Class Starts When the Game Is Over

chapter 33

I cried... a lot.

I rose from the sofa and went to his room and sit at the edge of his bed. I still cried. I nearly drowned in my own tears.

"How could you do this to me?" Ejay asked. I didn't notice that he swung the door open and let himself inside the room.

"I'm sorry," is all that I can say. What more can I say or do to console him? Tell me.

"You're always sorry but I can't see the sincerity in it. You don't mean it," he said. I can clearly mirror hurt in his eyes if only I lit the lampshade, but I didn't.

"I admit that I like him," I said that made him hissed. "But you're the one I love."

"You can always say that you love me. But actually you don't," he said, sniffing. I can't stand the thought that he cried... again, for me. I'm so dumb not to appreciate that I owned a beautiful man like him.

"No, you're wrong. I mean it. I love you," I said, repeating the last sentence over and over again.

"Loving me and liking another man. So, where's the fidelity in that huh?" he said. He's now standing an inch away from me. I can't see his face in the dark.

"I'm just confused. He confused me, but I'm sure I love you and like you more," I said. Hindi ko masabi yung pangalan ni Alfred. Not now, when Ejay's blood is boiling and anytime soon he will erupt. Promise.

"Am I going to believe you this time?" he asked. Trust, wala na ba s'yang trust?

"I can't blame you if you don't want to believe me this time. But I can't let you think that I don't love you or didn't love you. Because I did, I do, I will. I love you." And then I stand in front of him. It's hard to reach him kasi matangkad s'ya. Wala pa ko sa balikat n'ya kaya.

"You're really different. I knew it the first time I saw you. And now I can prove it, that you're different. You really have the power to make me weak and to make me believe in your words even if the truth shoots me and stares me in between the eyes," sabi n'ya.

 "I don't know that I have such power over you. But it's true that I love you," sabi ko then I closed the distance between the two of us and hugged him, tightly. Hindi n'ya ko niyakap. His hands stayed in his side.

I am not afraid that he will slap me or he will raise his hands to hurt me, I deserved it. What I'm afraid of is the thought that he will never touch me, ever again.

"You're only making me madder if you're standing there and you looked like waiting for a punch. I'm not going to hurt you. I will never do that," he said. I'm still crying. God, what kind of dumb woman I am not to recognized the beauty that I owned? My man is precious.

"I'm so sorry," I said and took two steps back. I undressed myself, pikit-mata. I wear off his bathrobe and I don't know if he can see that aside from the bracelet he gave me, I wear nothing beneath that robe. So, I step forward again and hugged him. "I can prove to you how much I love you... Let's do it."

AND THE REST IS HISTORY =))

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Naalimpungatan ako at around 2:00 AM. Wala si Ejay sa tabi ko. Naalala ko kanina, he resists me... again.

Well, hindi ako disappointed. The guy is the only gentleman, perfect gentleman, I've ever known. He respects me that much kaya kahit ako na yung may gusto, ayaw n'ya pa din. O baka naman ayaw n'ya talaga sa'kin? Hahaha!

Mas masakit isipin na kaya n'ya ako tinanggihan dahil sa ayaw n'ya talaga sa'kin, hindi dahil sa gentleman s'ya.

I went outside the room to search for him and I found him in the couch. The big man folded his long body to suit himself on the couch.

Isn't it very amazing? That he's afraid to sleep with me tonight because we both know that we're both vulnerable. Yeah, mahina kami ngayon. Wala kaming laban sa temptation. Pag ganitong umuulan talaga... Malamig, masarap ang may kayakap.

I went back to his room and get a blanket for him and a pillow for myself. Kinumutan ko s'ya tapos ako naman tumunganga sa harap n'ya.

Nakapatong yung dalawa kong kamay sa maliit na lamesa na katapat ng couch tapos nakaupo ako sa sahig at nakatitig sa mukha n'ya. Ngayon lang ako nagkaron ng pagkakataon na pagmasdan at tignan yung kung anong meron ako. Alam kong hindi na dapat ako naghahanap ng atensyon at kalinga sa ibang lalaki kasi sobrang swerte ko naman sa kanya eh. Pero ngayon ko naintindihan na walang pinipili ang temptation. Iniisip ko na lang na siguro isang malaking test lang si Alfred at hindi kami dapat na magpaapekto.

I touched his face then he moved. Naramdaman n'ya sigurong may nagkumot sa kanya at may nagnanasa sa kanya :P Wag ka mag-alala, baby, hindi multo yun. Ako yun.

He opened his eyes and saw me but didn't say a word. "Hey, I just woke up," I told him and smile. Sana okay na kami. Pagkatapos ko kasing maghubad sa harap n'ya at pagkatapos n'yang magpigil, hindi na kami nag-usap na dalawa.

"Aren't you comfortable in the bed?" he asked. He didn't move so I moved forward to kiss his forehead and hugged him.

"I only feel uncomfortable when you're not beside me," I said. Na naman. Sana makuha ko s'ya sa mga sweet talkings ko.

"You don't need me beside you and I don't need you beside me," he said. Cold, so f*cking cold. You know, there are times when a slap is preferrable than words.

"Maybe you don't need me but I need you," I said as I rested my face against his stomach. Ayokong tignan s'ya. Natatakot ako sa kung anuman yung makikita ko sa mga mata n'ya. Or worse, natatakot ako na wala na akong makitang emotion sa mga mata n'ya, nothing at all. Para na kaming strangers sa isa't-isa.

"How come you need me? You---"

"I need you because, just because. Is there really a reason for you to need or love somebody? I love you, need you. Period," I said. Naiiyak na naman ako. Damn it. Sana hindi n'ya mapansin.

"If you do, how can you do 'that' to me? Huh? And go with him? Knowing that I will get mad kapag nalaman kong magkasama kayo. How can you do that?" he asked.

"Don't start," I said. At this point, alam n'ya nang umiiyak ako.

"It kills me. You should have stabbed me straight in the heart if you want to see me dead. You don't have to torture me, to kill me softly," sabi n'ya. Malungkot s'ya. Ako din, syempre, sino bang masaya?

"Maybe I will, if I go crazy. But I'm not. I will never ever kill the man I used to live my life with," I said. Makuha ka naman sa mga pick-up lines ko.

"Your life, huh? Maybe there are other people who can be the center of your universe. Those who are more deserving of your love," sabi n'ya. Ano ba toh? Parang tinataboy n'ya na ko ngayon ah?

"You really want me to do that?" I asked him. This time, nakatingin na ko sa mga mata n'ya. I wanna see the sincerity sa mga pinagsasabi n'ya sa'kin.

"Yeah, and if you do that, I'll die," sabi n'ya.

"I'll die after you did. I'll die next to you."

And with that, he reached for me. He hold my nape, closed the distance between our faces and cover my mouth with his.

That's the sweetest kiss, sa lahat ng kiss na na-experience ko. Promise.