"One....two.....three" I counted to myself as I squeezed my eyes shut. My thoughts drifted away, I wanted to be gone, to not stress anymore or get sick or treated differently. I wished I could just go into my own world away from everyone and everything. To not feel the pain and disappointment anymore. I felt light headed and I put the blade down, my vision blurred. I grabbed the counter to hold myself up and saw the blood on my hand leaving a stain on the counter. I fell back against the wall lightly but I hit my head, I grabbed the wall as I slid down onto the floor. I was bleeding so much, my blood everywhere. My eyes rolled to the back of my head while it began to pound. My vision went black as my eyes closed, not being able to control anything.
~
My body was being shook and I heard faint yelling and screaming. My eyes slowly half way opened and my mother sat in front of me, fright on her face. "Call 911" she said loudly and I saw Joseph walk in with his phone to his ear and the same look on his face. "No" I whispered as I tried to sit up but failed miserably, hitting my head. "Don't I'm fine, stop" I said as loudly as I could, which only came out as a whisper. Joseph pulled his phone away and hung up the call. "Emily why? What happened?" My eyes started to closed again but I felt my body being lifted and laid onto a cold surface. Cold water hit against my skin and my cuts making me groan out in pain. It hit my face making me become wide awake as I blocked my face from the ice cold water. It turned off and I opened my eyes, they both stared at my, looking upset.
"What happened?" My body was lifted again as Joseph pulled me out of the shower and sat me on the floor. He left the room and I noticed my mom was crying. "Why did you do this to yourself?" I looked down at my hip, my sweatpants soaked with blood. I didn't answer her, I couldn't. "Did you call Justice?" She shook her head no, "you aren't seeing that boy any time soon" she said as Joseph walked in with clear dry clothes for me to dress into. My mother stood me up and grabbed my blade off of my counter. She pulled off my shirt before I could stop her and her eyes widened and she gasped. "Oh sweetie" her eyes filled with more tears, causing me to get some also.
"Why didn't you tell me it was this bad?" I turned around, my body facing away from her. Her fingers went over my spine, "I didn't want anyone to see" I said. "Let me fix your hip" she whispered and I turned back around and slowly pushed down my blood soaked sweatpants. I looked away as she stared at me. Her arms wrapped around me as she cried in my shoulder. "I'm so sorry Emily" I hated seeing her cry, and it hurt even more because I knew it was because of me. "I was scared, I am scared" I whispered and wrapped my arms around her. "I love you mom" I felt like I haven't said that in a while, "I love you Emily" she pulled away and put Medicean and a pad on my hip and taped it down so it wouldn't fall. She opened the door "get changed and lay down, we'll talk about it tomorrow. And I don't want you to go to school tomorrow" I nodded, I didn't feel like going anyway.
She closed the door and I got changed and I cleaned up the mess I made. I walked out after I was finished and laid on my bed, tears still falling down my cheeks. I grabbed my phone and saw that I had no text from Justice, making me upset. He was upset with me, and it was my fault. I went to snapchat and took a picture of my eye that was filled with tears. I didn't care if people thought that I was posting for attention or sympathy, because I knew I wasn't. I didn't give a fuck about anything or anyone right now. It felt good to cry and let it out, even though I was in pain. I flipped the camera and took a picture of my sweatpants and captioned it with 'I wish I wasn't here anymore' I knew Justice would see them, but I didn't care. I knew he probably would come over and check on me but I wouldn't let him in this time, I told him I wanted to be alone, I didn't want to be around anyone. 10 minutes passed and I got a text from Justice.
'Can I call you?'
'Yeah I guess'
He called seconds later and I answered it. "Hi baby" he whispered, his voice sounded like he was crying. "Hi" I closed my eyes and relaxed at the sound of his voice. "Are you alright?" He asked, "yeah" I lied, and he knew it. "Are you okay?" I asked him "yeah baby I'm fine" he lied himself. "Why were you crying?" I asked, "because I know you're not okay, and I can't do anything to make you feel better" I sighed, "please don't cry because of me". "I can't help it, I care about and love you so much" I smiled lightly. "I'm not going to school tomorrow" I told him, "can I come over tomorrow?" I sighed, "I don't know, I just want sometime alone". "I understand" we sat in silence for a minute, "I miss you" he whispered "I'm really sorry" he sighed, "there's nothing you should be sorry about" I couldn't tell him, he can't know.
"Well I'm gonna go and go to sleep" I said, "goodnight beautiful" I smiled "goodnight baby, I love you more than anything"
Sorry for not posting sooner. I've been really busy with school and homework
