder. She was such a momma girl.
"Okay angel. What do you wanna make today" I said to a patient Harley as she sat on the stool in the kitchen. I made sure to spend that time with her and she loved being in the kitchen with me so it was perfect.
"Cookies ma ma" she said as I rocked Haley.
"Cookies it is baby. What do we need" I asked seeing if she remembered. We did this on a normal basis.
"Bowl ma ma big one" she said stepping down grabbing a big mixing bowl. I made sure to keep things she could use in her reach.
"Yes my angel. Good job. Now mommy will get everything else don't move" I went to get all the ingredients. I went to the fridge and soon as I opened the door I suddenly forget what I came there for.
"Angel what did mommy come over here for" I said to Harley. I forgot that quick.
"Cookies ma ma" she said as I remember.
"Thank you baby. Idk why mommy so forgetful now" I said gathering everything as I let her do it on her own. I watched as she followed my instructions. I sat there rocking Haley just enjoying my time with my babies. It was nothing better than spending time with them. Haley put her hand in my shirt as she dosed off. Both Haley and Harley did that when they were sleepy.
"I love you" I said to her as I kissed her laying in her play pin. She had so much energy and it was hard for me to keep up lately.
"All done angel" I said yawning. I got enough sleep but maybe I needed more. My sleeping pattern was jacked up the last couple weeks. She nodded her head as I grabbed the bowl covering it placing it in the fridge. I was growing more tired by the minute.
"Angel mommy will bake them later. How about we watch a movie" I said as she climbed off the stool running to the couch. I gave her the remote as I sat her close to me. I held her close as I dosed off.
"Mommy loves you angel" was the last thing I remember saying before my eyes shut and I was out.........

"Beautiful wake up" I heard Jason say as he woke me up.
"Omg what time is it. I didn't even make your dinner" I planned on taking a quick nap. Not a deep sleep. I didn't even start on dinner.
"It's okay. I brought dinner home for you. I called your phone and figured you was sleeping so I just picked up something" he said as I sat up.
"I'm sorry baby. I closed my eyes for a second and I was out" I said laying my head on his shoulder.
"You been sleeping a lot lately baby. Everything okay" he said connecting our hands.
"I feel fine. I just feel like I can't get enough sleep. No matter what" I said to him. I wasn't sick or anything but my energy was off and on.
"Go to bed beautiful. I'll take care of the girls. Rest" he said standing me up.
"Okay. I do need it." I kissed him as I went upstairs. I got in bed and relaxed. The bed was my new best friend.
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3am....
I woke up out my sleep feeling nauseous. I ran to the bathroom throwing up. I held my hair as I bent over the toilet.
"Baby what's wrong" Jason said helping me running into the bathroom.
"My stomach feels funny. I should've ate earlier" I said brushing my teeth
"Baby I don't think it's cause that" he said staring at me as I rinsed my mouth.
"J I think you're right" we were both on the same page. I went to the medicine cabinet pulling out a pregnancy test. We kept them in the house so I could always have one on hand since we were trying to have another baby.
"Think I should take it" I said playing with the box.
"Yeah. I'm right here baby" he said to me as I opened it up. I did the test as I placed it on the sink. We had to wait and see.
"Nervous" he said sitting me on his lap on the tub.
"Can you tell" I said laughing my nerves. He got up to read it. I sat there anxious as he picked it up. He had a huge grin on his face
"We pregnant" he said as he picked me up kissing me. I was happy but suddenly got scared.
"That's great baby" I said not saying anything else. I feared something was gonna go wrong.
"What you scared of" he said making me look at him in the eye.
"Nothing baby. I'm okay" I didn't want to even out another miscarriage out in the universe.
"That's a lie. Now tell me the truth" he said helping me in bed. I was torn between being happy and scared.
"J what if this won't make it. I can't take that again" I said crying in his chest. My nerves were shot.
"Baby we goin have a healthy pregnancy okay. Imma take good care of you and nothing goin happen. I promise you that beautiful" he said trying to relax me.
"I'm scared Jason" I said holding on to him tight.
"Imma be honest with you. If it happen again then I'll be hurt but we can keep trying baby. Nothing goin stop this" he said as I nodded my head. I was afraid of a repeat. That was terrible. 
"Idk if I wanna keep trying if this one don't work out. It's a sign if I lose this one. Maybe we just meant to have Haley and Harley babe" I said trying to think positive
"Hue I don't think we should just give up but it's your body and I respect what you decided" he said sounding hurt.
"That's not what you want though J. I want you happy" I said to him
"Iam happy. Long as I got you" he kissed me in my forehead as I smiled. This was great news but I didn't wanna get too happy.
"I love you J" I said getting comfortable
"I love you more" he held me close as I closed my eyes. Hopefully this all works out. I was going to enjoy this while it last. I was going to think positive.
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Two Week Later....... 
I was crying hysterically looking for my phone as I tore my bed up looking for it. I was shaking as I found it hitting my baby on my call list.
"What's up sexy" Jason picking up
"Im losing it baby. It's happening again" I cried to him in the phone.
"Calm down beautiful. Tell me what happened" he said trying to understand what I was saying.
"I was feeding Haley and I was cramping so bad out of nowhere. I ran to the bathroom and its blood everywhere baby. I lost our baby again" I was sobbing so bad sitting on floor. This was not happening to me for the second time.
"I'm on my way. Just say right there baby." He said as I cried harder
"Im so sorry Jason. Im sorry. Im a disappointment" I said to him out of it.
"Don't ever say that out your mouth. Baby you did nothing wrong."
"What's wrong with me" I said to him so broken.
"Nothing is wrong with you baby. Your perfect beautiful. So perfect okay" he said to me as he drove. I didn't wanna hang up. I needed him.
"Hurry up J. I need you" another cramp hit me as I tried to stand up "it hurts so bad baby" I said out in pain
"I know baby I know. Daddy is almost there. Just stay calm okay. I love you so much" he comforted me even when he was not with me. I just cried holding  my stomach waiting for him.
"Ma ma" I heard Harley say knocking on the door.
"Mommy's coming out in a min baby" I said to her trying to sound normal.
"Ma ma me want you. Open ma ma" she said trying to open the door but I already locked it. I couldn't let her see none of this. I was stuck. I threw my phone across the room in frustration. I could here Harley crying for me outside the door as I felt worse. I was losing control of everything so fast. I felt lifeless. I was no good to anyone like this. Not even my own kids. I cried on the floor trying to block everything out. This was the start of a deep depression for me.