Just Be Patient (Urban Story)

Chapter 41: Words Do Hurt (part one)

Flashback......
"Mommy mommy. Look I can tie my shoes. I did it I did it" I ran out to my mother in the living room. I was about 6 years old and was beyond excited to show her what I did.
"Little girl what did you call me" she said giving me the evil eye. I was scared of her and always tried to do things right to make her happy. I knew she would be proud.
"I'm sorry Ms. Brenda" I said looking down. My mother never liked for me to call her mommy or mom. She said it made her feel like we were close and happy. She wanted nothing to do with me but kept me around for the sake of my mother. She told me constantly that she would've gave me away if she known that I would take all the attention. I was just a child. How did I know that?....
"What the fuck do you want. Can't you see I'm watching tv. Your always in my fucking face like a pest. Hue your so damn annoying no matter" no how often she yelled and cursed at me it still hurt my feelings to hear some of the things she said to me. My little mind couldn't understand why sh e treated like I wasn't her daughter.
"I just wanted to show you that I can tie my shoe." I said softly. I was proud of myself but the way she looked at me made me feel useless.
"You think that's something to be all happy about. Your so damn stupid. You should've been did that. Idk how I ended up with a dumb ass child" she said insulting me. She never taught me anything so I had to figure things out myself. I know I didn't always get things as fast as other kids my age but I didn't have any to help me. I figured everything out on my own.
"I'm sorry Ms. Brenda" I said as tears started to come from my eyes. I was embarrassed. I felt so dumb. She was right I should've been doing better.
"Little girl get the fuck away from me with all that crying. I keep tellin you crying makes you weak and watch you goin be a weak stupid ugly woman" I wanted to curl up in a corner but I stood there taking the verbal abuse as I usually did. I held my tears back wiping my face with my small hands.
"Go to your room and don't bother me again for I beat your ass. You make me sick" she spat at me
"Can I have something to eat Ms. Brenda before I go back to my room" I asked nervously. I didn't completely starve she just would give me a hard time telling me don't eat certain things she wanted to save for my father and herself. I always took whatever I could find.
"Why are you asking me stupid. Go fix your own shit and get out my sight" she said giving her attention to the broke down TV we had. She lit her cigarette blowing her smoke all in my direction
"Yes ma'am" I said obeying her. I went to the kitchen grabbing a piece of bread and peanut butter. I made a sandwich as I took it inside my room. I sat on my mattress that rested on the floor with just some old sheets as I ate. My room was simple plain because they thought I didn't deserve a girly room. I didn't ask for much and I got use to the being treated this way. It was normal to me. I was a sad depressed child and didn't have many friends because I lacked social skills. My own parents didn't even communicate with me so I had no idea how to talk to other kids. I was made fun of and tormented for not having the nice clothes and toys everyone else had.
"I can be my own friend. I don't need anybody" I whispered to myself over and over again as I sat there alone eating my sandwich. Tears rolled down my face thinking how I terrible I had it. Nobody was gonna love me if my own mother hated me. Something really had to be wrong with me..........

"Oh my god" I said jumping out my nightmare wiping my face. Their they were again. I was not even a child anymore and it still haunted me. My childhood was nothing but easy. Having those dreams of my mother always made me emotional and scared after. Still to this day I couldn't tell you why she hated me so much besides the fact that she thought I was stealing my father way from her. I sat up in bed alone reaching for my phone. My hands shaked as I found the number of the person who could always calm me down.
"Hello" Jason said answering on the 2nd ring. It was 3 in the morning and I knew he was probably sleeping.
"Did I wake you J" I said as I tried to seem normal. My eyes was watery and I was holding on my tears.
"Yeah but it's all good what's wrong beautiful" he said sensing my mood.
"Baby I need you" I said breaking down. I know they say let the past be the past but this still ate at me every now and then.
"I'm on my way okay. Calm down for me baby. I want you to relax till I get there" he said easing my mind a little. Jason was always there for me when I needed him no matter how late or early. Rain or shine he had my back. That's why I loved him. 30 minutes passed as I laid bed feeling the same emotions I felt when I was a child. I someone knock on my door as I got up dragging myself out of bed.
"Jason" I said crying out for him as I opened the door. I automatically ran in his arms.
"Shhh baby. I'm right here. I got you" he said picking me up and kicking the door shut with his foot. He did this for me at least once every couple months. I didn't want this to be a habit. I felt so low. He carried me upstairs getting in bed with me. I cried in his chest burying my face in his chest.
"Beautiful your so special baby. Don't cry" he said rocking me in his arms. I never felt this type of emotion before. Love and security. So new to me.
"Why didn't she love me. That's all I wanted what did I do" I said crying even harder. My life was heart ache after heart ache. It felt like I was always in shitty situations in life.
"Baby you did nothing wrong. Maybe she didn't know how beautiful. You can't beat yourself up baby" he kissed my forehead over and over. I had to relax.
"Nobody loves me but you" I said wiping my face. Having him in my life helped me so much. I was already okay with myself before him but I still had my days.
"Look at me Hue" he said stroking my hair. "Your so beautiful and smart. I love you and I won't let a day go by without telling. I will always love you. You ain't never gotta feel like that again. Imma take care of you for the rest of my life. You understand me" he said to me so serious.
"Yes Jason. Thank you" I said feelin a little better. He always knew what to do or say to me during these times.
"Don't ever thank me. Just say you love me back and I'll be yours forever" he said pulling me closer laying me on top of him.
"I love you baby" I said as I rested my head on his chest. I fell asleep in his strong loving embrace.
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Jason was feeling better and his temperature even went down. I was so glad to see him back to his old self. For 3 days I was his nurse tending to his every need and want. I would do anything to help my baby.
"Bill,bill,check, Jason's bank statement, more bills" I said flipping threw the mail. I was in the kitchen fixing breakfast as I saw nothing that interested me until I saw this yellow envelope with my name on it.
Hue Jackson
1200 Morrison Drive
Atlanta, Georgia
It read as I opened it. One, it had no sender or return address. 2, when I got married all my mail said Hue Thomas. Jackson was no longer my last name. And 3, what the hell was inside. I ripped inside as I scanned the note inside. I thought I was dreaming. It read:

Dear Hue,
I hope this letter gets to you and you read it. Your father told me that he came to talk to you and your boyfriend ran him off. All he wanted to do was get some help from you for my surgery. Instead you let a man come between blood. You are nothing but a selfish self centered bougie bitch. I regret the day I ever got pregnant with you. I should've listened to my mother when she said abort you. You been nothing but trouble all my life and there will never be a relationship between us. I hope you and your perfect little life burn in hell for what you put me thru. Your still dumb and useless and I hope karma bites your ass. I don't ever need you and I want you to know how much I hate you. No matter how much you try to ignore and push me out. You will become me. I feel bad for your children cause your a bad mother. Just like me. Your grandmother and your great grandmother. Keep the cycle going bitch,
Ms Brenda
My mouth flew open.
"What the fuck was this all about" I said super confused and mad at the same time. I was so not with this game and drama. I had to put this to a stop.