Short, I'm sorry
Once I got home I went to my room and cried. My phone rang, over and over from Justice and I ended them all. Then my text messages started to go crazy.
'Emily tell me what's wrong'
'What did I do?'
'I love you'
'I know you're seeing these, just please call me'
I clicked on our messages and he saw that I read them. 'Angel please, I don't know what I did but I guess I'm sorry, I love you baby, please call me' I locked my phone and ignored it. I got under my bed sheets and cried and cried, not wanting to be around here, I'd rather be dead.
Minutes passed and I heard noises from outside my balcony. I turned around and saw Justice getting up and standing. He tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Emily let me talk to you" I turned back around, so my back was facing him. I closed my eyes, wanting to just disappear from reality. He started to knock on the door, causing me to get a headache, I wanted him to stop, but that meant I had to open the door and talk to him. I got out of bed and walked to the door, then cracked it open.
"Leave" I said, "I'm not gonna leave until you tell me what's wrong" I went to close the door but he put his foot in the crack to stop it from shutting. I knew he wouldn't leave me alone, so I opened the door for him and let him walk in. I turned my back towards him and crossed my arms over my chest. "What did I do?" He asked and touched my shoulder but I pulled away, "don't touch me" I said. "Tell me what I did wrong" I turned around and looked at him, anger on my face. "You know what you're doing, how could you?" He looked at me confused. I grabbed my phone and showed him the picture of them, "you followed me? Why would you do that?" Anger filled his voice, "you don't get to do that. To act like I'm the one doing bad here. Just leave me alone"
"Babe it's nothing" he said and I shook my head, "we were just hanging out, why are you so mad?" "You got mad at me because of a guy was asking me if I was okay, how the fuck do you not expect me to be mad you're with another girl". "I can't just innocently text and hang out with a girl?"
"You're in a relationship! You can't do that. Do you see me texting guys and hanging out with them behind your back?" He sighed loudly and ran his fingers through his hair. "Tell me, who the fuck is Abby" I demanded, "SHE'S A FUCKING FRIEND" he yelled at me, making me scared. "Get out, I don't want to fucking talking to you right now, leave me alone and don't fucking come back" I pushed him to the door, and slammed the door behind him. I locked it and moved the curtains, so he couldn't see me. I began to cry, again. "I'm so worthless, I don't belong here" I said to myself, walking to the bathroom. I remembered when April told me how cutting herself made her forget about anything that was happening, she said it was good, that it was helping her.
I grabbed a blade from my drawer and stared at myself through the mirror. I took off my shirt, so I could see my ribs and hip bones. I took the blade to my skin on my hip bones, scared to cut my skin. I needed anything to help me right now, so if it made April feel good, it would with me too. I squeezed my eyes shut and moved the blade across my skin. I cried even harder then before as I did it again, and again, and again. I had 5 long cuts, burning my skin as I wiped the blood away. I held a rag against it until it stopped bleeding. April was right, all my thoughts drifted away, because I was only focused on the pain.
What grade are you guys in? And have you already started school?
