After some seconds of just sitting there I decided to head back to my room to see the kids and just be with them for a bit before bed.
As I was there, holding Mehmed while he was playing I just couldn't stop thinking...
Oh, dear... Sultan of My Heart... When you turn your face away from me I become miserable...
- Goddamnit... - I muttered silently as once when I was alone with the kids I finally could let out my tears.
Somehow I feel like he's mad at me...
How am I supposed to live without him here?
And I'm going to have another baby soon and I KNOW... It's still a really long time before that happens, but 9 months passes by fast.
I already know that.
And alone I can't do this again...
I might going to wait for a few days then I'll send him a letter first.
Hopefully he'll read it...
----- TIME SKIP -----
Herman's POV:
Finally.
We're in Edirne.
Me, Iskender and Mehmed Giray.
We came out to hunt and just relax here, not thinking about any duties for a while.
I'd have taken Zülfikar with me, but I told him to stay in the palace.
He's still weak and he also needs to look after Angie and the others.
Atleast he isn't miserable like I am.
Sigh.
I let my mother die.
All because of me wanting to take the goddamn revenge and punish Dervish for what he has done, even though...
Wait...
I did the right thing.
I just didn't know this is what is going to happen afterwards.
- Too much death... - I muttered to myself.
We were outside, ready to hunt down a deer, but somehow I froze down and it ran away.
- Goddamnit... - I sighed.
- It's okay, My Lord - said Mehmed Giray - Shall we go back?
- I don't know... Yeah, I guess...
It's not like if I could kill anything at all right now...
I'm useless now...
- My Lord! - I hear Iskender as he ran up to me with a letter in his hand.
- Who's it from?
- Kösem Sultan... My Lord.
I sighed then as I took the letter I put it aside as well.
I just couldn't read it now.
I wasn't feeling that well.
