Just Be Patient (Urban Story)

Chapter 91: Back Down Memory Lane

(This is all about the past....... Enjoy 🤗)

Flashback.....
"Omg don't go in there" I shouted at the TV screen cuddled up in my bed. I was supposed to go on a date with Jason but he said he got caught up at his office so I was riding solo watching horror movies alone in bed. I was kinda sad he canceled because I was looking forward to seeing him but oh well. I laid in bed finishing my movie as my phone vibrated. It was a text from Jason saying he was sorry about tonight but he was gonna come over in an hour. I instantly got excited and knew my night was gonna be different once he came over. I was loving being in a relationship because I felt that Jason was the right person. I didn't wanna be head over heels in love so easily but I couldn't help but feel that way.
3 hours later.....
I jumped out my sleep as I read the clock that said 12:15am. I checked my phone seeing no missed calls or texts from Jason. Where the hell was he? I dialed his number as it went to voicemail after a couple rings. I sent him a text but got no reply. I started to feel uncomfortable because it felt like I was trying to get in contact with someone who didn't wanna be reached. Hour after hour passed as I grew more and more irritated.
"He's not coming" I said to myself as I threw my phone next to me. Why would you make plans with me twice just to stand me up. I was not feeling this and this wasn't the first time this week he's did that. It was like we only spoke when I called him which was strange because he never acted like this before. It was always an excuse why he couldn't call or see me. Maybe it was just me but something wasn't right. Finally when 4am hit I decided to call it a night. I was sick of texting him and I started to feel stupid. This was not the same Jason.
The next day.....
I sat at my desk tapping my nails on the keyboard as I stared at my phone. Jason hadn't called me or replied to any of my messages from last night. I wasn't about to flood his phone anymore. As I sat there I thought maybe something was wrong with him and he couldn't reach me for a good reason. I got up grabbing my purse as I headed to his office just to see if he was okay. I should've have jumped to anger without checking on him first. I drove about 20 mins as I saw him threw the window as I parked. He looked pretty normal to me so what was the deal. I opened his office door as he looked like he saw a ghost.
"Hey" he said in a tone that made me feel strange. He didn't look happy to see me from the look on his face.
"Hey. I been trying to reach you all last night and this morning. You didn't see my messages" I said calmly. I was never the type to go flying off the handles. Our relationship was growing so anything could happen.
"I was busy. My bad" he said looking pass me. If I didn't know any better I would say he was lying but I went with it.
"Oh...okay." I said feeling awkward. He didn't even hug or kiss me at all. What did I do to him?
"Yeah..." He said rubbing his beard. I didn't like when people beat around the bush with me and his whole vibe was throwing me off.
"Ummm Jason did I do something wrong cause you're acting funny" I said hoping to be wrong. I didn't wanna be anywhere I wasn't wanted.
"Nah you ain't do nothing but I wanted to talk to you about something" he said as I took a deep breath and sat in the chair across from him.
"I'm listening" I said pleasantly as he spoke.
"Hue do you think we rushed being in a relationship with each other?." He said as I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. Did he just say that?
"Umm I didn't think so but is that what you think? I said nervously
"I think so" my heart dropped.
"Oh" I said saving face. I didn't wanna cry in front of him. I really really really loved Jason and I thought he felt the same way. I was wrong I guess.
"I mean you a cool ass person but is being together is different from us being friends. We both got crazy schedules and it's just bad timing" he said as I put my shades on. I could feel my eyes watering.
"Maybe you're right" I said totally not agreeing with him. I was falling in love with this man and for him to say we shouldn't be together hurt my feelings so much. I would make all the time in the world to be with him but if that's how he felt. So be it. Sitting there made me feel so rejected and my heart was broken. But hey I was no stranger when it came to disappointment and love.
"I ain't know how to tell you but I'm glad you not upset or anything" he said as I gave him a fake smile.
"Oh no I understand but what about next week" I said referring to our trip. Jason planned for us to go to the beach but I knew it wasn't gonna happen.
"I can just cancel our reservations unless you wanted to go to have a weekend for yourself" he said as I felt so low. I knew this man was who I wanted to marry. I wanted to have kids with him. I wanted to make love to him but he didn't want any of that with me. I had to accept that. But I didn't want anyone but him.
"No I'll just stay home. But I guess this is it huh" I said standing up ready to go home.
"We still can be friends though Hue" he said making me laugh. I didn't want to make him be my friend because he felt bad for me.
"Jason it's okay. I wouldn't want to force that on you so it's all good. No love lost right" I said reaching for a hug. I just had to let go.
"No love lost" he said unsure of his own decision but it was too late now. He made his choice for whatever reason and it was no turning back. We hugged tightly as I took in his scent for the last time. He didn't let go fast so I kept my cool.
"Good bye Jason" I said looking at him before walking out.
"Alright Hue. Be safe" was the last thing he said as I shut his door. I dashed off to my car throwing my head on the wheel. I cried and cried and cried so hard crushed. What did I do for not one single person to love me? I was so confused and sad and angry all at the same time. I felt that we were headed in the right direction and we even said I love you to each other. How did we go from there to this? I had no answer at all to be honest. I never saw that coming. The whole way home I cried and went straight to sleep.
"Life happens Hue. Get over it" I said to myself. So much for being happy......
2 weeks later........
"Can you tell me about your business" the adoption agent said to me as I sat in the spacious office. Adoption was my ending plan for my life. Even though I was still in my 20s I knew having a baby wasn't going to happen. Jason broke up with him and I wasn't going to go find another man nor did I desire to. I couldn't have babies so it was now or never. I didn't wanna be a old mother so I saw it as a win for me.
"Well I cater for events and private parties. I do tons of media work for my business and it's very profitable. I have full control of my schedule so I could easily make time for a baby if one was given to me" I said trying my hardest for this to work. I needed a baby desperately in my life. I had so much love to give and for once I wanted something to love me back. That's all I needed.
"If we had a baby for you would you have a significant other to help you raise them?" She said making notes as I swallowed hard.
"No ma'am. I would take care of he or she on my own." I said as she smiled at me.
"Ms. Jackson I'll be honest. You have the finances and the environment to make placing a baby easy for us but our agency likes to place babies in a 2 parent home. It doesn't disqualify you but it just makes the process easier. 2 parents are always better than one" she said as I felt so overwhelmed. Nothing was going right for me.
"Do you have children?" I asked the slim black woman as she nodded.
"Yes 2. A boy and a girl" she said proudly
"And do you love them more than anything" I asked.
"Oh no question. They bring me such joy and it was amazing to have them. I love them more than life itself" she said as I made my point
"I wanna feel that. I never had anything to love but I know I can love a child so much. No they won't have a father but I'm going to be both. I can do it. Please just give me a chance. This is all I want is to be a mother. Please" I said with tears in my eyes. I knew I would be an amazing mother. I wanted to give my child everything I didn't. I longed for a baby.
"I understand Ms.Jackson. I wish it was up to me but I'm sorry. I can give you the number to an agent who gives to single woman. It might take some time but see what happens" she said handing me her card. I looked at and decided it was over. This was another dream of mines that I had to let go. First love now motherhood
"You know what. I'll pass. Thanks for your help" I walked out defeated. Life kept knocking me down. I usually never gave up without a good fight but I was so tired of fighting. My whole life was one huge fight and I was all cried and fight out. I had nothing left in me.
I pulled up at the drug store so I could get something for terrible headache. My head was pounding. I didn't wanna eat or sleep. I felt lifeless. I went inside searching for some aspirin.
"Got it" I said walking for the check out area. I almost made it to the cashier when someone ran right into me.
"Damn my bad I'm sorry" I looked up seeing Jason as I gasped. He saw me and looked just as surprised. My hair was a mess and my eyes were puffy from all the crying I did.
"No it was my fought. But nice seeing you" I said trying to get away from him as fast as possible. I was saving the worst couple of weeks and I didn't need for him to see me like this.
"Hue" he called out as I froze.
"Yeah" I said facing him as cleared his throat
"How you been?" He asked as I looked down. Besides being dumped and getting denied for being a mother. I was great.
"I'm making it" I said giving him a sorry smile.
"Yeah I feel you. You know if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here" he said making me sad. I missed us so much and after the day I had all I wanted and needed was him. I thought about him constantly and I had to fight the strong urge to text or call him. He was all I had. My feelings for him never faded or went away. Not even the slightest bit.
"Thanks" I said playing with my hands. "I guess I'll see you around though." I couldn't bare to look at him anymore. It was breaking my heart.
"I hope so" he said misleading me. I could feel he still wanted me but I wasn't going to say anything. His mind was made up. I got back to my car and drove all the way home and didn't even get the damn aspirin. Seeing him distracted me.
3:20am.....
I was woken up out my sleep as I heard someone banging on my door. I got up throwing my robe on half asleep. The banging was none stop as I walked down my stairs. I had no idea who was at my door this early and why. I looked in the driveway and saw a familiar car. I looked outside and knew I was right. I opened the door and who was standing there leaving me speechless
"Jason" I said as he walked in. He was anxious.
"I'm sorry to just show up like this" he said as we sat in the couch. What did he want with me now?
"It's okay. Why you come here anyway" I said toying with my robe string. I was still in love with him.
"I made a huge mistake" he said making me think he was in trouble
"What happened" I said genuinely concerned.
"I let you go" he said staring at me as I felt my mouth dry up.
"Jason please" I didn't want my heart to be broken again.
"Hue I love you and I got scared. I never wanted to let you go but I didn't know what to do. It got so real and I ain't never have these feelings before. Ever" he said as I saw what he meant.
"Jason you hurt my feelings. If you don't want me than its okay. I understand it" I said so use to the whole I don't want you speech.
"But I do want you. I was just scared baby. I was stupid" he said moving closer to me. I got up pulling away from him.
"So what do you expect huh. Me to fall in your arms like nothing ever happened Jason. I love you so much and you just let me go. I would never do that to you. Why would you treat me like I'm not good enough. I adore you Jason and I feel worthless now. Nobody loves me!!!" I screamed as I let out all my frustrations. I wanted to set free of all this pain and anger. It wasn't fair.
"Beautiful I do love you. I do. Your perfect baby and I'm sorry I panicked but I want you. If anything your too good for me. I swear I'm sorry. I fucked up but I'm dead serious Hue. I want to be with you and only you" he grabbed me tight as I cried in his chest. I let it all out.
"Shhhh I'm never letting you go again. I'll make it up to you forever baby. I promise." He kissed my forehead over and over as he let me out his embrace. He bent down picking up my adoption brochures as he ran his hands over his face.
"You went thru with it huh" he said hurt. He knew I wanted kids and adoption was something we promised to do with each other in the future together.
"I had no choice" I said looking down.
"Now you do." He threw all my papers in the trash as I nearly lost my mind
"Jason why would you do that?!" I said upset.
"Because you goin have my baby. You don't need that" he said confidently
"Who's to say that you won't up and leave me again. I wanna be smart and still be on the waiting list" I said being honest
"You have my word. Beautiful I promise I won't ever leave you. I swear to God. I never stopped thinking about you. I missed you so much" he said holding on to my face.
"Why do you want me" I wanted the truth
"Hue your the only woman I would die for except my mother. I couldn't sleep knowing I let you go. I need you and if you take me back I promise I'll make the rest of life worth it. I'll give you a baby every day if I could. I'll make love to you non stop. It's nothing you goin need. Let me take care of you Hue. I'm not perfect but I never been in love so teach me how to do it. Please give me a second chance" he said on his knees as I looked down at him. My heart screamed take him back. My body wanted him. I knew he was all I needed. Call me crazy but I was in love and it felt so good. We all deserved second chances.
"Don't hurt me again" I knelt down with Jonas he kissed my lips. We made out passionately as I felt all over him.
"I love you" he whispered on my lips as I cried.
"I love you too" I said kissing his lips over and over.
"You my world beautiful" he said picking me up. I missed being in his arms.
"Let's make love. I need us too baby please" I said as he carried me upstairs. I was determined to have all my goals in life. Even if they came with a fight. I was made stronger everyday and I had to stipend thank God for keeping me sane. I strongly believed that God gave his strongest soldiers the hardest fights. I was not going to fail. No matter what and who knows. Maybe I would be his wife and have a baby or 2 in the future. Wishful thinking but I had faith. You never know though.........